“If that’s what you want.” He enunciated each word carefully as if he were holding himself together.
My heart was breaking. Why did I have to choose between standing on my own and having him by my side? I was so confused. I needed time to think. I needed time to calm down after that conversation with my dad and sort things out in my head.
I pulled my head back to look at him, but his eyes were fixed on a spot over my head. I wanted to tilt his face down to mine. I wanted to pull his lips to mine, kiss him until this space between us disappeared. But I didn’t know if it would be okay. His body and expression radiated his displeasure with me.
Maybe space was a good idea for both of us to calm down. I needed to figure out what to do and I couldn’t think clearly with Cade.
“Okay.” He shifted his legs so I returned to my seat to fasten the seat belt.
He turned the truck on, the engine rumbling to life. We didn’t speak on the ride to my apartment. When he parked at the curb in front of my apartment, I unbuckled, my hand hovered over the door handle. “I’ll talk to you later. I just need time to think.”
Cade’s eyes filled with emotion—frustration, fear, and love. “I want to be here for you.”
“I want that more than anything too. I need to think. I need to do this one thing and stand on my own two feet for once.”
Cade nodded, but he didn’t respond.
“Thanks for introducing me to your parents. They were amazing.” Tears prickled my eyes because if Cade and I didn’t work, that meant I couldn’t claim his family as mine. I wanted to with every fiber of my being. I wanted Cade and his family. I wanted to live here and make the firm and Kids Speak expansion a success. For the first time since I moved, I saw a future.
As quickly as the lightness entered my body—a black fog clouded my vision—I had no future with Dad still calling the shots from New Orleans. I needed to deal with him once and for all. “I know you don’t agree with it, but this is important to me.”
“If you go back there…” He shook his head. “He’ll continue to manipulate and control you.”
I tensed, poised to leave. “I need to do this. I need to stand up to him.”
“You can do just as easily with me at your side.” He turned to me finally, his eyes pleading.
“You don’t know my dad. He won’t take me seriously if you’re there.”
I shifted closer to Cade and cupped his cheek and turned his face toward me. I wanted to make him understand what he’d done for me. “For the first time, I feel strong enough to take Dad on and it’s all because of you. You made me feel this way.”
He shook his head and I dropped my hand. “You were there for me tonight and I want to do the same for you.”
“The difference is I don’t need you there. I can do this on my own.” Was it possible to love someone, yet let them stand on their own? If my dad had loved me over the years, he’d fought every step of me going out on my own and being independent.
“That’s the problem. We’re in a relationship. You don’t have to do things on your own.”
“We’re just rehashing the same thing over and over again. I need time to think.” What I thought was right and what he thought were all jumbled up in my brain and things were going downhill no matter how much I tried to explain my side.
“That’s a good idea.”
I opened the truck door and Cade met me at the steps to walk up to my apartment. When we reached my door, I turned and said, “Goodnight, Cade.”
“I’m here for you when you’re ready.” He kissed me on the cheek, turned, and jogged down the steps.
My stomach sunk. I didn’t want this to be the end of us, but I didn’t know how to be true to myself and our relationship.
I didn’t hear the rumble of his truck pulling from the curb until I was safely inside. I sagged against the door. What had I done? I pushed away from the only person who meant something to me to stand up to my dad. I was torn between what I thought I needed to do and Cade’s desire to be there for me.
Wasn’t I supposed to be asking what I wanted? I’d been subject to other people’s desires and wants for too long to give in to it again. I ignored the voice in my head—telling me Cade was different. He was asking me to do what he thought was right for me, not what was right for him.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Cade
When I drove home, my body vibrated with anger and frustration. Why wouldn’t she let me be there for her? I worried she’d be sucked back into that life—the one I couldn’t possibly understand—the one filled with money, privilege, and countless expectations. Attend this event, work here, and marry this person.
I knew she was strong enough without me, but it never hurt to have someone by your side.
Was this about getting her father’s approval? He was her only living parent, none of his demands were about her—they were about him. My body sagged at the thought. She didn’t have what I had—a loving family who was there for her no matter what.
Her father’s love and approval were conditional on her doing what he wanted and following his orders. When I heard the harsh tone of his voice through the phone, I clenched my hands on the steering wheel to stop myself from taking the phone to give him a piece of my mind.
I tried to take a few deep
