Susannah stopped typing, looking up at Emer in surprise. ‘Oh, is that what Lynsey said you should do?’
‘I’m here to help,’ Emer said, feeling useless. She was used to the urgency of the hospital, but here in Susannah’s house she felt like she was moving in slow motion.
‘Well now,’ Susannah said, her tone a little kinder. ‘It’s a beautiful fall day. You should take yourself for a walk around town.’
‘Where would you recommend?’
‘Amherst Hill is just down the road. You can take the short trail past the stone quarries where we used to swim as kids in summer, and go up onto the granite slabs. There’s a great view from the top.’ Susannah took a sip of her black tea and curled her nose in distaste, clearly missing the milk. She put the cup down again. ‘On your way back, pick up some groceries. How’s that sound?’
‘What should I buy? Do you want to give me a list?’
‘I really don’t care,’ Susannah said, a distracted tone to her voice as she opened the drawer in her desk, and took out a bank card. Waved it at Emer. ‘Use this.’
Emer took the card, trying to take a peek over Susannah’s shoulder at the sheet in the typewriter, but the words were obscured by a big pile of books.
‘What are you writing?’ she asked her.
Susannah looked up at her, pushing her glasses down the end of her nose. ‘Private correspondence,’ she said, emphasising the word private.
Emer felt chastised. She had to remember her place was as a nurse, nothing more.
‘Can I get you anything before I leave? Are you in pain?’
‘Of course I’m in pain,’ Susannah snapped, ‘but the morphine messes with my head. I can’t think straight, so I’ll take the pain and clarity.’
‘Okay.’ Emer paused, remembering how hard Orla had resisted taking painkillers too. Though sometimes, Emer could see the defeat in her sister’s eyes as she’d ask for relief. It had broken Emer’s heart.
‘You take what you need, darling,’ she’d said to Orla.
‘It makes my dreams so crazy,’ Orla had whispered to her. ‘I don’t like it.’
But when she’d taken the morphine, the tension in Orla’s face would soften, and at least she would be able to sleep.
‘I’m here to help you in any way I can,’ Emer said, returning to the present, and the pained hunch of Susannah at her typewriter. ‘You need to take it easy.’
‘Seeing as I’ve been in this body for the past seventy-two years, I think I know what it needs better than anyone, don’t you?’
Emer backed away, out of the room. Lynsey had warned her Susannah might be difficult, but she hadn’t expected such open hostility. Susannah didn’t want her there, clearly. Her resentment was palpable. It occurred to Emer that she didn’t belong anywhere any more. Not back home in Ireland, nor in Boston now Ethan was gone to his family in New York. As for Lars, anything that might have happened there was ruined for good. This island and Susannah Olsen were all she had right now.
It was a dull morning on Vinalhaven, but against the backdrop of the grey skies, the fall foliage appeared even more intense. Emer was sure there were colours in those trees she’d never seen. Every possible nuance of red, orange, brown and green. She couldn’t stop herself from picking up fallen leaves, holding them in her palms, and studying each one for the secrets of their colours.
Emer remembered the night she’d arrived in Boston for the first time. She’d still been raw from her father getting together with one of their neighbours, Sharon Madigan. It had seemed outrageous to Emer at the time that her father would want another woman to move into the house. Especially since Emer had been convinced Sharon had had designs on their father even before their mother had passed away. A widow herself, she had called over nearly daily with a cooked dinner for their dad.
‘How can he be so naïve?’ Emer had given out to Orla. ‘He and Mam used to take the mickey out of Sharon Madigan looking like mutton dressed as lamb, and now he’s only moving in with her!’
Orla had talked her down. ‘He doesn’t do well on his own, you know it’s so, Emer.’
What her sister had said next made Emer shiver with the memory of it.
‘If anything ever happened to me, I’d want Ethan to find someone else.’
‘Stop,’ Emer had said. ‘You’d only be devastated, wouldn’t you, Ethan?’
‘No one could compete with you, babe,’ Ethan said to Orla. ‘Well, maybe Mila Kunis.’ He’d winked at Emer.
Orla had laughed as Ethan put his arm around her waist and kissed the top of her head. ‘I guess not even Mila can match you, honey.’
Ethan. The ghost brother-in-law. All joy had now been washed out of him by the loss of his young wife. Emer couldn’t face talking to him just yet, after the emotion of helping him pack up. She should have been on the phone every day. Checking he was doing okay. She justified her silence by the fact he was back home in New York, surrounded by his family. But still, she and Ethan had loved Orla the best. This united them.
As for her father, he and Sharon had flown back to Ireland the day after the funeral. To be fair to him, he’d tried to persuade Emer to come home with them, but the idea of returning to the place she and Orla had shared so many childhood memories horrified her.
‘We can set up your old room, nice and cosy for you,’ Sharon had tried.
‘Don’t bother,’ Emer had told her. ‘It’s not my home any more.’
She had seen the hurt in Sharon’s eyes, but what did she expect? How could she come close to replacing her mother and sister?
‘Ah, Emer, now, don’t be like that,’ her dad had said, giving her big hug. ‘There’s always a place for you at our table.’
She choked back the tears. She knew they meant well, but she
