“I’m going to sleep here,” I said, kissing his shoulder. “I’ll go back to my room in the morning.”
“Okay,” Simon said, his voice heavy with sleep. He twisted his head, seeking out one last kiss before we drifted off. As I snuggled against him, all I could think about was how utterly perfect this was. And how there were three little words sat on my tongue, waiting for me to release them.
It was only half seven, according to the little vintage alarm clock on Simon’s bedside table, when I found myself awake again.
Simon was still asleep, curled up beside me with a peaceful smile on his face. He was still naked—neither of us had bothered to get dressed again after our midnight fumble—and the duvet was tucked into his chest like he was cuddling it.
God, he was so fucking cute! I was so gone for him even my subconscious had given up resisting. There was no point even trying to deny it anymore; I loved him.
I couldn’t pinpoint the moment I’d realised it, I just knew that I did. There’d been no big fanfare, no sudden earth-shattering moment of clarity. Just a warm certainty in my chest that I loved him.
I’d been treading water for so long, trying to avoid the feeling. But now that I was starting to give in to it, I felt more relaxed than I had in years. It had been inevitable from the start really.
I’d told myself I didn’t want a boyfriend because I was so used to disappointment. But all the things every other guy had hated about me, Simon seemed to love. He didn’t care that I was bossy or sarcastic or sharp-tongued. He revelled in my attention, falling apart at my touch whenever I took charge. He laughed at my sarcasm and let me vent, and constantly seemed enthralled by me for reasons I’d never understand.
Looking at him now, I couldn’t imagine not being in love with him.
I’d told myself it wasn’t going to happen, but even back then, I think I’d always known it was a lie. I’d just been determined to stay in denial because it was safer than admitting I needed him.
All I had to do now was find the courage to tell him. To say the three little words still sitting on my tongue out loud. I knew they’d change everything, and part of me was absolutely fucking terrified because we weren’t exactly dating. I didn’t know what we were doing if I was being honest.
Still, the fact that we’d slipped into this sort of dating twilight zone where we basically acted like a couple without saying it was like a tiny ray of hope in my mind. But that didn’t completely allay my fears. They were still there, circling my thoughts like sharks, waiting to strike. All I could do was ignore them, and hope they’d eventually go away. It was either that or face them, and I was too much of a coward to do that.
Simon sighed in his sleep, a little pouting smile on his lips. I wished we could stay here for hours, lost in each other, and forget the rest of the world existed. But that wasn’t going to happen. I needed to get back to my own room for a start. Otherwise I was going to have to do some explaining.
Since it was still early, nobody else was going to be up, so I figured it would be easy to sneak out of Simon’s bed, find my discarded pyjamas, and then sneak back into my room. As long as Connor hadn’t claimed the whole bed, I’d be able to slide in beside him and pretend I’d been there all night.
Except, like everything in my life, nothing ever went as smoothly as I imagined.
When I opened my bedroom door, the bedside lamp was on and Connor sat propped up on a stack of pillows, a mug of coffee in one hand and his Kindle in the other. He smirked at me as I entered, lowering the Kindle to his lap and fixing his gaze on me.
“Good morning.” There was an unmistakable note of glee in his voice, and I knew I’d been caught red handed. There was absolutely no way in hell I was going to get out of this alive. Fuck!
“Morning,” I said, still frozen in the doorway.
“Have a good night?” Connor asked sweetly. I made a non-committal noise and Connor continued. “Did you know these walls are thin? And neither you or Simon are as quiet as you think you are.”
“I, um… I…” Shit. What was I supposed to say? I couldn’t deny it. Connor had heard us. It wasn’t like I could pretend it hadn’t happened. I felt my face heating, my skin prickling uncomfortably.
“I knew you two were fucking,” Connor continued. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I, er, I asked Simon if we could keep it a secret. Since I’m not really sure what we’re doing.”
“It’s okay.” Connor’s dark eyes fixed on me, calculating behind his long lashes. “So, is it just fucking? Or are you two dating?”
“It’s… it’s just sex.” I shuffled uncomfortably. I wanted to tell Connor everything because maybe he would tell me what I should do. Knowing I loved Simon and actually telling him were completely different things, and I had no idea how to do the second. “Or at least it was.”
“Was? It’s not anymore?”
“No. At least it’s not for me.” I sighed. “I don’t know if it ever was really.” I rubbed my face, trying to sort my feelings into order. I’d thought about my
