“I think I want to,” she admitted. He deserved the truth even if it was hard to say. “I really do. Just maybe we can...”
“We can take it as slow as you want.”
She let out a long breath. “Thank you.”
“Nothing to thank me for.”
“Well, I got you all... and now...”
He shook his head, wincing slightly as he sat up. “Just give me a minute. I’ll be fine.”
She waited, watching him out of the corner of her eye as he closed his eyes and breathed for a minute or two. She didn’t know what he was thinking about, but it evidently worked to break his arousal. Soon he’d relax. He moved easily as he stretched out onto his back and pulled her down to tuck in the crook of his arm.
“I’m sorry,” she said again.
“I already told you not to be.” He brushed a kiss into her hair. “Can’t remember anything I enjoyed more than making out with you tonight. I got no complaints in the world.”
Three
FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS, Madeline existed in a constant flurry of excitement and confusion. She felt a little like she had back in middle school when she’d gotten her first big crush on a boy in her class.
It was silly to feel that way. All Ken was offering was some hot sex with no strings. It would be fun, but it wasn’t anything resembling love.
But still...
She’d lived a long time without anything new or exciting or good as far as relationships went, so she couldn’t help but be fluttery about the possibility of a hot secret affair.
She wasn’t swept away enough to jump right into it. She wasn’t that kind of person. She always thought things through—usually over and over again. So she wasn’t going to leap into something so out of the blue until she was sure it was a good decision for her. And also a good decision for Ken.
But he hadn’t been harboring secret hopes or feelings. He’d been relaxed and casual and good-natured about everything, including her ending their make-out session prematurely. If they both went into this, knowing exactly what to expect and were honest with each other, she couldn’t imagine it would be a problem.
She could have a hot rebound fling if she wanted.
Why on earth shouldn’t she, if Ken wanted that too?
On Saturday morning, she was supposed to take the day off, but she had a message for a custom arrangement to compose. The little poems usually came to her quickly. It wasn’t like they needed to be brilliant. They just needed to be clever and evoke real emotion, and she happened to have a knack for it. But for some reason the poem she’d been trying to write yesterday was giving her trouble. It wasn’t because the scenario didn’t emotionally resonate with her. It did. It was a husband who wanted a special arrangement and message for his wife on their fiftieth anniversary. She’d seen marriages like that. Her own parents had been married for thirty-one years. They’d moved to Florida last year after her father had taken early retirement, so she didn’t see them as much as she used to, but she was close to them. She knew what it took to make a marriage last for decades. She hadn’t experienced it, but she’d seen it. And if she could feel it, she could write it.
But she was blocked for some reason. She worked on it for two hours in the morning, drinking coffee and sitting on her couch in her pajamas, but finally she gave up with only three-fourths of it done.
Sometimes a change of scenery helped in inspiration, so she took a shower, dressed, and headed to the flower shop to see what Ria and Skye were up to.
Skye wasn’t there, but Ria was working in the back room. When Madeline came in, she caught her friend smiling and humming to herself.
“Thinking about Jacob this morning, I guess,” she said with a teasing lilt in her voice.
Ria grinned sheepishly after an initial jerk of surprise. “Why would you think that?”
“Because you had a decidedly sappy look on your face. That was definitely a Jacob look.”
“I’m sorry. Am I annoying about it? I try not to be. I know how it feels to be bombarded by other people’s romantic highs all the time.”
Madeline laughed as she propped herself on a stool in the corner of the room. “You’re not annoying at all, Ria. Seriously. I’m glad you’re happy. You deserve it. So what did Jacob do now?”
“Nothing really. He was just extra sweet this morning.”
From the particular resonance of the words, Madeline figured Jacob must have been extra sweet in the bedroom. While Madeline wasn’t ready to jump into another relationship right now, she wouldn’t mind some bedroom satisfaction herself.
Immediately she pictured Ken and what she and he might do under the covers. It got her hot and flushed, so she tried to push the visuals out of her mind.
She didn’t say any of that, of course. She just said, “I’m glad he really appreciates you and shows you he does. I never really got much of that from Josh.”
“I know you didn’t,” Ria said, her face sobering. “I sometimes wanted to ask you about it, but you always seemed fine about the relationship, so I figured you were happier than I could see.”
“I wasn’t. I just didn’t... I don’t know. I feel so stupid about it now. I guess I just assumed that was the best I could get, even though I should have known better.”
“It wasn’t anywhere close to the best you can get. A man who really loves you is going to make you feel loved and appreciated. And if he doesn’t, you’re better off without any man at all.”
“I know. I’m actually a lot happier now—like I’ve shed a huge burden. I want to just enjoy the freedom. To tell you the truth, I might not want to do the girlfriend thing again.”
“At all?”
“I don’t
