Then Halloween.
Then the blackout.
Then Colm.
Since then, she’d switched onto autopilot, riding this wave as long as she could, even though she knew that eventually it would crash into the shore.
Looked like they’d just faceplanted into the sand.
“Colm…I don’t.” She swallowed heavily, not wanting to say the rest. She cleared her throat and dug deep for them. “I don’t think there can be an us.”
“I beg to differ.”
Colm was a lawyer. Which meant this conversation wasn’t going to end easily. And, of course, he’d hit her with this on a day when she was weary straight to the bone after a freaking exhausting day at work.
“Do we really have to talk about this now?”
“Yeah. We do. Because we’re out of time. Holiday break is here.”
She blinked, trying to figure out why he’d drawn that line in the sand…
And then she realized he hadn’t. She had. Her plans with Robbie had.
Although God only knew if those were still in effect. She didn’t have a clue if things between him and Brooke had stuck. If they had…well, she knew from her point of view, she wouldn’t like the idea of her new boyfriend donating sperm to an ex, no matter how innocent and platonic it was.
“I told you before this started that I was taking myself off the market.”
“We’re dating, Kelli.”
“No, we’re not. We’re having sex.” She was the queen of contrary, and she knew it. She wasn’t proud of it at the moment, but years of bickering with Colm had her working on instinct, used to saying white every single time he said black, right or not.
Colm rolled his eyes. “I’ve spent every night here for the last two weeks. I have two suits hanging in your closet, a toothbrush in your bathroom, at least three pairs of dirty socks strewn around this living room floor, and my beer is in your fridge. We are dating.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You insidious bastard.” There was no heat behind her words. In fact, her tone probably told him she knew exactly what they were doing. She just didn’t want to admit it.
“Every time I swing by the apartment for a change of clothes, some member of my family makes sure to ask how my girlfriend is.” Apparently, Colm wasn’t finished making his case. Typical.
She sighed. “I shouldn’t have let things go this far.”
Colm reached for her hand. “I know what you want, sweetheart. I know you’re worried about losing more time, time you need to get what you want, but can’t you give us just a little bit more?”
“How much more, Colm? My chances of conceiving after my next birthday go down to something like twelve percent. Plus, the risk of birth defects and miscarriages increase. I don’t have more time.”
They hadn’t talked about her desire to have a baby since Halloween. He’d mentioned it briefly after the football game a few weeks earlier, but she’d dismissed it out of hand. After that, they just let themselves fall into this relationship—keeping it all surface-y, easy, only paying attention to the fun stuff, while pushing reality away.
He reached out and took her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I get it.”
She shook her head. “No. I don’t think you do. I was an only child, Colm, and it sucked. I always wanted what you and Paddy had. A sibling, someone to play with, fight with. This isn’t going to be a one-time thing for me. I need enough time…”
“To do it twice.”
She smiled sadly. “A family of my own. I want it so badly. I ache for it. And I’m not going to be an overbearing mom, like mine is. My kids are going to pick out their own clothes when they’re little, even if they don’t match. They can put all those ridiculous colors in their hair in high school. I’m not putting up a stupid daily chore chart or badgering their poor teachers when they don’t get the lead in the play or an A on an essay or—”
Colm tugged on her hand, pulling her close enough that he could wrap his arm around her shoulder and place a kiss on top of her head. “You’re going to be an awesome mom. And I know Barb was a bit much…”
Kelli lifted her head and narrowed her eyes. “A bit?”
“But you realize all that overprotectiveness was done out of love, right?”
“Of course I do.”
“Although I do think you’re right to dial it all back a notch or thirty. Remember that time she made Miss Rivers cry when you didn’t get the solo in ‘Time to Say Goodbye’ in our choral concert?”
“Oh my God. Poor Miss Rivers. I felt so bad for her.”
She and Colm laughed at the memory.
Colm sobered up first. “So, more time is out of the question.”
He hadn’t posed that like a question, but she nodded just the same.
“Fine. Call Robbie and tell him no thanks. We’ll stop using the condoms and—”
“Oh my God, no. Please stop right there, Colm. I can’t…we can’t…”
It was never a great idea to tell Colm he couldn’t do something, and she realized her mistake the second she saw the set of his jaw. He was stubborn and tenacious when he got something in his head. It was why he was a great lawyer.
She needed to cut him off at the pass. “Think about it,” she continued quickly. “We’re at the beginning of this…”
“Relationship,” he supplied.
She might not want to say it, but that didn’t change what it was.
“Fine. Relationship,” she conceded. “This is the honeymoon phase. All lust and fun. You and I have both been here about a million times.”
“No, we haven’t.”
She considered that. Considered the last few weeks with Colm. He was right again. Neither of them had ever gotten quite this far. Their past relationships had never moved from dating and the occasional overnights to instant shacking up, which was definitely what this felt like.
“Okay,” she said, trying
