Tossing back the covers, Paisley gave herself a mental kick to get up and start her morning. It had been quite some time since she’d heard Braxton speaking to Emmersyn.
She slipped on a pair of purple boy shorts and a matching tank before she exited the bedroom that she now shared with Braxton on a nightly basis. As she got closer to Emmersyn’s nursery, she could hear the faint creaks of the rocker. Instantly she knew why it had been so quiet—Emmersyn was asleep.
She loved being rocked in the old rocker. It had been a family heirloom that was passed down from generation to generation in Paisley’s family. It was the same chair that her mother had rocked her to sleep in.
“Penny for your thoughts,” she said when she found Braxton rocking back and forth, his fingers running through the baby’s red curls. The same red curls her mother had had.
Braxton glanced up to find Paisley patiently waiting for an answer. How was he going to explain that he didn’t want any more children? He’d been adamant that he wasn’t interested in raising more children in the past. Yes, he had joked about the response at the time, because it was too early in the day to be having such a serious discussion. But he had thought she’d read between the lines and was onboard with his decision.
“Morning, butterfly. Did you sleep well?”
She wanted to reply that she’d had the best sleep ever, but she knew if she did, she’d have to ask about his nights sleep. And she was certain he had already been thinking about the question she’d asked of him. Not sure she was ready to hear it, she avoided the question.
“Morning, Brax. Are you hungry? I’ll make us breakfast if you want.”
“Starving. But we need to talk first.”
“Okay, I guess.” She searched his face. “Let me grab a cup of coffee first.”
Braxton rocked for a few more minutes before rising and placing Emmersyn in her crib. When he entered the kitchen, Paisley was standing in front of the window, coffee cup in her hand, and looking into the distance.
“Sit with me.” Braxton pulled out the chair closest to him. Once she was seated. “I know you want more kids, butterfly. I get it; Emmersyn isn’t yours and you want your own child. And you should want that.” Paisley silently acknowledged him. “I don’t, Paisley. It’s too much to ask of me. What if you have complications as well? I can’t stand the thought of losing you because of it.”
Paisley had been ready to fight him if he’d said no. She’d spent the last several minutes staring out the window and replaying over and over in her head what his answers could be so she could argue the pros to each of his cons. But not once had she thought that his reasoning would be based on fear of losing her. “That’s why you don’t want kids anymore. Because you’re afraid I’ll die as well giving birth to our child?” Please don’t say yes. Please don’t say yes, she silently prayed.
“Yes. I can’t raise one child on my own let alone two. Besides, losing you would be like ripping out my heart. I’d never survive it.”
Paisley’s beat a little faster in her chest at his declaration. Though she felt that strongly about Braxton, she still had moments when she wasn’t sure if he experienced the same level of devotion.
“I won’t die, Brax. And before you argue, hold on a minute.” Paisley pushed away from the table to retrieve her phone. She quickly typed in a search question and then took her seat before showing Braxton her phone. “See, It says 23.8 out of one million women die in childbirth each year. That’s an extremely low number. You don’t have to worry.”
Braxton set his coffee cup on the table before reaching out his hand to grasp hers. “Yeah, and Alissa was one of those 23.8 women. My parents were a statistic as well. My luck isn’t the best, butterfly, and I’m not willing to risk it.”
Paisley was defeated. She wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to convince Braxton that the doom-and-gloom feelings he had were irrational. After all, aside from her appendix rupturing, she was healthy and had never had anything worse than a cold growing up. She was lucky and only had to visit a doctor twice a year. Once for her yearly checkup and once for her flu shot.
She was ready to give up when a thought came to mind. “Do you believe in God?” It was a simple question, yet it took Braxton several minutes before he responded to her.
“There was a time when I didn’t. But yeah, now I do. I’m able to forgive him for allowing terrible things to happen in my life. I think he determines a path for us. We wouldn’t be where we are today business-wise if my parents hadn’t died.” He thought for a moment before speaking again. “I wouldn’t have you if Alissa was still alive. So, yeah, I think things happen for a reason and we just have to believe that road He leads us on is the path we are supposed to be on.”
Paisley loved that he could find some positives out of the darkest times of his life. “So, would you say that if we were meant to be parents to a child of our own, that God would let that happen? And if we weren’t, then he’d keep us from having children?”
“That’s an awfully big stretch, Paisley.”
“I’m just asking that we let nature take its course. I’ve been on birth control for so long that I don’t even know if I’ll be able to conceive quickly. Let’s just let things play
