Speaking of causing rows, I twist the ring around on my finger, hiding the small diamond out of sight as I push open the door to the vegan restaurant that Mags has been so keen to try. I was half hoping she would be busy when I texted her to see if she was free for the lunch I had promised her, but she messaged back with an enthusiastic ‘YES’ within seconds of me sending it.
‘Hello, stranger.’ Mags stands from a table in the corner, holding her arms outstretched. I walk into them, breathing in her familiar scent of weed and patchouli. She’s lost weight, her orange hair now dyed bright blue at the tips. I haven’t been back to the flat properly for weeks.
‘Mags.’ I let her squeeze me tight for a moment before gently pushing her away and taking a seat at the table.
‘I thought you were never coming home.’ She smiles, but her voice is laced with an accusatory tone.
‘Sorry… I just… I was staying at Rupert’s.’ I duck my head, letting my hair fall over my face as a blush scorches my cheeks, and I pick up a menu, pretending to read it. I know I’ve neglected Mags, been a terrible friend, but I’ve just been so caught up in the excitement of a new relationship, in the idea of no longer being on my own.
‘Yeah, I gathered that, you dirty stop-out,’ Mags snorts, deftly rolling a joint and spilling flakes of tobacco over the table. ‘So, things are going well then?’ Her voice softens and I think that perhaps she isn’t going to give me a hard time over abandoning her after all.
‘Really, really well.’ I paste on a smile. Things are going well, I tell myself, trying not to think of the shadows over my shoulder. I shove the image of Rupert and Sadie stood close together to the back of my mind.
‘Right, well, that’s good then,’ Mags pauses for a moment. ‘It’s been quiet without you. A bit boring, actually. I always thought you were just a pain in the arse, but it turns out it’s quite shit living on your own.’ She gives a sharp huff of laughter, and blinks rapidly before she picks up the menu, picking at the peeling laminate on the corner.
I say nothing, trying to choose my words carefully. Anxiety makes my stomach clench at what I have to tell her, at how she will react to my news. ‘Actually, I have something to tell you.’
‘Oh?’ She drops the menu now and fixes her gaze on me. ‘What? Although I think I already have a good idea.’
‘You do?’ I don’t know whether to feel relieved or not.
‘You’re going to move in with him, aren’t you?’
‘Well… seeing as he asked me to marry him and I said yes, then that does seem to be the next logical step.’ I try and fail to stop the smile from spreading across my face, but it soon fades when Mags opens her mouth to speak.
‘Are you fucking kidding me?’
‘Mags…’
‘No, seriously, Emily, is this a fucking joke?’ A harsh bark of laughter escapes her lips, as she folds her arms across her chest.
‘No, it’s not a fucking joke.’ A hot bubble of anger bursts in my chest. ‘Really, Mags? This is how you’re going to react? Believe it or not, I am happy to be engaged to Rupert, and I thought you of all people would be pleased that I’m moving on with my life after Harry.’
‘Harry is exactly my point!’ Mags bursts out. ‘Have you forgotten everything I’ve done for you?’
Really? ‘Is that what this is about?’ I blink in shock at Mags’s reaction. ‘What you’ve done for me?’ Wearing my clothes without asking? Buying the same food as me, reading the same books as me, telling me I have no messages when people have called the house, standing at the end of my bed in the middle of the night?
‘I took care of you after you and Harry split up.’ Mags almost spits the words across the table at me. ‘You were a mess when you turned up on my doorstep, so convinced that Harry was going to kill you, you made me keep the chain on the door twenty-four/seven. You were covered in bruises; you had nothing – you didn’t even have a suitcase. You didn’t step foot outside the flat for the first two weeks – who was it who bought you food? Took care of you?’
‘Jesus, Mags.’ I shake my head, ready to get up and leave. I know she doesn’t want me to leave but this is a massive overreaction. ‘I am grateful to you, you know that. I’ve told you enough times. You’ve been a good friend to me, and of course I’m sad to be leaving the flat. It’s been my home, too; we’ve had some good times there. Just because I’m moving out doesn’t mean we don’t have to see each other anymore… but if this is how you feel maybe I should just go and collect the rest of my things.’ I push my chair back, but Mags shoots out a hand and grabs my wrist. I stare down at her hand, her
