I’m weak.
I let him break me.
I would’ve been a horrible mother.
My mind wanders to the pills in my jewelry box. Something to take the edge off. I have four or five. I could really use them right about now.
Because I’m weak.
I need to escape.
“Char,” Roux murmurs, threading our fingers together. “I’m sorry you lost your baby. I can’t begin to imagine how badly you must be hurting right now.”
The tears begin falling once more as I allow myself to grieve for the tiny thing I will never know. Roux cries too as she shares the pain with me.
I don’t know how to fix myself.
Everything is broken, especially my heart.
Roux tilts her head up to look at me with her bloodshot eyes. “You’re going to come back from this. You’re too strong not to.”
I’m a fraud.
I’m not strong at all.
“I hope,” I whisper.
Her fierce amber eyes glimmer with intensity. “You will.”
I will.
I have to.
The alternative is something I don’t have the strength to bear.
Cal
Two weeks later…
“Go home, Calvin.”
I flinch and crack my eyes open. “Nah, I’m good.”
Terrence’s grandma, Rhetta, shakes her head at me. She knows I’m not going anywhere. I’ve planted my ass in his hospital room for weeks, ever since they pulled him out of ICU. He’s since been moved to a long-term care unit.
I know my man, though. He’s going to pull through.
“You heard the doctor,” she reminds me. “Terry probably won’t ever wake up.”
I grit my teeth, annoyed she’d even say that in his presence. “He’ll wake up.”
“Cal—”
“He’s going to wake up,” I grit out. “He has to.”
I scrub my palm over my face, hating the grief that threatens to consume me. I refuse to accept him as gone. He’s still right fucking here. We had plans. Just like we did when we terrorized Miss Lennon’s class when we were five. It’s us against the world. The original Hoodlums. When Roan and Jordy entered the picture, we’d already established ourselves as the town’s little shitheads. They just enhanced it. Made us more obnoxious and unruly because we became a pack. Yet though we are four Hoodlums, we’ve always been divided down the middle. Me and Terrence. Jordy and Roan.
Jordy still has Roan.
My other half is hooked to a bunch of fucking machines, probably braindead.
Rhetta walks over to me and rubs at the back of my neck in that grandmotherly way that calms me the hell down. “You need rest, son. Don’t make me call your momma and daddy to come do my dirty work.”
I groan, knowing she’s won this battle. Mom’s been worried about me and Dad’s ready for me to just get over it. I can’t get over it. I can’t move on. He’s alive. Right here. I just have to help him remember to come back to me.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. I pull it out to see a text from Roan.
Roan: Hollis is cooking spaghetti. Sebban’s favorite. Want to come over?
Me: Will Jordy be there?
Roan: Nah, he’s a pussy now. Roux has him holed up playing daddy.
Me: She’s barely pregnant. What could he possibly do right now?
Roan: Fuck if I know. Building cribs and shit. Whatever it is, she has his ass home and in bed by ten.
I smirk. Terrence would love the hell out of seeing badass Jordy being pussywhipped by Little Hoodlum. I’m glad, though, that he’s not going to be there. I love the guy, but something about having the three of us without Terrence feels off. I can deal with just Roan right now. Not Roan and Jordy and me without Terrence.
Me: Did Rhetta put you up to this?
Roan: You know that old lady scares me lol.
Said old lady smacks me upside my head for his words.
“Ow,” I grumble. “He said it. Not me.”
“You laughed, boy.”
I bite back another chuckle because I totally did and deserved it.
Me: She’s not old. She’s beautiful and an amazing cook.
Roan: She’s reading our texts…shit. Love ya, Grandma Rhetta.
Me: Ass kisser.
Roan: Yeah, yeah. Just get your ass over here. Pick up a gallon of milk on your way for your nephew. See you in twenty.
I still can’t believe Roan has a kid.
Fucking Sidney.
A shame she died, too. Sidney was annoying and all up on our nuts when we were teenagers, but she wasn’t a bad person. The girl did so much better when she started seeing the nerd. We have Baby Hoodlum now and Roan’s a damn dad, so some good came out of all that. He’s pretty happy to have a kid.
“I guess I’ll go check on that asshole,” I tell Rhetta as I stand.
At nearly six-five, I tower over Terrence’s grandma. She’s still meaner than a snake and always has the upper hand, even being as shrimpy as she is.
“Call me if he wakes up,” I remind her for the millionth time.
She purses her wrinkled lips together. “You’ll be the first one.”
We hug and then I stride out of there, my head down and my thoughts slowly unraveling. When I’m not aching from loss, I’m pissed. It’s hard to be angry when I hear the hiss-woosh of the breathing machine keeping him alive. But the second I leave, it all comes bubbling up like an inferno of hate.
She did this to him.
Charlotte fucking English.
It’s no secret we all hate the Cuntinghams, so it was a shock when Charlotte got involved with that asshole Ryan. Still, we didn’t think it was that big of a deal. The arrogant dick would get bored of her after a while and move on.
He didn’t.
Instead, he turned her into one of them.
Druggie fucktards who think they’re above the law.
That girl got wasted on drugs and drove headfirst into my best fucking friend. She nearly killed him. Hell, he may still die because of
