Rage burned in my gut, and I wanted to go after her. I wanted to chase her down and tell her everything there was to tell, but I didn’t. I stayed in my seat, transfixed on the fire, my last bits of restraint melting along with it.
“You had no right to do that,” I muttered, turning from the fire to Luke, who was nervously puffing away.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized, face creased with concern. “I didn’t mean to push or to have her hear that. I never wanted to force you into a corner.”
“Well, you did,” I pointed out, refusing to gloss it over. “You have no right to tell me how to share my business with my person. Do you understand that?”
He nodded.
“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to tell the best thing that’s happened to me why I’m the biggest fucking coward she’ll ever meet.”
* * *
I found Elena curled up in one of the papasan chairs by the window in our room, staring out at the waves. Her eyes didn’t budge when I entered the room.
“I’m sorry about that,” I offered as I sat on the bed. “It wasn’t the time or place to talk about it out there.”
She didn’t reply, her eyes still focused on the waves.
“My brothers are always pushing me to do the right thing, and that’s all they were doing. We weren’t talking about you. It was about me and my bullshit, as usual.”
There was still no reply, her eyes glued on the distance. Her body was folded up tight, her arms looped around her knees.
“There’s no easy way to say this... so I’ll just say it.” A thousand emotions roared to life, everything from anger to embarrassment fleeing. I felt the tears coming, a sensation I hadn’t had in years, but I didn’t bother to brush them away, letting them fall freely. “I tried to kill myself five years ago today.”
She spun to face me, horrified. “Oh my God!” she cried, scrambling to get to her feet, tripping over herself to get to me. As soon as she did, her arms wrapped around me, her scent an added blanket of comfort. “I’m so sorry! I had no idea!”
“No one does,” I muttered, nuzzling against her shirt, reaching to brush tears away. “But it was a long time ago, and things have changed since then.”
She pulled her body from me, staring down with wide, watery eyes. “Jase, you don’t have to explain anything, okay?”
“Yes, I do,” I replied, running my hands up and down her sides, trying to work up the nerve. “It seemed like the only way out. It wasn’t, obviously, but that didn’t stop me from being a coward.”
Her face contorted, anger flashing, gripping my hands in hers. “Don’t you ever say that!” she hissed. “You are not a coward! You weren’t then, and you aren’t now! Do you hear me?”
I shook my head. “It was a stupid thing to do, but it’s still a part of me. That’s why they were so adamant I tell you. I almost did, back when I found Hank, but I couldn’t. I took the coward’s way out there too.”
“Baby, don’t talk like that.” Tears spilled forth, smudging her eye makeup. “You’re not a coward. You’re the most fearless man I know.”
I chuckled, still shaking my head. “I guess I put on a good front.”
She wiped at her eyes, smearing the black runoff. “I’m serious.”
“So am I,” I breathed. “But that’s why I get headaches, and why I have nightmares. I can still feel the jolt of the gun going off in my hand and hear the blast. I remember it like it was yesterday.”
She pulled me close, smashing my face into her shirt while she shook with sobs. “No more, okay? No more!”
I pulled my face free, reaching up to wipe her tears away. “It’s important you know, Elena. You’re my future. I don’t want any secrets.” I reached up to part my hair a little above my right ear, the spot where the scar hid beneath. “This is part of me.”
A faded circle was all that remained of an injury that left me hospitalized for two months. No one knew outside of my brothers, doctors, and Bianca what happened. Not even Croft. All they knew was that I had a medical emergency, and that was that. No one questioned the headaches or any of it.
As much as I hated Bianca with every fiber of my being, I owed her for saving my life. If she hadn’t come by to pick up her things and called for help, I would have been dead. Had she left me there, she would have inherited everything, but she didn’t. She made the call and saved my life. We did both utter “til death do we part,” after all.
Elena
I never knew pain like the one that pierced my heart when Jason showed his scar to me, revealing his ultimate moment of vulnerability. It was as terrifying as witnessing a superhero fall, the immortal one showing he too was human. But I would never turn my back on him and run or declare him damaged. Because he wasn’t. He was the strongest man I knew, scars and all.
He didn’t have to say another word more about it, but he did. He shared his memories, the two of us sobbing as he poured his heart out, the man of stone crumbling to pieces. I built him back up as each pebble fell, piecing him together again. It was the least I could do for the man I loved.
I didn’t tell him then, but I knew I would as soon as he was ready. Maybe he needed a little longer, but he was worth it. He needed to feel my love at the moment–not hear it. In time he would know, and a sliver of
