Again, I realized. Again! Again!
‘What?’
“Every single time I get close to comfort, every time I get closer to having the bare minimum required to be happy, I end up losing it all.”
It was like this, as a skink, when I got my Domain destroyed. It was like this when I finally learned how to speak, but then Zlosta decided to attack humans, and I had to run away from Hoplite. Now, then, the only thing that had kept me alive in those trying times, my one refuge that had me believe without a shadow of a doubt that I could survive Alamir –
It wasn’t infallible.
[Duality] wasn’t infallible. It could be countered. Beaten. Overwritten.
It was the only thing in the world I’d come to rely on –
And I couldn’t even rely on it.
“I’m… I’m done.”
‘What? You can’t be serious.’
“I am. I’m done… with all of this.”
‘Just because Duality can be countered doesn’t mean we should give up. We still have our Phoenix title. We can still –’
“We can’t!” I snapped. “Don’t you get it? We’re not the heroes of some epic saga. We’re not going to win with the overwhelming power of love or friendship. There isn’t an omniscient being lording over us and ensuring we succeed no matter what.”
I grit my teeth. “All that’s in store for us… is endless failure and suffering. And I can’t… I can’t…”
‘…just like how mother couldn’t?’
Ice pierced through my chest.
“You… bastard…”
‘Quitting because you don’t have it in you to continue. Because you feel the situation is hopeless. Because you feel you can’t change anything. Does any of this ring a bell?’
“This is different. She wasn’t thrown into a different world as a worm! She didn’t die time and time again! No, it was just one stupid man and she chose to quit rather than fight back –”
‘And what difference did her reasons make, to the people she left behind?’
I snorted. “And who exactly is going to miss Janus the Demiurge when he’s gone? Erzili? Zlosta?”
‘If that is what you truly believe, and you feel you don’t have it in you to continue… then give me the wheels.’
“What?”
‘Give me the wheels,’ Sunny repeated. ‘Sit back in comfort, and let me, the true part of you, be the one to handle the big bad world of Alamir.’
I pursed my lips. “Why does it sound like I’m signing my soul over to the devil or joining the dark side?”
‘Does it matter?’ Sunny said. ‘The fact remains that no sane human person can survive Alamir. Not with our world’s morality and ethics holding us back. But if you don’t care anymore, and if you can’t do it anymore – what does any of it matter? Even if you have to sell your soul to the devil, what does it matter?’
Something felt… wrong. “Are you… really… me?”
‘I am. But, in a way, I am not. I am your Nightmare-half. The instincts you suppress. The desires you push back. The nature and predisposition of nightmare tempered by human intellect. Whereas you, are the nature and predisposition of a human constantly tempted by nightmare instincts. We are two halves of the same coin. But that coin is weighted, and one side will always turn up more than the other.’
“I…”
I clutched at my stomach a second time from the overwhelming hunger, gritting my teeth when I felt it. Smelt it. The rich, wafting, unmistakable aroma of flesh and blood –
‘You’re not a bad person, Janus.’ Sunny said. ‘But you can’t deny your instincts. We aren’t human, anymore. No matter what memories we had in a past life, no matter what we feel and think – nothing we do can make us human anymore. And insisting that you are what you aren’t – it’ll never end well.’
“ATTENTION ALL AAA UNITS! THIS IS PROMINENT MACEY! WE HAVE REPORTS OF A BREACH WITHIN SECTOR ONE-ZERO-ONE! I REPEAT! WE HAVE REPORTS OF A BREACH WITHIN SECTOR ONE-ZERO-ONE! POTENTIAL PLANEWALKER! ALL UNITS ARE TO BE ON THE LOOKOUT! I REPEAT –”
Prominent? Sector One-Zero-One?
‘There is no time left. If you’ve made up your mind, then give me the wheel. Let the other side of you surface – and I’ll get us everything we’ve always wanted. Happiness, comfort, wealth, family – everything, no matter the cost.’
I took a breath, closing my eyes.
‘You are a Nightmare of Alamir, Janus. It is time to act like it.’
“…alright.”
‘Alright?’
I opened my eyes.
“Take the wheel.”
A dark, malevolent laugh reached out from my mind, accompanying three dark words.
“As you command.”
Chapter 19: Recruitment
“Ahh, it feels good to stretch like this. Now… let’s find out where we are…?”
I examined the area. A garden. Cute. Sakura-trees were growing within the garden. Cuter. There was a pond, large koi fish, circling each other back and forth. The grass was carpet-tripped and excellently well maintained. I took two sniffs in the air.
Clean. Cleaner than natural air. Lingering scents. Human. Female. Young. Oh, a virgin?
I laughed my stomach growled heavily. I patted my belly, giving it a small rub. “Greedy little thing aren’t you. We’ll eat in a moment, first, let’s get a lay of the land and see where Erzili’s command sent us.”
I sniffed the air a second time. My nostrils picked up the scent before my ears heard the voices. Human. Two. Male. Non-virgins. Healthy. One has high potassium deficiency. The other is anemic. My mouth watered and I had to wipe away the drool as I thought about best to season the meals that were coming in my direction.
Although…
“World Map.”
Error!
Scrying and Mapping functionalities are being obstructed by jammers.
You cannot use the [World Map] Feature at this location.
Jammers? Ah, that confirms it.
“Hurry, let’s check this area –”
I sighed. I couldn’t eat them yet. If I was where I believed I was,
