“You smelled like beer!”
“I had one fucking beer with dinner, Sierra! It’s not like I did a fucking keg stand!”
“It tasted horrible!”
“It’s the same fucking brand you drink! How was it all the fucking sudden horrible?”
I burst into tears, but I was still in a rage, “From now on, when I cook, I’m going to use every goddamn dish in the kitchen, burn the shit on the bottom of every fucking pan, and leave it all for you so you can load your precious dishwasher just right.”
“Fine! Do that!” Rowdy roared. “How the fuck are you crying right now? People don’t cry when they’re that pissed off. It’s not fucking natural.”
“You made me cry,” I wailed.
“And again, I ask, is it Code Red already? Because I swear it was less than a month ago I had to deal with Lexi and Leia crying when I got onto them about skipping their chores.” Rowdy stood up and walked toward me, his voice getting calmer the closer he came. “Honey, don’t cry. I’ll try and leave the dishes, but it’s like I can’t stop myself on some things. You know that.”
I let him pull me into his chest, and I cried on him until his shirt was wet, until all of a sudden, the tears just dried up and I was outraged again.
“Do you have to hold me so tight? You’re squishing my boobs and they already hurt.” I pushed away from him and got even angrier at the wide-eyed shock on his face.
“Code. Red.”
I watched Rowdy stomp through the kitchen and out the door, probably headed to the barn to talk shit about me to the horses while he worked out his anger cleaning tack.
“Mom?” I heard Leia say softly from the mouth of the hall. I looked over and she and Lexi were standing together holding hands - they had both been crying. I instantly felt horrible for arguing like that where they could hear. Actually, I already felt horrible for yelling at Rowdy for such a trivial thing in the first place.
“Girls, come here,” I held my arms out and they walked into the and wrapped theirs around me. “I’m sorry you had to hear us arguing. We shouldn’t have done that or even let it get that out of hand. I know once your dad calms down, he’ll feel the same way.”
“You have been extra picky lately,” Lexi said softly. “It’s like none of us can do anything right. I don’t understand it. I’ve never seen you act that way.”
“I’ve been different?”
“Yeah,” Leia said. “A little.”
“I still have that bottle of Midol in our bathroom. It really helped when I was super cranky that time. Do you want some?”
I tilted my head, trying to figure out why I had been so irritable.
Everything ached. My body was just tired. And sore. My boobs were so tender it hurt to put on my bra in the morning and it hurt to take it off at night. One minute I was giddy, the next I wanted to cry.
Oh. Oh, no.
“Lex, when was your last period? When did it start?”
“We always start at the same time now or within a day or two of each other.”
“No, really. When?”
“Um, you had to take me for tampons when I started because Leia had used the last one. That was the night before competition, so three weeks ago?”
I hadn’t had a period that one time, even though I had taken the green pills. I remember thinking that was odd. I’d meant to call my doctor, but never got around to it, figuring that it must be the stress of the girls’ birthday party planning.
The next month was just a little spotting and I was actually glad because I had a lot going on with Halloween coming up. I didn’t want to have to deal with cramps and was excited to go to the fair they had for Martha and Smokey Forrester’s anniversary.
And I’d missed my last period now, too. I hadn’t noticed because the doctor called in a different prescription than he usually did and the pills looked different. I remember thinking I should have started, but then thought it was something to do with the prescription being a different brand.
Lexi squeezed me a little tighter and the angle she was at squished my breast the wrong way and caused me to flinch.
Oh. My. God.
“Girls, I’m going to go and talk to Rowdy in the barn for a little bit, okay?”
“Are y’all going to yell some more?” Leia asked me.
“No, baby. I’m going to go out there and apologize for acting like that and tell him I’ll try to control that shit in the future.” I laughed, terrified about what was happening, but I wanted to reassure my girls. “I can’t promise it won’t happen, because that would be a lie. People argue and sometimes they get loud, but then when it’s all over, if it’s worth it, they apologize and try again.”
“That’s what you tell us when we fight,” Lexi laughed.
“It’s sound advice, sweetheart. Now you two head to bed. We’ve got an early day tomorrow. You’ve got to be at the school by seven for that field trip.”
“Love you, Mom,” Lexi said as she pulled away.
“I love you, Mama,” Leia told me and followed Lexi down the hall.
“I love you both. Now give me and your dad some alone time. Go to sleep, and we’ll all start fresh tomorrow.”
◆◆◆
ROWDY
I glanced up from the saddle I was polishing and saw Sierra sitting off to the side on a bale of hay, watching me work. I didn’t say anything, just went back to what I was doing, honestly worried that she was going to start fucking screaming again and then I’d lose my temper
