Across from them stood Ken, the county sheriff, standing next to his two daughters and his ex-wife. As she was looking in their direction, Ken’s gaze met and held hers. He’d been the one to show up on her doorstep a few years ago to let her know that her parents had died in the car accident. He’d been so careful and gentle as he’d broken the news. His voice had cracked with emotion more than once.
Ken gave her a slight nod now. The simple gesture seemed to reflect sympathy, kindness, understanding.
Connection.
Ria smiled at him and turned to check Jacob’s face, but he was staring straight ahead, seeing nothing.
She knew that everyone around them now assumed she and Jacob were a done deal. That they were together for real. That soon she’d be getting a ring. They’d get married. They’d start a family. A few of the laundromat ladies were smiling at her with maternal pride, as if she’d finally gotten what she’d been waiting for.
The idea made Ria’s stomach twist.
She loved Jacob. Of course she did. He was one of the emotional pillars of her life. But she’d never made a conscious decision about her relationship with him. They’d just sort of fallen together.
And the fear that one day when life got too hard or hurt too much, he’d just take off again—run away like he had before—was still a sharp blade in her chest.
It could happen like it had happened before. What if it did? Where would that leave her?
No matter how confused and pressing those questions were, she didn’t have the mental space to deal with them right now. The homily was over, and they were singing “Amazing Grace.”
When the final prayer was spoken, Jacob turned and pulled her into his arms. He hugged her for a long time in silence. She could feel his affection, his gratitude, his faith in her. She could feel it in the tension of his body and the press of his strong arms.
It meant something to her. It meant a lot.
He loved her.
But he’d loved her back in high school, and he’d left her just the same.
THAT EVENING, RIA CAME home at just after eight. Both she and Jacob had had long days—long weeks—and neither of them were in the mood for sex. Jacob had told her she could stay and sleep with him for the night—and she could see on his face that he would have liked that—but she was feeling too confused, too crowded. Rushed into a relationship she hadn’t actually said yes to. She needed a little space for herself, so she’d kissed him and told him she’d see him tomorrow.
She was exhausted and a little sick to her stomach as she walked in through the kitchen door, tossed her purse on the table, and then slumped into the living room to collapse on her dad’s old recliner.
Belinda was on the couch, working on her laptop, but she put it down when she saw Ria. “You okay?”
“Yeah.”
“So you and Jacob are a definite thing now?” Belinda was always like that. Blunt. To the point. Not hedging around hard questions.
“I don’t know.”
“It sure seems like Jacob thinks so.”
“I know that.” When Ria’s voice rose and cracked, she cleared her voice and added, “I know.”
Belinda was eyeing her with dark eyes that missed very little. “He’s obviously gone on you.”
“I know that too.”
“Do you not feel the same way?”
“Yes, I feel the same way.” She was too tired. Too strained. A tear streamed down one cheek. “I love him. I always have. I just... It just happened so fast. I haven’t had the chance to figure out what I want.”
“Yeah. I think his grandfather dying maybe shoved the two of you together instead of it happening gradually. More naturally.”
Ria nodded, trying to control more tears.
“Talk to him, Ria.”
She jerked her head toward her sister. “What?”
“Talk to him. This isn’t some sort of brilliant, unique advice. It’s what everyone says. All the time. But the thing is, they keep saying it because it’s the only thing that works. Talk to him. Tell him you need to take it slower.”
“I want to. I... I want to.”
“But?”
“But I’m afraid it will hurt him.”
Belinda thought about that for a minute before she answered, “And you think if he gets hurt, he’s just going to leave.”
For a moment Ria’s whole body shook with suppressed sobs. “I don’t want him to leave. And I don’t want to hurt him.”
“Oh shit, Ria. I see what you mean. But if it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen. Even if you don’t hurt him now, you’ll do something to hurt him eventually. There’s no relationship without that. So if he’s going to take off, won’t it be better for it to happen now? Before you get any deeper? Maybe you should just yank off the Band-Aid and see what happens.” Belinda’s voice wasn’t gentle or sympathetic. It was blandly matter-of-fact. But that was just her sister’s way.
Ria knew the words were meant in kindness.
And it was true.
Not because she needed to test Jacob. She didn’t.
She simply needed to tell him the truth.
“Okay,” she said at last. “You’re right. I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”
“Call him up tonight.”
“No. I’d rather do it in person.”
“Yeah. I guess that makes sense.” Belinda picked up her laptop and pushed her glasses farther up her nose. “Not that I know a single thing about relationships.”
“You know as much as I do. So thanks.”
THE FOLLOWING MORNING, Jacob was checking out a loft space above one of the storefronts on Main Street.
It was a good space. Roomy and with big windows and a lot of interesting lines. Twenty years ago, his grandfather had converted it to an apartment, but it hadn’t been occupied in at least three.
But it had potential. Jacob could turn it into a nice place to live. He could do a lot of the work himself.
It might even be fun.
While he still felt
