I ride the elevator back to the dorm completely numb. Doors open and close. People get in and out. They laugh and embrace and say goodbye. I see everything happening, but I don’t understand any of it. They look like two-dimensional people. Characters. I wonder if they’re real and how anyone would know for sure.
6
Juliet, Dylan, and I go out for drinks with a few other people from our floor. Apparently, Hudson texted Dylan and said that he’ll be by later. I don’t want to go, but I don’t want to explain why I’m not going either.
The numbness finally starts to wear off after my second martini. Just at that precise moment, Hudson reappears. I see him standing in the doorway of the crowded bar full of celebrating college students. He’s looking for someone. I turn to Juliet, trying to hide in my seat.
“Hudson’s here!” Juliet and Dylan say almost simultaneously. Everyone cheers.
“Come join us, man,” Dylan says. “You’re about two drinks behind.”
“Hey, everyone.” He smiles. “I’m actually here to steal Alice away for a few minutes.”
“No!” everyone replies jokingly. “Boo!”
“Alice.” He comes closer to me, touching my back lightly. “Can I talk to you?”
I shake my head. Every time we’ve talked, things got worse and worse. Now, I’m not sure that our frail friendship will survive another one of our talks.
“Please, I have to talk to you,” he whispers.
I sigh, take a sip of my martini, and eat an olive.
“You okay?” Juliet mouths to me silently. I shrug and follow Hudson out of the bar.
“Hudson, I want to apologize to you,” I say, wrapping my scarf around my neck and zipping my coat. The air smells fresh and new, the cold’s nipping at my nose. Every tree on the street is lit up in yellow lights. The city is screaming that Christmas is just around the corner.
“I do, too,” he says. “Before we do any of that, I want to show you something. Will you come with me?”
Begrudgingly, I agree.
We walk back to our dorm, ride the elevator all the way to the top. I’ve never been this high before. He opens a small passageway with stairs leading even higher.
“Where are we going?” I finally ask.
“The roof.”
“I didn’t even know this place existed. Or that we could go here,” I say.
“We can’t. Not really, but I know one of the janitors and he let me up here before.”
We walk out onto the roof.
“What do you do up here?” I ask.
“Think, mostly. It’s a nice place for that. Quiet. Peaceful,” he says.
Darkness falls with a vengeance in New York, quickly and without apologies. It doesn’t dilly-dally. One minute it’s daytime and the next it’s nighttime and the world is lit up by lights.
“It looks like Christmas all the time here, doesn’t it?” Hudson asks.
“What do you mean?”
“The lights. There are so many lights here. It’s like it’s Christmas all the time.”
I’ve never thought of it that way before, but he’s right. Every night, when the lights come on, the city seems to celebrate. Rejoice.
“Alice, I brought you up here because I want to show you something.”
He takes a moment to collect his thoughts. I wait.
“I’m tired of simply telling you how I feel. I think I’ve used up all the words I have. So, I want to show you, instead.”
He pauses again. Looks straight into my eyes and continues.
“Ever since I read that thank-you card, I’ve been going over all the ways that I’ve disappointed you. All the times that I’ve acted like a jerk and I think it all started that day, about a week after we broke up. When we were first trying to be friends. We were supposed to see a movie together, remember?”
I nod. Of course, I remember.
“They were having a special showing of Titanic and I had promised to take you to see it. Then I didn’t show up.”
I had waited for half an hour. Then went inside and cried through the whole movie.
“It’s fine,” I say. “Ancient history.”
“No, it’s not fine. I was an inconsiderate dick and I’m sorry.”
I nod. Hudson never really apologized for that. Not in a way that let me believe him.
“Thank you,” I say. “I really appreciate it.”
“So, I want to do something to make up for that,” he says.
Hudson takes my hand, turns me around. There’s a projector pointed at a big white screen and two lounge chairs in front of it. Large, warm blankets cover the chairs and a small table in the front with a bottle of wine, two glasses, and a plate of cheese and crackers.
“What is this?” I turn to Hudson.
“It’s my apology. For everything,” he says. “For ever hurting your feelings and for letting you go.”
My chest tightens up. For a second, I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me.
“Alice, I don’t want to just be your first boyfriend,” he says. “I want to be your boyfriend again.”
I sit down on the chair. He wraps the blanket around me, pours me a glass of wine. Hudson pulls his chair close to mine. I look up at him. I watch the way his breath moves in the cold air. He starts the movie. We watch in silence for a little while. When Rose gets out of the car in her fabulous hat and heads toward the ship, I turn to Hudson.
“Okay,” I whisper.
He smiles at me, shaking his head. Like he doesn’t believe me.
I lean over. He takes my hand, wrapping his fingers around mine. His fingers are hot to the touch; mine are as cold as ice. Hudson brings my fingers to his lips and lightly blows on them. His mouth spreads warmth throughout my entire body.
He moves even closer. We breathe the same air. I close my eyes and feel his lips on mine. A spark
