By the time Mr. and Mrs. Tinley returned, it was going on super time. Jesse was just finishing a bowl of soup when I walked in and then he told me about his visit with this Mag person.
“How is Cam?”
I have to chuckle. “You have your hands full with that little guy.”
He smiles, but there’s sadness in his eyes. Jesse’s got to be missing him. “God, I miss him.”
“Your parents will bring him up soon.”
“I know. But he’s my son. I’ve never gone a day without him.”
I hate that Jesse can’t see Cam for himself. He’s just a great dad and this is killing him when there are parents out there who can spend hours with their kids, but tend to forget they have them.
“So what are you doing tomorrow? I can bring you lunch.” I’m trying to lighten the mood and take his mind off of his problems.
“I’m going to be pretty busying laying around here all day.”
“I’m not sure that’s such a hardship. I’ve seen some of those nurses.”
“I’d rather look at you.”
My heart melts a little. I’d rather look at him too. “But, they give sponge baths.”
“Who says they have to be the ones giving the bath.” He winks at me with his good eyes and my face heats.
Jesse chuckles. “Did I just embarrass you?”
“Um, yeah!” My face is getting hotter. He’s been in relationships and has a kid, which means he’s probably done it all. I’ve barely made it to third base with any guy I dated, which was intentional. Would he lose interest if he knew how innocent I am?
He’s grinning at me. I’m just waiting for him to tease me some more. I shouldn’t be embarrassed by being a virgin, but really, it isn’t something I discuss, especially with guys unless we’ve gotten to the point in a relationship where that is the next thing they want to do. That’s usually when the relationships end. I’ve yet to meet a guy that agrees with my current life choice. Jesse and I haven’t even kissed, let alone anything else and I figured this discussion would be much further down the road.
“Are you a virgin?” he finally asks with surprise, which I can’t really blame him. There aren’t that many twenty-one year old virgins around.
I decided to ignore my burning cheeks and look him in the eye because I have nothing to be embarrassed about. “Yeah.”
“Religion?” he asks, though I don’t think he’d consider it a bad reason.
“Not so much religious beliefs as life experience.”
He hitches and eyebrow as if he’s trying to figure that one out.
“I’m adopted,” I remind him.
“I know,” he says slowly. The teasing is no longer in his green eyes or in the tone of his voice. This has turned into a serious conversation, but I don’t think he’s judging me or anything, but really wants to know why.
“That’s why it is a life experience choice.”
“Mom too young? Not ready to be a mother, or wanted to finish school?”
I’m sure he’s drawing a parallel to Cam’s mom and her choices. If only. “From what I understand, she was a high school kid who found herself knocked up. Dropped out of school because education wasn’t all that important. She wasn’t planning on going to college anyway.” I shrug. “She didn’t have a boyfriend, but one of the many girls associated with a local gang. I have no clue which one is or was my father.” I shake my head. You think I’d be upset, but I’ve long gotten over it. It’s a fact that I can’t change and there is no point being upset. Nor do I have any desire to find out who my father could be. Given the gang affiliation, he might be dead, if he’s not in prison.
“My sister was born a year later.”
“What happened? You said the two of you were separated a lot.”
“When I was about four there was a drug raid on auto repair shop my mom worked at. We also lived in the back with some guys who were also members of the gang. It was the middle of the afternoon and the gang members were working on cars as part of their legitimate work to hide their illegal activities when the bullets flew. I don’t even remember how many people were shot, but my mom wasn’t. Instead, she was taken into custody and that’s when Rosalyn and I entered the system.”
Jesse’s jaw drops and he just stares at me.
“I hardly remember it. Just the gun shots and hiding in the corner of a back closet with Roslyn.” I do remember being scared to death and holding Roslyn while we waited for it to be over. Even when it was finally silent, we didn’t leave because we were never to come out until someone came to get us. Roslyn and I spent a lot of time in the closet, days even, because someone always forgot to get us, and the guys our mom hung out with were so scary we didn’t dare misbehave. The officer had been so nice. He and another picked us up and told us to close our eyes and hide our faces as they took us from the place. I did because it never occurred to me to not do what I was told. “I’m sorry.” There’s sympathy in his eyes, but I’m not sure what else he’s thinking and it makes me nervous. I’ve just told him more than I’ve ever told anyone outside of my immediate family and a handful of therapists.
“Don’t be,” I insist. “I was put in the system and with foster parents. Some sucked, some were good, but I was adopted.” As much as I probably should resent my birth mother, I don’t. Even though it isn’t an excuse, she was a part of her environment and accepted it as her life, even though the circumstances sucked. “If she wouldn’t have been arrested, I would have grown up in
