Wow! Whoever wrote this letter is my age? I can’t imagine being pregnant right now. I haven’t even had sex. Hell, I’ve never had a boyfriend, which sucks.
Her mom is dead?
Hell, mine could be dead too. At least she knows who her mom was. I don’t know who either of my real parents are.
Birth parent, I hear my mom’s voice in my head. She’s always correcting us when we use real. To Mom and Dad, they are our real parents.
As for your father, his name was Brandon Lange, and we were in love.
Brandon and I met at the same foster home about three years ago. They weren’t good people, and we couldn’t stay there anymore so we ran away. They didn’t do anything to me and Brandon, but nobody would listen to me about how bad they were, so we left.
The two of us lived on the streets and in shelters until we got jobs and could afford a place to rent by the week.
I want you to know that even though I was a dropout, working and not going to school, I wasn’t a loser either. Neither was Brandon. We read and studied all the time. We had plans to get our GEDs and someday go to college.
That didn’t happen. At least not for Brandon. One night while he was working at a store, it was robbed and he was shot. I found him right after, and he died in my arms. I didn’t even know I was pregnant with you at the time.
Holy crap! He died? In her arms?
I can’t wrap my head around this. It’s like I’m reading a story. A fictional one, but this handwriting is as real as the paper it’s on.
I was put back into the system, and they found a place where I could finish high school and maybe even go to college. But, I can’t stay here if I keep you.
This has not been an easy decision. You are mine. Mine and Brandon’s, but if I keep you and give up on a future, I am condemning both of us. We’d be on the streets, and I don’t know how I would support you. And, if child services doesn’t think I’m doing a good enough job, they’ll take you away from me and then you’ll be in the system. I can’t protect you in the system. Nobody is protected in the system. Caseworkers try, but it doesn’t always work out.
So, I either keep you and risk what can happen, or I give you up. I’ve seen too much and experienced too much to expose you to the nightmare of foster care. My other choice, give you up for adoption where you will have a safe, warm home and never need anything.
I’ve decided on adoption, and I hope you can one day forgive me for giving you up, but I did it for you, not me. It breaks my heart knowing that I’ll never get to see you grow up.
I do love you. More than I thought it was possible to love anyone or anything, and I haven’t even met you yet.
Kelsey,
Your Mom
“Wow!” I fold the letter and put it back in the box. That was the first one and there are dozens of others. How many did this woman write?
Who the hell is Brandy? Mom and Dad didn’t adopt a Brandy. They’ve had their fair share of foster kids over the years too, but none of them were named Brandy either. Besides, Brandy was supposed to be adopted, so she wasn’t a foster kid.
Were Mom and Dad holding onto these letters for someone else? My parents do belong to a group of adoptive parents. Kind of a support group, but I’ve never met the other parents, or their kids. Maybe they have a kid named Brandy.
I know I shouldn’t read these. They aren’t mine but belong to someone else, but I can’t help myself.
Women give up their babies all the time for all kinds of reasons. I don’t know why my mom gave me up, and I’ve tried not to think about it. Who wants to be reminded that they weren’t wanted?
But, this Kelsey wanted Brandy, and I get why she gave her away. Though a part of me thinks she could have worked something out so she could keep her baby.
Or, maybe not. I’m sixteen. What the hell would I do if I found out I was pregnant? Mom and Dad would freak first, but they’d keep me and the baby. This Kelsey didn’t have anyone. This Kelsey was the same age I am now. That had to have been crazy scary.
I know I shouldn’t read these, but Mom and Dad will never know. I need to know what is in the rest of the letters.
I fold up the one I just finished, put it back in the box and take out the next.
Brandy,
I picked your parents today. They are about as perfect as can be.
It wasn’t easy either. The lawyer had all kinds of files of couples wanting to adopt, and it took me forever to go through them. I just can’t give you over to anyone. They have to be the right people.
Before I got to them, I read every file. I didn’t want anyone super rich. I’m sure they could give you everything, but I’m not sure everything should come easy. I also didn’t want to give you to anyone who may struggle financially, even if they could afford to pay for an adoption right now, because I don’t want you to miss out on opportunities. So, after I had a stack of families that met my first requirements, I learned everything I could about them. There are a lot of reasons some couples didn’t make the cut, and sometimes it was as simple as it didn’t feel right. It’s great to feel with your heart, but I learned long ago, that it is my gut that I trust.
When I had the couples narrowed down
