I knew I was crying, I could feel the tears streaming down my cheeks, but I needed to tell him all the ways that he had made me love him so much that I couldn’t imagine breathing without him on this earth beside me.
“And when you helped her pick out her first pair of boots. You were so gentle with her, even though she insisted that she try on every single color of that same style in her size so she could look at each one in the mirror. Leia and I were falling off the couch in boredom and I think I actually fell asleep at one point, but you stayed focused on Lexi until she was perfectly happy with her ‘very special, very first pair, fit just right and totally awesome’ pair of cowboy boots. And then you gave us horses.”
Rowdy smiled.
“At some point in their lives, almost every little girl wants a horse, I think. It’s almost a rite of passage. I was one of those girls, oddly enough, but my parents wouldn’t hear of it. But you got our girls one and you got one for me so I could learn to enjoy riding right along with them. You spent the money you had been saving on us just to make us happy. And you married me! When we danced at our wedding, the two of us were the only ones in the world. You held me tight against you and told me with the song you chose that you loved me already. I knew then, but there was no way in hell I would admit it.”
Rowdy had been rubbing his hands on one of the towels he kept close by and he threw it up on the edge of his work bench and stood up. I watched my gorgeous husband walk toward me and then get down on his knees in front of me before he rested his head against my chest and held me tight.
I ran my fingers through his hair, just like I’d watched him do to my girl when she was hurting, and I cried. For all the years I had gone without love from my parents, for the loss of my first love before I even knew I held a part of him inside me, for the years I had spent looking over my shoulder in fear of them finding me. I cried for all the times I had to gently tell my daughter that she couldn’t go somewhere or have something because I couldn’t afford it. And I cried for all the times that I had to uproot her from the life we had built to run again.
I cried the most for the hurt she had felt at the hands of a man who should have loved her and the healing she was getting from this man who did.
“I love you, Rowdy Lincoln, and I’m proud to be your wife. If you’ll have me, I plan to die beside you after having a multi-orgasmic, marathon sex session in our nursing home and have a smile on my face even the coroner can’t get rid of.”
Rowdy chuckled and pulled back to look at my face.
“I’ll take you up on that.”
◆◆◆
“Remember three months ago when we got married, I said that the girls would have a honeymoon period just like we did? And I told you at some point shit will get real around here and the games would begin.”
The girls arguing got even louder.
“I remember that,” Rowdy said as he stood up from the couch. “Do they have to be so fucking shrill? Jesus.”
I laughed as Rowdy left the living room and walked down the hall to our daughters’ rooms. The two of them had been bickering for a few days now and about three minutes ago, it had come to a head and the screaming started. A few slammed doors later, a little more screaming, and one really loud, “Fuck you!” and Rowdy had had enough.
“What in the hell is wrong with the two of you?” he roared from down the hall.
Everything got quiet and less than 10 minutes later, Rowdy was back on the couch with me. We enjoyed our program while two sullen preteens sat knee to knee in kitchen chairs set over at the side of the living room, holding hands and ‘staring lovingly into each other's eyes until they either forgot what they were fighting about or remembered why they loved each other’.
It took almost half an hour before the two of them started to giggle, but I kept my face blank as I watched my television program beside my husband.
◆◆◆
“Rowdy Lincoln, I swear by all that’s good and holy in this world that if you reload the dishwasher after I’ve already started it again, I will cut off your access to the goods for the next six months,” I threatened.
“We’ve been together 10 months and you’re already using sex as a weapon?” Rowdy asked from his recliner. “Seriously, it’s not that big of a deal.”
“It’s not that big of a deal?” I yelled at him. “How do you not realize that’s it’s a major fucking deal? I spend time cleaning up after myself while I cook so you don’t have to do so many dishes after we eat and you go behind me and undo all the work I’ve done.”
“Well, if you’d do it right… ,” Rowdy snapped.
“If I’d do it right? Are you fucking serious with that shit?”
“Jesus, is it Code Red or what?”
“You did not just blame this on my period,” I roared at him. “I did not hear such stupid, sexist bullshit just come out of your fucking mouth.”
“Well, I think you heard it or you wouldn’t be screeching about it.” Rowdy rolled his eyes and I wanted to punch him. “Seriously, what bug’s been
