It occurred to Moni that they should have left the loch a day ago, two days ago. They had stayed too long. Every holiday had a perfect length and then it turned into an indulgence, time sitting heavy on idle hands, the mind free to find fault with life left behind, too much friction between people, familiarity turning to contempt. Every holiday was a threat.
Chapter Twelve
When Moni returned to the cottage, she found Adam sitting on the doorstep, waiting for her. The sight of him from afar made the last bit of the walk easier. She enjoyed moving closer to him, seeing him with greater clarity bit by bit. First, he had been a speck to be guessed at and then she could see what he was wearing, that he had his yellow ball in his hands; she could even see the expression on his face and meet his eyes with a smile of greeting. It was a good thing she had turned back and not continued with the others. She paused to catch her breath before walking the last few feet towards him. This would be their last time together. A goodbye gift would have been nice, but there were no shops in this place. Even if there were shops, she would have been lost and not sure what to get him. She would have just taken him with her and bought the first thing he pointed out. How sad that he didn’t speak and that his parents were negligent. She must remember to take a selfie with him. It would be her holiday souvenir.
‘Are you hungry, Adam?’ She unlocked the door of the cottage and led him into the kitchen. ‘Salma, Iman and I have to eat everything in the fridge before we leave the day after tomorrow otherwise it’s a bother packing it all again.’ There wasn’t too much food left, but there was a mismatch. Too much milk, for example. Rice with nothing to eat it with. Cheese but no bread. The eggs needed to be finished. She warmed up some soup and they each put a spoonful of rice in their bowl, but still there was a lot left over.
Moni suddenly felt warm and sleepy. She did not want to say goodbye to Adam, but she wished she could have a nap. Just a short nap before the others returned.
Adam was pointing to the oven. He pulled open one of the drawers and took out the cookie cutter. She must bake for him if this was what he wanted. They had baked before and he had enjoyed it. He could take the cookies away with him and that would be her goodbye gift. Moni made herself a cup of coffee to recharge her energy.
She spoke to him as she gathered the ingredients together. ‘I made sandwiches this morning, nice ones, but I didn’t get to eat any. I put pickles and mustard in them and made them special. I even added fresh mint from the garden.’ The sandwiches were all up on the trail with Salma and Iman. Maybe they would come back with one for her. Knowing Iman, she would crumble Moni’s share and feed it to the birds. ‘That’s how she is. There’s war in her country but the people are well fed. That’s why she has no qualms about wasting food. In my country it’s the other way round. That’s why I’m never wasteful. I never throw food away. I always eat it. Maybe that’s why I’m overweight.’
They baked the cookies together and the smell filled the cottage. ‘I’m going to miss you, Adam,’ she said. He didn’t understand what she was saying. Abstract words. With her phone, she took photos of him wearing the oven gloves, biting into the first cookie and finding it too hot.
She left him to go to the bathroom and after that she prayed in the bedroom. When she finished praying, the bed looked so tempting that she could not resist the need to stretch out for a few minutes and listen to the hum of her aching muscles. It had been silly to join Salma and Iman on that walk, out of character. She had done it to be nice to Salma; that was all. Now she was relieved that it was over. Tomorrow they would visit Lady Evelyn and the day after they would go back to their normal lives. Her son was waiting for her. She had been away long enough, and he could not be left to stay with strangers for ever. This holiday had been a break from caring for him. At first, she hadn’t appreciated the need for it or been grateful to Salma for taking upon herself all the organisation. She must remember to thank her, even if she did not look up to her as she had done before. That business with Amir had certainly made her reconsider.
When Moni opened her eyes, she wondered if Adam had got bored and left. She didn’t want him leaving without the cookies. This thought propelled her out of bed and into the kitchen. No, there he was, still sitting at the kitchen table eating the cookies. There was even more of him, he was taking up more space, growing before her very eyes. She gasped at what she was seeing. Adam was ballooning, becoming wider, taller, fatter. He seemed unperturbed by this and continued chewing, half a cookie in his hand, and it was as if every crumb were making him grow. He was now her own size and yet still the child features: smooth chin, chubby cheeks, the missing tooth in his mouth. He was bigger than her, too big. Moni felt she must do something
