“Pining.” Katie nodded toward where Madeline was still talking to their daughters. “You were pining.”
“I wasn’t—” He broke off the lie when she gave him an impatient look. With a flare of fear, he looked around as if he might be able to tell who else had seen what he’d just unconsciously revealed. “Is it that obvious?”
“No. Not at all. In fact, I wouldn’t have been able to tell unless I’d already had a clue.” At Ken’s unspoken question, she added, “Mrs. McCracken mentioned you’ve had a nightly visitor for a while now.”
“Shit,” he muttered, hating that he was flushing but unable to stop himself. “Does everyone know now?”
“I don’t think so. She likes you, and I guess she knows you want to keep it secret. She told me she didn’t want to gossip, but you know her. She couldn’t help herself from telling someone. And I was the someone. I don’t think she’s going to spread it around.”
“Good.” He let out a breath, his crisis instinct relaxing slightly. “We’re not telling people. It’s not... serious.”
He hated the sound of the words. Hated that he needed to say them.
Hated that they were true.
“It sure looks like it’s serious to you. I’ve never seen you looking so totally whipped as you were looking just now.” Katie’s tone was light. Almost teasing.
“I wasn’t supposed to be looking like that,” he admitted. “And I hope to God no one else noticed.”
“Then you better get better control over yourself because you’re looking like she’s the only sun in your sky.”
He bit back a groan. What the hell was he supposed to do here? He felt hopelessly and endless trapped.
“Why not make it serious?” Katie asked in a more sober tone. “I mean, it’s obviously what you want, so why not make it serious?”
“It’s not what she wants.”
“You know that for sure?”
He nodded, unable to look his ex-wife in the eye as he made the admission.
“Well, that sucks. But listen to me for a minute, Ken.”
He turned to face her, having no idea what she was about to say.
“Look, I know it’s not my business, and it’s probably kind of weird for me to give you advice like this. But I was married to you for a long time. And you spent a lot of that time trying to do what you thought I wanted instead of being honest about what you wanted. And that wasn’t good for us. It didn’t make you happy, and it didn’t make me happy either. It’s not an equal relationship if you’re always trying to hold things together you think are about to break. If you’re trying to control everything instead of having faith in the other person. You need to trust that the relationship is strong enough to hold up to who you really are and what you really want. And if it’s not, then it’s not the right relationship for you.”
Ken was shaken. He couldn’t speak immediately. His throat burned, and he couldn’t take a full breath. It wasn’t from instinctive defensiveness, although he did feel a little bit of that. Mostly, it was because he knew Katie was right.
He’d known it all along and been too afraid to admit it.
Because the moment he admitted who he really was and what he really wanted, he would lose what he had with Madeline.
But it wasn’t fair to either of them to go along with something he didn’t really want just because he was afraid of what would happen when he revealed the truth.
He deserved the kind of relationship he wanted—a real one, one that could last—even if it meant he could never have it with Madeline.
It was a hard truth to process. It took time. Katie waited, scanning his face and at one point reaching out to squeeze his arm in support.
“I know it’s not my business,” she said at last, when he was capable of taking a real breath.
“No, no, it’s fine. I... appreciate you saying that.”
She leaned over to press a chaste kiss on his cheek. “You deserve every good thing, Ken. You’re the strongest, most generous man I’ve ever known. And I know you’re strong enough to ask for everything, if that’s what you want. If she has any sense at all, she’ll want everything from you too.”
She didn’t wait around for him to answer. He wouldn’t have been able to say anything anyway. She walked off to rejoin the man she’d been dating for a few months now.
And Ken was left alone against the wall, looking at the woman he loved, laughing with his daughters.
Katie was right. He had to say something. He had to ask for what he wanted.
Even if it meant he’d lose everything.
THAT EVENING, MADELINE showed up at Ken’s house at just after ten in the evening, feeling more fluttery than ever and also very nervous. She didn’t even know why.
She’d talked to Heather and Jessie for about a half hour. They seemed to like her and both had a lot to say. Then she’d returned to her friends and hung out with them for the rest of the time. Ken stopped by their table once and chatted for a few minutes. He’d looked at her a lot but had mostly talked to Jacob.
And that was fine. That was how she wanted it.
Things didn’t feel quite right between them anymore, and she knew enough to realize the weird feelings were signs that something was wrong. Something couldn’t continue the way it had been up until this point.
But the thing she wanted to happen was also the thing that terrified her, and that couldn’t be right either.
She had no idea what she should do.
Ken was waiting for her when she got there. It smelled like he’d taken another shower. He looked clean and handsome and sexy as hell in the clothes he’d been wearing earlier—tan pants and a plaid button-up shirt, now only halfway tucked in.
She greeted a slobbery, affectionate Marlowe and then blinked in surprise when she saw that
