Braxton sat quietly for a moment. Would it be so bad to throw caution to the wind and try?
“So, let me ask you this, butterfly—if I said that I’m never going to want more children, would you leave me?”
It was a simple question, one that Paisley hadn’t thought of at all when she’d decided she wanted another child. Would she leave him? She hadn’t thought that he would construe her request as an ultimatum.
“Brax, this isn’t a demand. That’s not how love works. I’ve been in love with you since we were kids. I always fantasized about us getting married and having a family. I just never thought it would happen. And now that it has, it’s the next step in our lives, don’t you think?”
She could see the wheels turning in his head. “I’m not going to leave you over this. But I can’t honestly say that there wouldn’t be a part of me that would resent you for not giving us the opportunity. And who knows if over time that grudge might or might not turn to hatred. See? That's the thing, Braxton. We don’t know what the future holds for us. We should just live each day like it is our last. Love each other to the fullest and raise a family who hopefully, we’ll grow old with. You could get hit by a car tomorrow; I could die in childbirth. Either is a long shot, and there's no guarantee that one won’t happen.”
Braxton stood before walking over to the sink. He rinsed his empty cup and put it in the drying rack. When he returned to the table, he didn’t take his vacated seat. Instead, he squatted before her. He took both of her hands in his and looked straight into her eyes. “Okay, let's give this a try. But if you aren’t pregnant within the next three months, then we’ll know it’s not meant to happen and you’ll go back on the pill or I’ll get a vasectomy.”
The last thing Paisley wanted was for Braxton to have a vasectomy. That was too permanent for her so she agreed to go back on the pill. Honestly, she hoped to be pregnant in the three months, but if not, it was no big deal to start taking them again and come off in the future if she could convince him later.
“Deal.” She squealed. She lunged forward, wrapping her arms around his neck. “You’ve made me so happy.”
Chapter 32
Paisley sat in the bathroom, holding a white plastic stick in her hand. There had been twenty before it, all ending in the same result. Negative.
Not from lack of trying, not at all. She and Braxton had gone at it like rabbits since their frank discussion.
She had been so certain several times that she had been pregnant, and seeing the single pink line had felt as though her life was coming to an end. She’d prayed night after night for God to give her a child. When it hadn’t immediately happened, she’d begun to feel inadequate. And no matter how many times Braxton attempted to make her feel better, depression was starting to get the best of her.
“It’s alright, butterfly. It will happen when the time is right.” He stroked her hair as she laid her head in his lap while they watched television in front of a crackling fire.
It was almost Christmas, and all Paisley wanted to give Brax was the gift of a child. She had been falling apart for months. Every negative test sent her into crying fits and he had been there each time.
“What does it say?” Brax would ask as the timer would beep.
Bubbles of hope would rise inside her until she turned the stick over, revealing one pink line. And, like that, they popped, one by one, taking her dreams of being a mom with them.
Brax had been her rock, holding her up through it all. He’d spooned with her when she was too sad to get out of bed and wiped away the endless tears. He was her everything.
And she was losing faith.
The holidays had come and gone. Christmas morning, they’d both agreed to let the day be filled with the joy of Emmersyn’s visit from Santa. They’d taken pictures of their little girl with a stocking laying at her feet by the Christmas tree. One where Paisley wore a Santa hat as she fed Emmy who was smiling as if everything was right in the world. And then, at the end of the night, a selfie of her and Braxton on the sofa, the only light in the room coming from all the twinkle lights on the tree in the background and the fireplace beside them. They both looked happy; you’d have never known that inside, Paisley was hurting.
As they rang in the new year, Paisley had just about given up hope. But then a miracle happened, and just before Valentine’s Day, two little pink lines showed up on her First Response test. Braxton had traveled to Arizona for several days to meet with a client who was on-set filming in the high desert. When he’d returned home that evening, she’d greeted him at the door. Her smile was bigger than he’d ever seen it and joy had radiated from her whole body.
The minute he opened the front door he knew that something had changed. Music rang out from the speakers that were built into the ceiling. The smell of freshly baked cookies filled the air and Paisley stood before him, eagerly holding something in her hands. She bounced on her heels, waiting for Braxton to set his jacket and carry-on down.
Seconds passed, but she seemed too excited
