Levi perked up. “He has this antique mantel clock in his office. His most cherished possession. Takes meticulous care of it, has this whole ritual with a key to wind it properly.”
“Did he have you help him?”
“Never once. The clock creeped me out as a kid anyway. It had this quote from the Old Testament engraved on it. ‘You must not make idols for yourselves or set up a carved image or sacred pillar, or place a sculpted stone in your land to bow down to it. For I am the Lord your God.’ Magic fell into that same category for Isaac. An abomination.”
“How is this a good memory?”
Levi wheeled his desk chair close to me and leaned in conspiratorially. “One day I’m going to smash that thing into smithereens. That’ll be a great memory.”
“Wow.” I lifted an imaginary crown off my head and held it out to him. “King of Dysfunction.”
Levi took it. “No need to rest on formalities. You may call me ‘My Liege.’”
“I could, but we both know that will never happen.” I paused. “Why didn’t your mother leave him?”
“She was scared of what Isaac would do to her if she did. His own father had left him and my Nonna when he was little and he had massive abandonment issues.” Levi gave me a pointed look.
“Imply that I have anything in common with your father and I’ll stab you.”
Levi mimed taking the crown off his head and putting it on mine.
My smile faded. “I did learn one thing. Not about the book. No other Jezebel has ever experienced magic cravings, and if I suffer a few more episodes involving angel magic, l may be beyond help. I may be anyways.” My feeble attempt at humor didn’t land.
Levi’s gaze raked over me, leaving me hot and cold and strangely uncomfortable in my own skin. “The feather is locked up. You’re safe.”
“If only it was that simple.” I told him about the Sefer Raziel HaMalakh, stopping short of Rafael’s role in bringing me back from the brink of insanity.
“I miss living in ignorance.”
I patted his thigh. “I know.”
He threaded his fingers through mine. “While you’re beyond help in many, many areas, this isn’t going to be one of them.”
“Some things are beyond even your indomitable will.” I softened my words with a squeeze of our fingers. “Not that I plan on shuffling off this mortal coil any time soon. Just that these urgings are a bit more of a wrinkle than I’d anticipated.”
“To put it mildly.”
“Yeah, well. A gift for understatement. That’s me.”
“What are you going to do when you assemble the book and then have to destroy it, if you risk being lost to that magic?”
“Um.” I disengaged our hands. “There’s kind of a way that keeps me safe. Like magic medicine? It also takes away the cravings.”
Levi’s eyes narrowed. “That should be a good thing.”
“When Asherah created Attendants, the magic she gave them was all about serving and protecting Jezebels. Cool, huh?”
“You’re saying that so optimistically that I’m already worried.”
“It turns out that I can ingest Rafael’s magic, and it doesn’t destroy it, and all my cravings go away. Magic healing, bitches,” I finished weakly, with my fist raised.
Levi rose and crossed over to his desk, apparently filled with the sudden need to straighten the three folders laying there. “Rafael is fine with that arrangement?” he said in an inscrutable tone.
“He’s my Attendant. My fellow team member.”
“I’m your team member.” He gave the files a final sharp tap.
“You’re my boss. The Charlie to our Angels.” I shifted the pug because my left leg was falling asleep.
“The Mycroft to your Sherlock and company?” Levi said.
“Quit making erroneous analogies to Sherlock. You pain me and embarrass yourself. We’ve established you’re Watson.”
“Who is Sherlock’s partner.” He set the pendulum toy on his desk in motion, the balls clicking together.
“I mean, technically… Stop changing the subject. I require answers. Assistance. Right now Rafael and his extensive knowledge of all things Jezebel is best positioned to offer it.”
“And his magic,” Levi said.
“That too.”
Levi was quiet for a moment, then he stopped the pendulum toy mid-swing. “You’re right. I realize I can get a little—”
“Highhanded? Overbearing?”
“Protective. But don’t mince words or anything.”
“I never do.”
“However, you still didn’t actually answer the question. Even if you’re not taking his magic, there has to be a toll.”
My Attendant losing control, my inability to understand what he needs. Him hating me.
“We haven’t discovered it yet, but Rafael is fine with the arrangement.” Did that sound too forced? Too cheerful? I didn’t want Levi getting the wrong impression. Which was actually the right impression. But really, what good would it do telling him about the whole arousal thing? Not that Rafael and I were doing anything wrong. I’d never suck off another man, getting him hot and bothered, if that were the case. Not unless I didn’t have a choice. Shit, Ash, stop thinking.
I dropped my eyes, petting Mrs. Hudson like the fate of the universe depended on it.
“I’m glad he was there for you.”
Startled, I met Levi’s gaze but there was no censure there. Just concern. “That’s not what I expected you to say.”
His lips twisted wryly. “Me neither.”
“If it makes you feel better, there’s still only one other member of my monster support group.”
“You’re just saying that because I make biscotti.”
“It doesn’t hurt.”
The last of the indigo and tangerine streaked twilight faded away, and lights in surrounding office buildings dimmed into maintenance mode. It was my cue to leave, but there was one last thing I had to say.
“I saw you. Both of you, at the entrance to Hedon.”
Levi tore his gaze away from the view. “Ash, I may not look it, but I’m tired. I don’t want to be psychoanalyzed again.”
“You’re wrong.”
“About what?” he said, defeated and exhausted.
“Your heart’s desire,” I said. “Your worst fear. You’re already so damn capable. You aren’t going to let your people down.”
He swirled the amber liquid in his glass. “I
