As I lay there, I thought about what Svana and Viktor had done for me. I should have been nicer to them, shown them I was grateful. Viktor had saved me, just as he’d saved Amy. He’d kept me alive, despite Mr. Ravenwood’s wish to kill me. I didn’t know much about vampire society, but I knew they had a council to answer to, and that he could probably get in a lot of trouble for what he’d done. They’d kept my life a secret until I woke up, fed me, moved all my things into this room to protect me and protect the humans on campus.
Maybe I’d just never be the kind of person who fully, easily trusted others. But they were obviously on my side. They’d locked the door when they left, but they’d told me that if I wanted, I could go out and kill a bunch of people. Not that I wanted to do that, but they obviously trusted me to do what was best. The thought of some vampires wanting to leave while unable to control themselves made me sick. I’d dreamed of revenge for years, but now that I was immensely strong and actually able to exact revenge, it was the last thing I wanted.
What I wanted was Alarick. He’d become my comfort, my protector. But as I watched from the window that day, I didn’t see him. That evening, when Svana came back bearing gifts of blood, she told me that the Wolf boys weren’t in school, but she sent a message letting them know where I was. I was so thirsty I barely heard her words.
The hunger had taken me over more every hour until it possessed me like a demon. I barely stopped myself from biting her, even though she didn’t smell like the food she carried. I tore into the thick plastic bag she brought, sucking out the blood like an animal. I knew it was my imagination, but I swore I could smell the humans down there on campus, pulsing with blood and ready to be bitten.
That was when I knew. This was only the beginning. There was no halfway about this part of my vampirism. I wouldn’t be eating anything else. Bloodthirst wouldn’t be optional, like shifting on the full moon. I was well and truly going mad, and it had only been a day.
I told Svana not to let me out, no matter what I said, until I was better. That was when I knew I couldn’t see Alarick, either, no matter how much I wanted to. What if I bit him? What if he saw me like this, a desperate, begging addict, and was disgusted? I sent her away with a message that I loved him, but I wouldn’t be able to see him for a while. Pain squeezed inside me as I delivered the words, but the craving was already back, building inside me until I didn’t feel the pain of Alarick’s absence. All I felt was hunger.
Chapter Three
My summer as a vampire passed in a blur of blood and hunger. I saw no one but Viktor and Svana. Svana told me that Amy went home for the summer, now able to control herself well enough to be trusted around her family. As for me, I had no interest in anything but feeding. Viktor brought me a phone, but I didn’t use it much. I didn’t draw or miss the walks that used to clear my head. I wanted to leave only so I could ravage the entire island.
I screamed at my friends when they wouldn’t let me, even though I’d asked them not to listen to me. I lost the ability to feel shame for my actions. I wanted blood, only blood. The need consumed me. I couldn’t think of anything but the hunger, couldn’t feel the heat of the long summer days, barely noticed the days lingering later and later, until there was barely darkness at all.
And then, gradually, as the endless summer of misery wore on, I began to wake from the red, nightmare hunger. I found myself able to focus on other things, a bit at a time. I checked my phone, texting my parents with more than cursory assurances that I was fine. I sent Josie GIFs. I called Gramma and told her how much I missed her.
I noticed that there were a few more minutes of darkness each night. I thought of questions to ask Svana and Viktor when they came, instead of just lurching at them like a crazed zombie, gulping down the blood, and begging them to let me out to get more. My head began to clear enough to be thankful instead of angry that they didn’t honor my requests, knowing I’d made them out of desperate addiction and not my true intentions.
One evening, in the never-ending twilight of an August day, I did something I thought was impossible—asked Viktor a question before eating.
“How can you and Svana stand to watch someone go through this?” I asked. “I can’t even stand it, and it’s me.”
He shrugged one shoulder and turned away, avoiding my eyes. “It’s just what happens. If the choice is between taking care of the newly evolved or letting them go slaughter a bunch of people and live with that guilt…”
“Because that’s what happened to you,” I guessed, feeling horrible for bringing up something he obviously didn’t want to talk about.
“There was no Ravenwood
