He finishes seasoning the meat, then puts it back in the fridge. “Wine?”
“Maybe at dinner.” I should know whether I’m pregnant or not by then. “How about tea instead?”
Danny picked up a gallon of sweet tea at the market. He grabs two glasses and fills them with ice. “You keep saying you’re stressed out. How are things going at school?”
“Fine.” I reach over and grab my glass of tea, immediately begin drinking.
“Are you still worried about that student? Zoey?”
I don’t like hearing that name come out of Danny’s mouth. The surprise of it almost makes me choke. “Oh, her. She’s still a bother, but not much I can do about it.”
“She hasn’t caused you any more problems?”
I clench my jaw and shake my head. “I think I overreacted to the situation, really. I don’t have proof she hurt her classmate.” I’m not going to tell him about her other comments, or the fact I visited Ms. Peterson yesterday. Danny’s already worried enough. Besides, I’m worried about me now, too. I can deal with Zoey later.
“So.” Danny looks down at his drink, around the room, then at my face. He’s searching for a topic. It’s usually not like that between us. Words come freely. “I’ll get the fire started before dinner.” He leaves his glass on the counter and walks across the room.
“I’m going to freshen up,” I say, slinking down the hallway. I pull the pregnancy test out of the bag, looking over my shoulder for Danny. It’s not like I’m trying to be secretive. But if I take the test and it’s negative, then all this fuss will have been for nothing. If I take it and it’s positive, well, I still don’t think I’m ready to process that. Danny and I have always said we didn’t want children. Though, at times, I think it comes more from me than him.
I go into the bathroom and lock the door. By now my bladder is as tight as my nerves. I read the directions over a few times to make sure I don’t mess it up, although I bought a two-pack, just in case.
I take the test, placing the stick on the bathtub ledge. I look in the mirror. My skin is a bizarre combination of pasty and pink. What I really need is rest. My mind needs rest from thinking about Zoey and Darcy, from remembering Brian. I splash my face with water, savor the immediate coolness. I need to stop worrying about other people’s problems. Ms. Peterson and Pam and Mom. I’m on a weekend getaway with my husband. I deserve to enjoy myself. I brush through my hair with my fingers, making sure each strand is in place. I feel better now. Not necessarily like I can take on the world, but like I can enjoy my dinner. Victory Hills will present enough problems for me on Monday. Tonight, I want to enjoy life for what it is. I can sort out the other stuff later.
I take a deep breath, feeling much calmer and more capable than I did five minutes ago. I lift the test, expecting to see a single, negative line.
But I don’t. I see two lines. That means positive. That means I’m pregnant.
I pull the instruction pamphlet out of the box and read over it again. Maybe I did mess this up. Maybe I waited too long or didn’t provide an appropriate sample. There must be something, anything that would account for this test being positive. I’m a grown woman on birth control, and this can’t be happening.
Just then, Danny raps against the door.
“You feel like getting in the hot tub?”
“Um, no.” My voice is crackly. I hadn’t realized it until I spoke, but I’m crying. “Maybe later.”
“Della?” He knows something is wrong. “Open the door.”
I look in the mirror at myself holding the test. I’ve deliberately withheld information from Danny in recent weeks, but this is too much to carry. After all, I guess it’s not just my news. It’s his, too. I open the door. He can see by my face something is wrong.
“Della, you’re scaring me.”
“Sit down for a second,” I tell him.
He does. I stand in the doorway, leaning against the frame with my hands behind my back.
“I know this seems out of left field, but after my fainting spell earlier I got to thinking—”
“You said that was just nerves.”
“Just hear me out. I got to thinking about everything. My behavior the past few weeks. I’ve not been myself. I’ve been tired. Emotional. I thought it was just stress at work.” I look down, trying not to think about that. Not now. “It dawned on me at the pharmacy I’m about three weeks late. I picked up a test, just in case.”
Danny squints and nods with every other word. “A test? You think you might be pregnant?”
I take the test from behind my back and hold it in front of me. “I don’t know how this happened. Really. But it says positive.”
Danny stands, taking the test from my hand. He looks at it for a few seconds, then back at me.
“My goodness, Della.”
“I know. I never—”
“This is fantastic.” He wraps his arms around me, lifting me off the floor. He kisses my neck. “You’ve acted so weird since we left your mom’s. I thought you were about to break some bad news or something.”
“You’re happy?”
“Of course I’m happy. Especially considering the alternative. A baby… it’s just great.”
“But I thought we decided we didn’t want children.”
“Sure, that’s what we said. I figured that lots of couples say that when they’re young and focusing on careers. They don’t always mean it unless…” He jerks his head back, like he’s seeing me differently. “Unless you meant it.”
I suddenly feel like our relationship has cheated him. Like I’m robbing him of what he really wants. I want to cry, or vomit, or something. I sense a physical reaction coming on, but I’m not sure what.
“Look, when I woke up
