“How long do you think you’ll need the safety net?”
“I don’t know.”
He turned slightly so he could stroke her cheek gently with his fingers. The touch was featherlight. Delicious. “Every time I see you, you seem more tired.”
“Really? Is it that obvious?”
“To most people? Probably not. I’ve just noticed.”
Her heart gave a funny little jump at the words, although they were spoken in such a casual tone that it was hard to take them too seriously. He probably hadn’t taken special notice of her. He was just an observant man.
“I thought maybe it was because of the breakup, but now I’m wondering if you’re really just tired.”
“I am tired. The breakup upset me, but not... not...” She flicked him a quick look before she continued, “Not as much as I would have expected.”
“That’s good then.”
“Is it? To tell you the truth, it makes me feel kind of guilty. Nine years of a relationship and I’m mostly just relieved that it’s over.”
“There’s nothing to feel guilty about. You did everything you could to make the relationship work. Even I could see how much you gave—and as far as I could tell, you didn’t get all that much back. Most people would have given up on it long before you did.” He shook his head and looked away, making it seem like the last words were spoken to himself. “I never did understand why the fool didn’t marry you. I mean, what the hell was he waiting for?”
A little laugh spilled out unexpectedly at his dry tone. She wasn’t sure why, but his words and disbelieving tone were making her feel better than anything had in a long time. “I never understood it either, but now I’m glad it didn’t happen. It was hard enough to end a long-term relationship. If it was a marriage, it would have been even messier. In the end, I’m glad I wasn’t... tied to him in that way.”
“Yeah. But still... I could never understand what his problem was. Sometimes I wondered if you were the one who wasn’t sure you wanted it. That made more sense to me.”
“Why?” She frowned, glancing over at him again. She’d been mostly staring up at the sky since it seemed safer somehow. Less intimate than holding his gaze. “Did you think I’m not into marriage or something?”
“No. Not at all. I mean, it’s fine if you aren’t, but that’s not what I mean. I just mean that it made more sense if you were the one who wasn’t sure about him. I couldn’t imagine why in the world the man wouldn’t be absolutely sure of you.”
She caught the nuance of the dry comment, and her chest clenched in response. It could pretty easily go to a girl’s head. A man making it seem like he couldn’t see any way that another man wouldn’t want her. “Well, he wasn’t,” she managed to say in a tone as light and easy as his. “He promised we’d get married eventually, but he kept saying the timing wasn’t right. God, I was stupid. I know perfectly well that a guy who keeps stalling like that means he’s not all in. I mean, it’s a surefire red flag. But I kept making excuses and convincing myself there were reasons. It makes me cringe to think about it.”
“You shouldn’t. You didn’t do anything wrong except give him the benefit of the doubt when he didn’t deserve it.”
“Maybe. But if I’d been smarter, I would have realized five years ago that he was taking the relationship because it was easy, but he only wanted it on his terms. Now I wonder if he was just waiting to see if something better dropped in his lap.”
“He’s an idiot. You shouldn’t feel stupid. He should.”
“I guess. Either way, I’m glad to be rid of him.” She smiled at Ken, feeling like a weight was off her chest. “What about you?”
“What about me?”
“I was thinking about your marriage. Was it really messy? It always seems like you and Katie still get along pretty well.”
“We do. I guess our divorce was as simple as divorces ever get. Neither one of us cheated on the other. We got married really young—we were both just eighteen—and a few years ago we realized the spark had gone out of marriage. I mean, we were okay. We had our jobs and we raised our daughters and we had friends and family around. But we were just going through the motions. We didn’t have fun together. Our sex life had kind of petered out too.” He paused. “Sorry, was that TMI?”
“No,” she said with a laugh, although she was blushing. “It’s fine. Go on. So you just decided to end it?”
“No. We had a shared life at that point, so we tried to save the marriage. We made a big point of doing things together. Talking. Going on dates. Anything we could think of. It just didn’t work. One evening, we were sitting across the table from each other at this fancy waterfront restaurant in Norfolk, and it kind of came to us. There was nothing left to revive. So we could keep throwing ourselves against a brick wall, or we could end it before we started to hurt each other. So the next day we talked to lawyers and filed for divorce. I won’t say there weren’t any sharp words or hurt feelings in the process. Ending a marriage is always going to be hard.
