My phone buzzed with yet another text. Natalie. I sent her a quick message that I’d arrived safe and had not been mauled by a bear. I ignored the message from Anna, my old roommate, about some dishes I’d apparently left behind and if it was okay for her to have them. Whatever. She could knock herself out. She’d stolen a bunch of my other shit, so I wasn’t sure why she was contacting me about this. I considered blocking her number so I’d never have to speak to her again.
I reached out and stroked Dolly’s velvet head. She leaned into my touch. “What are we gonna do?” I asked. She didn’t answer.
Later that night, after I unpacked my car and had dinner that consisted of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and a fiddlehead salad, I sat on the couch as Mom watched a reality talent show and Dad read.
This was my life now.
“What are your plans for tomorrow?” Mom asked during a commercial break.
“I’m not sure.”
I hadn’t thought any further than today. Everything else was a blank. I was always the girl with the plan, but now, I was adrift. An unmoored boat, lost at sea with no hope of rescue.
“I was talking to Cindy Malone the other day and they’re hiring for summer help at The Lobster Pot,” Mom said. “You did that in high school. I know she’d hire you. At least it would give you something during the summer until you can find something more permanent if you need to.”
I tried not to make a face and instead grabbed one of the books on Dad’s “to be returned to the library” pile. Another young adult book; this time a Cinderella retelling. I read the blurb on the back and if I wasn’t mistaken, it was a romance between two girls. I was surprised that my dad would want to read that. I wasn’t going to comment, though. I cracked open the book and started to read. Mom still stood waiting for an answer.
“Oh, uh, sure. I’ll call her tomorrow,” I said.
I mean, what else was I going to do? Go down to the local bar and take up day drinking? Hang out at the gas station with the local teens? Sit on the beach with the tourists and get a horrible sunburn? I tried not to think about what I could be doing right now, if I was in Boston. Maybe dinner and drinks or pizza with my friends, a hot yoga class at my favorite studio, or even just taking a book to a coffee shop to read for a while and watch people pass on the street. If I wanted to have a professionally made cup here? I’d have to drive at least ten minutes and they definitely didn’t have nondairy milk or know what a macchiato was.
Not that I could even afford a macchiato since I was fucking broke, and I needed money sooner rather than later. Working at The Lobster Pot was my best option.
“Sounds good, baby girl,” Mom said with a smile. Her shoulders relaxed and she sat back in her chair. I realized she’d been worried. She seemed to be relieved I’d agreed to her plan so easily.
My parents and I hadn’t really talked about what happened and why I was back, mostly because it wasn’t for just one reason. There were many reasons, all culminating with me packing my shit in my car, loading up my dog, abandoning my friends, and driving back here.
I asked Mom if there was any ice cream in the freezer and she said that there was. While I was getting a spoon, I glanced out the window, which happened to look right into our neighbor’s living room.
Jude.
The lights were on and she stood in the living room wearing nothing but a sports bra and some athletic shorts. The spoon I’d just grabbed clattered on the floor. As I stood up from retrieving the spoon, I found her staring directly at me. Instead of looking away like a normal person, I stared back.
Her hair had been long in high school and her arms hadn’t been so...sculpted back then. At least not that I remembered. My mouth went dry and I held on to the spoon for dear life.
“What are you looking at?” a voice said behind me and I shrieked and dropped the spoon again. I turned around and found my mom leaning over my shoulder to see what I’d been staring at.
“Oh, nothing, just staring off into space.” I rushed with my spoon and the ice cream back into the living room. My parents kept the room dark and the only light was from my dad’s lamp and the TV, so I could hide in a corner with my lobster-red face.
What had come over me? I’d just stood there leering like a fucking creeper. Part of me expected a knock at the door and for her to storm in and ask what I’d been staring at.
That didn’t happen, but it didn’t stop me from looking up from my book every few minutes to check and make sure.
Before bed, I took Dolly out to do her business and my eyes kept flicking over to the house. The lights were still on, but I wasn’t going to stare this time. I hadn’t asked for more information from my mom about Jude, but I did wonder what she was doing back here. She’d hated this town, from what I remembered, so it couldn’t just be because of her parents’ house.
High school in a small town in Maine was brutal for anyone who didn’t conform, and Jude had been adamant about not conforming. I’d done my best to get through, and the drama club had been my safe haven. I’d never thought seriously about
