Finally it’s done. I grab a glass of water and head up the stairs. That’s when I see the laundry basket full of dirty towels and washrags. My perfect excuse for being in the basement. I leave the water in my room and take the basket to the basement and throw the laundry into the washer and then go back upstairs and jump back in bed. My seventeenth birthday is going to be perfect!
Brandy,
I can’t believe you are finally here, and now you are gone. You are so perfect. Nothing in this world is more perfect than you. Or so beautiful. I’d heard people say that you don’t really know love until you hold your first child. I didn’t get it. Not until they laid you on me after you came out of my body. Pure, wonderful love like nothing I’ve ever experienced.
They didn’t want me to hold you. They were afraid I’d get attached and not give you up. I couldn’t understand how I could let you go without holding you first. It would be my only chance until you turned 18, and that is only if you wanted to meet me.
I only got you for a few precious moments, but I memorized every detail, from your soft head with dark hair, to your long fingers. I didn’t know a baby could have long fingers, but you do. Perfect fingers for a pianist. I wonder if you will play one day. I do. I love playing.
I hold out my hands. I have long fingers. A pianist’s fingers. It’s kind of cool that Brandy does too and that Kelsey plays the piano. But, a lot of people play piano and have long fingers, even my sisters.
You won’t remember, I’m sure, but when I was done with lessons in the practice room, I’d always play my favorite lullaby – Brahms’ Lullaby, just for you. I’ve played it daily since I got to this school and just for you. Maybe one day when you hear it, it will sound familiar to you.
I know I’m being silly, but I want so badly for you to remember something of me.
How is that song not familiar to every kid? My mom played it for me when I was little, and my younger sister and brother. Not on the piano though. She had a recording.
If Kelsey wanted her kid to recognize a song, she should have picked something out there that nobody played or knew about. Then when she finally meets Brandy, she could test her theory on whether a song is remembered when heard in the womb.
I swiped the rattle from your bassinet. I know I shouldn’t have, but I wanted something that belonged to you. Then later, after your parents had taken you away, a nurse brought in a pink box with all kinds of things that your parents should have, like your handprints and footprints, a little hat and things like that. Another nurse came back later to get it. Or they were looking for the pink box, thinking maybe it was with me (they were a bit frazzled because it was a busy day). I know I shouldn’t have, but I lied and said I didn’t have it when I’d stuffed it into my backpack. Why should your parents get these things? They already had you.
I’m going to keep that box with me always. One day, if we meet, I’ll show it to you, but for now. It’s mine.
I’ve cried a lot today. I knew it would be hard to give you up, but I never realized just how hard it would be. Already I ache with the loss of you. You’re not moving around in my belly anymore, and I don’t get to hold you in my arms. I’m empty. That’s how I feel. My stomach and my arms are empty and one of them should be filled with you. I don’t know how I’m going to do this.
Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life?
I wish Brandon were here to ask what I should do. But, if Brandon were here, I would have never given you up. He wouldn’t have allowed it. .
Love,
Kelsey,
Your Mom
I’m guessing that pink box she took is the one on the shelf in the attic. Why didn’t Kelsey still have it? She was going to keep it with her always. Did something happen to change that? Did something happen to her?
Suddenly panic washes through me. Is Kelsey dead? Is that why Mom has the box? Did Brandy meet her mother?
I shake the thoughts away. This is silly. There could be a logical reason why the box is here.
Wait! My mom is adopted, not that she ever talks about it, but what if she was Brandy once?
I shake the thought away and move on to the next letter.
Fourteen
I still haven’t learned any more about Brandy or Kelsey and certainly not enough to figure out who they are. This first stack of letters I’d taken from the pink box just talked about high school. It’s more of a school for artists and sounds like a boarding school since they live in dorms. She even has her own room. All the students do. Lucky Kelsey doesn’t have to share her space with anyone. Certainly not a younger sister who got into her stuff.
She has a few friends, but talks about Kate and Christian the most, because they were working on a music project. Then there is Ryan who likes to take pictures, and they got in trouble once because he was taking pictures of her pregnant belly. She’s also mentioned playing in the orchestra for the musicals and some of her favorite performers are Zach and Alyssa. She also mentions a Zoe, who has the most beautiful voice Kelsey had ever heard. I didn’t realize that all these
