“You did?” Viktor asked, looking up with such hope in his eyes that it broke my heart.
I swallowed hard. “Yes,” I admitted. “But it can’t happen again. Not until I’ve talked to Alarick.”
“You’re breaking up with him?” Viktor asked.
“What? No,” I said quickly. “Look, Viktor, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I like you a lot, as a friend. I’m not sure if I like you as more than that. I’m sorry I can’t give you more answers, but I’ve been up here for so long I’m not thinking straight.”
He avoided my gaze as he stood. “Okay.”
My heart squeezed, and I wanted to reach out and hug him, but I didn’t want to lead him on, and I wasn’t sure how he’d take that. “I’m sorry,” I said again. “But I really need to see Alarick. Can you send him to visit?”
Viktor nodded, his lips tight. “Okay.”
I couldn’t help the horrible feelings of guilt that wrapped around my heart as he stood there, looking so alone, while I asked to see my boyfriend.
“I’m sorry,” I said again, sounding like a broken record by now. “I just need to know where we stand. Maybe he’ll hate me, like you said.”
“Okay.” Viktor went to the door, unlocked it, and stepped out without another word. And then he was gone.
I flopped back on the bed and groaned in frustration. I was so turned around I couldn’t think straight. I hadn’t seen anyone but him in months. Of course I wanted some physical affection. I’d grown close to him, while Alarick was out there…
Damn it. He was probably waiting for me. Probably wanting to see me.
And I… Well, I wasn’t sure how I felt anymore. I missed him. But I wasn’t just a wolf anymore. And I’d never been his true mate, the thing wolves wanted more than anything else in the world. When he found her, he’d have to leave me. Our time had always been measured. That was part of what made us so frantic for each other, made us squeeze every drop from the time we had together. He might meet his mate, and then I would be nothing to him. We had no unnatural bond, only a natural attraction.
Which I seemed to have developed for someone else as well.
Crap on a cracker.
I got up and went to stare at the full moon overhead. I’d shifted once during the summer, mostly to see if it eased the maddening, ravenous hunger. It hadn’t. After that, I had been too distracted, too consumed, to try it. I didn’t have to shift at the full moon, but I knew that somewhere inside me, my wolf was waiting. Tonight, staring up at the silvery orb in the sky, I wanted to shift again. For the first time in months, I wanted to be a wolf, to run through the woods with the wind in my fur, to catch a rabbit, to understand in some instinctual way the treasure of its life as I devoured the fresh meat.
I was coming back to myself at last.
But while I’d been gone, the rest of the world had continued as usual. The world hadn’t waited. It had moved on. What if Alarick had moved on with it?
*
I paced my tiny room a few days later, wondering if I’d made a mistake. Alarick was coming to visit me. I had regained my self-control. I could resist eating until after Viktor and Svana left most of the time. I no longer wanted to jump out my window when I saw someone walking on the campus below, and there had been more visitors lately as school prepared to open. I forced myself to sit down on my bed and stop pacing.
I didn’t think I was ready to be alone with a human, but Alarick Wolf wasn’t human. Even if he smelled as good, which the vampires assured me he wouldn’t, his werewolf strength should be enough to fight off an attack. I was more worried about what he’d think of me. I hadn’t wanted him to see me in my baby vamp craze this summer, and there was a reason for that. Alarick wasn’t the type to lose control. If I attacked him, he’d be horrified. Hell, he’d already be horrified. I was the creature he hated most in the world.
A knock drew me out of my mini-panic, and the next second, I heard the keys turn in the lock. I sat up straight, my heart hammering.
The door swung open, and a tall silhouette filled the doorframe. My heart stopped.
“Hello, there,” said a familiar, accented voice.
I scrambled off my bed so fast I nearly stumbled on my own feet. I shot to the window and threw it open, then turned to face the door again, not wanting to turn my back on him, praying that I was hallucinating.
It was supposed to be Alarick.
“I’ll jump,” I threatened.
Mr. Ravenwood chuckled. “I don’t think so.”
Chapter Four
“What are you doing here?” I demanded. “How did you find me?”
“You took my blood, lamb,” he said with a haughty air. “I’ll always find you. I’m your maker.”
“No,” I said, pressing my back to the wall. “Viktor’s my maker.”
“Hm,” Mr. Ravenwood said, sounding a bit bored. “Perhaps you have two makers. It doesn’t happen often, but it’s not unheard of. Say, for instance, five vampires fed you their blood before you died. They’d all be your makers, wouldn’t they?”
“You knew I was alive all along?”
“Of course,” Mr. Ravenwood said. “You joined my flock, little lamb. A good shepherd always knows where every member of his flock is. And I’m a very good shepherd.”
Though his nickname for me made me gag, I’d rather
