“Worm’s dead,” Sebban says, making a face that reminds me of his mother when I’d say something particularly offensive back in the day. Makes me feel like shit, too.
I ruffle his dark hair. “Yeah, worms die sometimes, kid.” Like moms.
“Hollis,” Roan calls out from upstairs. “The oven timer’s going off.”
Hollis scoops up Sebban. “Let’s go eat, buddy.”
As we walk up the stairs, Hollis glances over his shoulder at me. He has this intense way of looking inside you and seeing shit. Probably how he broke down Roan’s walls and got inside.
“You okay?”
Nah, your sister nearly killed T. Not fucking okay, man.
“Yep,” I lie.
His lips press into a frown. It’s not like I’m going to make waves with Hollis. He wasn’t the one who got behind the wheel. “How is he? Any change?”
“Nope.”
We walk inside and are met with a mouthwatering garlicky aroma. I’d gone straight up to the hospital this morning—like every morning—and only had coffee, a bag of chips from the vending machine, and a peppermint Rhetta fished out of the bottom of her purse. I’m fucking starving.
Hollis takes Sebban into the kitchen so they can wash their hands. Roan pulls the garlic bread out of the oven, his back to me. For a moment, I watch the three of them. Already so domestic. Like they were born for this life. It makes me realize how different Terrence and I are from Roan and Jordy. Once again. Roan’s got his shit together being married and fighting fires and being a damn daddy. Jordy’s playing catch-up like it’s his job.
But me and T?
We’ve been partying it up and getting laid, knowing that once we graduated a couple of weeks ago, we’d have to finally start being adults.
Now everything feels on pause.
“You made a lot,” I observe as I stick the milk in the fridge. I walk up to Roan and peer over his shoulder. “I don’t eat that much.”
He shrugs, not meeting my eyes. “The girls are coming over too.”
I frown and dart my gaze over to Hollis, who also won’t look at me.
“Which girls?”
A long pause and then the sound of the front door opening.
“What exactly are you compensating for, Cal?” Penny’s familiar voice grumbles in greeting behind me. “That truck is so obnoxious. It screams teeny, tiny dick.”
“Penny,” Hollis admonishes.
I laugh at her words, but it dies in my throat when I see her.
Charlotte fucking English.
Alive. Well. Awake.
Unlike T.
Fuck this girl.
Charlotte
Hatred.
It burns into me hotter than a thousand suns.
And I deserve every scalding degree of it.
That’s why, rather than looking away from Cal’s furious green eyes that seem to glow, I stare straight into them. I hope I can convey with a look how sorry I am. How badly I wish I could fix it. I expect him to say something—anything—but he remains quiet, which is quite a feat for him. His nostrils flare like a bull ready to charge and his jaw clenches over and over.
“How are you feeling?” Hollis asks as he approaches with Sebban clinging to him like a little monkey.
Cal grimaces, as though he’s disgusted that Hollis would even care. I’m forced to look away from him and at my brother.
“I’m fine,” I assure him with one of my signature, fake cheerleader smiles.
A snort escapes Cal. Out of everyone, I know he takes what happened with Terrence the hardest aside from me. They were best friends. Ever since I’ve known them, Terrence and Cal have been joined at the hip. Twins of terror. They lived to wreak general havoc with authority and then fall into bed with whichever girl had the nicest, most accessible tits. Total manwhores and unapologetic about it.
They were happy, though.
Until I put a stop to that.
“Char,” Hollis says, his soft words cutting through the fog of my inner thoughts.
“Hmm?”
“I asked if you’d talked to Dad.”
“Not in a couple of days. He flew out to California.”
“For work?”
“I don’t know. He didn’t say.”
He gives me a nod, leans in, and kisses the top of my head. It means a lot to me that Hollis has been reaching out to me. Making me not feel so alone. Roan, of all people, should hate me for what I did to one of his best friends. It would give Hollis every right to hate me too. Instead, Hollis and Roan have been concerned for me. Of course, that makes me hate myself a little more. I don’t deserve their kindness.
Hollis steps away to set Sebban at the table where Roan sets down a plate for him. My heart melts a little seeing them be daddies. It makes me realize how much I’ve missed.
Because of him.
Just thinking of Ryan has me shuddering.
While everyone heads into the kitchen to make their plates, I escape to the bathroom, needing a minute to breathe. I close the door behind me and avoid the mirror. No matter how many times I put on makeup or fix my hair, I can’t help but feel like a fraud. Like I’m hiding all my horrible problems that should be written in plain view for all to see as a warning.
My eyes fill with tears as the self-loathing threatens to swallow me whole. Before I know it, I’m digging around in the cabinets on a hunt for something to take the edge off. I pick up a bottle of leftover Percocets from when Hollis had his wisdom teeth removed last year. From the looks of it, he only took three, so he won’t even notice if one is missing.
I open the bottle and turn it over into my palm. Five rattle out and into my hand. There are still plenty in the bottle. Five won’t be missed. Quickly, I twist the cap back on and toss it into the cabinet. I’m about to take one when someone knocks on the door, making me shriek in surprise.
The door pushes open and I realize in my haste to
