“So, it’s true,” he said, staring at me like I was a stranger. “You’re one of them now.”
“I’m also one of you,” I said, standing from my bed. This wasn’t going at all how I’d intended, how I’d imagined in the last few weeks of boredom, when I’d daydreamed about our reunion in dozens of different ways. I’d looked forward to seeing him—not all summer, as I’d been too consumed with bloodlust for the first few months, but I’d missed him, longed for his safe presence, for the freedom I felt with him.
From what I could see, the feeling was not mutual.
“Are you?” Alarick said. “You never really took to being a wolf. Maybe you were never meant to be one.”
“I wasn’t,” I snap. “But your psycho dad made me into one, so that’s what I am.”
“But you’re a vampire.”
“Yeah, and? I’d be dead if I wasn’t. Would that be better?”
Alarick swallowed, turning his attention to the window.
“Oh my god, you’d rather I was dead than see me as a vampire.”
“No,” he said quickly, but the pain was already lodged in my heart. I’d seen it. If he didn’t think that, he’d at least considered it. Considered the fact that I might be better off dead—that he might be better off if I were dead—than turned into a vampire. That’s how much he hated them.
I crossed my arms over my chest and tried to hold my heart together. “Well, I’m not dead,” I said. “I’m a wolf, and I’m also a vampire.”
“You seem to have taken to that better.”
“How would you know?” I asked. “You haven’t been here.”
He scowled at the ceiling for a moment. “Viktor told me,” he said at last, his voice quieter now, almost resigned. “He kept me updated all summer. Said you were progressing how all vampires do.”
“Oh,” I said, not sure how to respond. I hadn’t asked about him all summer, but that was because I didn’t know Viktor had seen him. Now, I felt selfish for not even trying.
“And if I wasn’t here,” Alarick says, fixing me with a scowl, “It’s because you didn’t want to see me.”
“I wanted to,” I said. “I just… Couldn’t.” I crept toward him cautiously, not sure if he wanted me near him anymore. How could I tell him what it was like, that he couldn’t have loved me after seeing me that way? After watching me turn into something he despised, watching it tear me apart day by day, steal my sanity, consume me until I didn’t care about anything else—even him?
“But you could see Viktor,” Alarick said, glaring.
I stopped a few feet in front of him, close enough that he could touch me if he wanted. But he didn’t pull me into his arms and kiss me, tell me how much he missed me, like he had when I’d imagined this moment. I could smell his wild ocean-and-pine scent, and it made something ache inside me. “You’re acting like I chose vampires over werewolves,” I said, planting my hands on my hips so I wouldn’t reach for him first. “I didn’t choose either. Yes, I’m a vampire now. But I’m still a werewolf, too. I’m both. It’s not fair for you to ask me to choose one side.”
“Then let me make it easy for you,” he said. “You’re no longer a wolf as far as we’re concerned. Vampires nearly eradicated our race. You can’t ally yourself with them and still be one of us. You’re hereby relieved of all duty and affiliation with our pack and our kind.”
“What?” I whispered, a knot forming in my throat. “But I can still shift into a wolf. Your pack turned me, Alarick. You can’t unmake me.”
“I didn’t unmake you,” he said. “You were made into something else.”
“I’m still me,” I said, hating the edge of desperation in my voice. Alarick was it for me. He was end game, and he always had been.
Alarick crossed his arms, his massively thick arms that had held me and protected me. Now, they blocked me out. “You’re not the girl you were,” he said quietly. “You might think you haven’t changed, but you will. You can’t help it. It’s not your fault. But it’s still the truth.”
I remembered Alarick saying he’d never try to hurt me. And maybe he wasn’t now. Maybe he just wanted me to know the truth, to accept that we could never be together now.
“If you can’t love me as a vampire, you never loved me,” I whispered, a tear spilling down my cheek. “You only loved what I was, not who I was.”
“Timberlyn…”
“No,” I said, sucking in a deep breath. These might be the last tears I ever cried—I didn’t know if vampires had tears—and he didn’t deserve to see them. “Just go.”
Alarick paused a long moment before turning to the door. He stepped out of my room and disappeared without another word.
I sank down onto my bed and cried. I didn’t know if vampires were supposed to do that, but I had tears, and they were determined to make their presence known. When I was done, I curled onto my side on the bed and tried to come to terms with my new reality.
It was probably for the best, I told myself. It wasn’t like we’d been together for years, like I thought we’d get married. We weren’t childhood sweethearts. We’d only been together for a few months. I’d known it was temporary, that I wasn’t his mate, and that when he met her, we’d be done. It hadn’t happened quite as expected, but this had never been a permanent thing. I’d been alone most of my life, and this was no different.
Now, I had more time to focus on the thing I needed to do most—stopping Mr. Ravenwood.
