‘Right...’ The edginess in her eyes was making him nervous.
‘Lotte didn’t know, you see, because as I said before I haven’t really told her anything...’
‘About...?’ His heartbeat was rising, pulsing at the base of his throat.
‘About you... I mean, anything private about you...like how Madelon’s your sister and about how you were married... Divorced...’ Her tongue touched her bottom lip. ‘So it’s not her fault at all. She had no idea about Eline.’
His mouth dried. ‘What’s Eline got to do with anything?’
‘It’s the job she’s committed me to. It’s a fashion event. Eline’s organising it.’ Her eyes were searching his, checking. ‘Lotte’s doing the photos and I’m writing pieces about the designers for the programme...’ Her voice trailed away.
‘I see.’ He swallowed hard, trying to see through the mist in his head. ‘So you’ll be talking to the designers...?’
She nodded and gave a little shrug. ‘I’m not sure about the exact brief until I’ve had a proper chat with Eline.’
His heart bumped again. ‘You’ll be talking to Eline?’
‘She called me an hour ago to arrange a meeting. I didn’t expect her to get in touch so soon...’ She scraped a strand of hair out of her eyes and folded her arms. ‘It’s why I came straight over, to tell you...’ Her tongue touched her lower lip again. ‘I’m going to Eline’s apartment at six on Friday. She said meeting anywhere public would be tricky...’
Suddenly, the air was too thick to breathe. He turned away, squeezing his eyes shut, willing himself to stay calm, but there was something boiling up inside him, livid white noise dancing behind his eyelids. Eline was the enemy; she’d betrayed him, broken his heart, and now what? Mia was going to meet her. Work with her!
‘Are you all right?’ She was in front of him again, taking him apart with her eyes. ‘I know what you’re thinking...’
No, she didn’t...because she didn’t know anything about Bram, about how cruel Eline had been. If she knew the pain Eline had caused him, she’d never have taken this job. He swallowed. ‘You have no idea.’
Her eyes narrowed. ‘I do! You’re thinking that meeting Eline is an infringement of your privacy...’ She drew in a breath, put a hand on his arm. ‘But there’s nothing to worry about.’ She pressed her lips together. ‘It’s only a job, Theo. Like any other job. We won’t be touching on anything personal.’
He stepped back and raked a hand through his hair. What she was saying made sense. She’d just be a writer talking to a model about a fashion event...there’d be no reason for Eline to talk about Bram or him. She’d signed the non-disclosure and in five years she hadn’t breached it. He drew a steadying breath, but in the next instant any iota of rational thought was swept away on a fresh wave of panic. He felt his guts writhing, tasted bile in the back of his throat. Something inside him was collapsing, curling into a ball, trying to shut out the torrent of desperation, the crushing sensation of powerlessness.
Get a grip!
Wide, worried eyes held his. For some reason Cleuso popped into his head, the kitten that no one else would have chosen... Mia was a beautiful soul. He couldn’t stop her meeting Eline but maybe he could appeal to her empathy, could make her reconsider. He stepped forward, taking her hands in his. ‘I’m not thinking that at all. This isn’t about privacy, or infringements...’ He swallowed hard. ‘Mia, this is someone who cheated on me, someone who caused me immeasurable pain. If I was standing here telling you that I was meeting Hal, doing business with Hal, how would you feel?’
‘That’s so unfair!’ She pulled her hands out of his, tears glistening at the edges of her eyes. ‘The difference is that I’ve told you everything about Hal. Everything! So, you’d know exactly what you were doing to me if you took up with him. But I don’t think you’ve told me the whole truth about what happened with Eline. You didn’t want to talk about it. You never want to talk about anything.’ She blinked, swiping at her eyes. ‘You haven’t trusted me. You won’t let me in. How do you think that makes me feel?’
Hurt in her eyes and he was the cause of it. His heart was aching. Why couldn’t he make himself tell her the whole story? Why wouldn’t the words come? His palms were sweating. He couldn’t think for the buzzing in his head. It was all sliding away, draining him out. Everything. He swallowed hard, his voice cracking. ‘Isn’t it enough to know that she hurt me?’
Her face softened for a moment, and then she drew an audible breath. ‘No—no, it isn’t.’ A sudden steeliness flashed in her eyes. ‘You see, aside from thinking you’d be mad for wanting to do business with Hal, I actually wouldn’t care because I have no stake in my past. But you do, don’t you?’
He was losing her, he could see it in her eyes, and still the words she needed to hear wouldn’t rise on his tongue.
She picked up her bag, and when she met his gaze again tears were winding down her cheeks. ‘I thought we had something, Theo, but I can’t be with someone who’s keeping things from me. I’ve done it before and I’m not doing it again. I deserve better.’ Her eyes held him as she walked backwards, step after step after step, until she was standing in the doorway.
His heart was a hollow drum, beating fast then slowing as a strange calm claimed him. She was right. She deserved better—someone whole. Someone who could be everything she needed them to be. He wasn’t that person. She’d be better off without him. Suddenly he wanted her to go. He couldn’t stand the way she was looking at him, her eyes wide and wet, full of fading hope.
‘Goodbye, Theo.’ Her words were
