Ava stayed true to her word, and she and Cade came to get her things that evening. I stood, watching in my doorway with my arms crossed over my chest while they went in and out with all her stuff. It should have made me sad, but my emotions were rubbed raw to the point of being numb. Cade wasn’t being his usual moody self, but every time they came back inside, he would give me and then my stomach a concerned-looking glare. But even that small amount of whatever it was couldn’t elicit any emotion in any crevice of my heart or mind.
It took them so long to get all her things loaded into the bed of a truck Cade had borrowed from his boss that I pondered going to bed. But I remained at my doorway, watching them until the job was done. Once it was, Ava came up to me with a hard look in her eyes, hands fisted at her sides. She was getting pretty close to a good scolding bitch look.
She held the key out to me, saying, “Is the dad going to be by to help you out?”
Again, she said the completely wrong thing without even knowing it. I snatched the key from her, putting my own scolding bitch look in place. “Nope.” I popped the p. “I don’t know who it is.” The lie was easy. She didn’t need to know. At least not from me. If he decided to tell her, that was all on him.
She rolled her lips between her teeth, eyes softening slightly, while Cade leaned against the front door, watching us with that concern again. “This kind of sucks, you know?” she said.
I snorted.
“Anyway.” She shrugged, shifting her feet around. “If you ever need something, you can call me. At least after the bitchiness subsides, I guess.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I drawled.
She was out the door with a curt farewell faster than a bronco out the shoot.
Cade glanced back at me, a hand on the doorknob. “You know she means it. If you need anything, she’ll be there for you.” With that, he left without waiting for a response from me.
Having my quiet apartment all to myself was more depressing than I thought it would be. Even when I had a carton of double fudge ice cream to watch The Walking Dead with. I’d thought that being alone in this, not having to rely on anyone else, would be the way to do it. Doing things on my own was what I did. But this was new territory, one I wasn’t so sure I could navigate by myself. I would though, for the little person who was depending on me. How I was going to make rent or buy food was beyond me, but I would find a way. I always did.
My phone rang again around one in the morning, another damn call from Kai. I didn’t answer it, even though I was awake since I’d just finished hurling up the ice cream. In the amount of time I had to myself, I’d decided to let him off the hook. He didn’t need some chick with a baby weighing him down, especially since he was about to be free of his obligation to the military. That didn’t mean I wasn’t still mad at him for what he said, but I’d finally come up with a plan to deal with this new surprise in my life all on my own. My control was intact.
4
Kai
Two months. I called her every single day for two fucking months. She didn’t answer once. Everything changed the day she called me to tell me we were having a baby, and yet nothing had. She wouldn’t let me apologize for what I said. Not even through email. Though I wasn’t sure she was even checking her email. Either way, she refused to talk to me.
Of course, that didn’t change the fact that we were having a baby. Together.
Another human’s life depended on me. I had to provide for the child she was carrying. I had to be there for them whenever I could, which, based on the decision I made the night she told me, might not be very often. My buddy had talked me into reenlisting. It wasn’t ideal. I wanted to be around for everything, but it was the best I could do. I had put a request in to be sent back to the States.
Even still, the best I could hope for was the job I had applied for in Ohio. My backup was a job in Oklahoma City. Either way, I wouldn’t be in Tennessee, and with how terrible things were going so far, I didn’t see her deciding to pack up and move with me. Both options were hours away from her. But I would figure something out. I’d figure out a way to be there for that kid.
These were all things I did to occupy my time, because just work wasn’t cutting it. She was still constantly on my mind, now more so than ever. I had said the worst words I ever could have to her. She had every right to hate me. But I wanted the ability to make it right, and I couldn’t do so when I was a sitting duck. She was out there, all alone, having to deal with this shit.
Ava being there to help her through it all was my only comfort, though I was surprised she hadn’t called to give me an earful yet. I hadn’t built up the courage to call her myself. I didn’t like talking about how much of a dick I was, especially with my baby sister. That was why I hadn’t even
