Emer didn’t know how to respond to that. ‘Maybe it upsets her too much?’ she ventured gently.
Susannah harrumphed. ‘I don’t think those girls remember their own mom. No matter how much I told them about her.’
‘Were you older or younger than Kate?’ Emer asked Susannah.
‘I was the eldest,’ Susannah said. ‘I should have gone first.’
‘Me, too,’ Emer said, offering Susannah her hand. ‘I’m the eldest of two girls, too.’
‘Ah, at last… Something we have in common,’ Susannah said, gruffly, but undeniably interested at last, letting Emer lead her away from the grave across the muddy grass. Emer was horrified by how cold Susannah’s hand was. Wet and clammy, shaking, too. She put her arm around her and helped her as they stumbled in the rain back across the cemetery.
Back home, Emer helped Susannah undress as quickly as she could. There was no time for propriety. Susannah’s teeth were chattering non-stop and her eyes had a feverish glare already. The worst thing would be if she got an infection when her immune system was so compromised. Having been so defiant, Susannah now succumbed to Emer’s care. The trip to the cemetery seemed to have completely spent all her energy. Emer rubbed her down with a towel, and helped her into a clean nightdress before getting her into bed. She took her temperature and, as she suspected, the older woman now had a fever.
‘What were you thinking, going out in that rain?’ she admonished her gently.
‘I wanted to talk to Kate,’ Susannah said in a frail voice. ‘You’ve a sister, you understand.’
‘Yes, I know,’ Emer said in a quiet voice.
She couldn’t say it out loud yet. That she used to have a sister.
‘What’s her name?’ Susannah asked her.
‘Orla,’ Emer said, her voice hoarse with emotion.
‘Pretty name,’ Susannah whispered, closing her eyes.
11
Susannah
October 1958
The ferry left Vinalhaven just as the sun was rising, with a pale distant orb of moon still in the sky. The first few rays of warmth and light washed over Susannah as she stood on the small deck area, and tried to see past the bridge of the boat to the terminal. Kate was still waiting for her departure, hugging her sides in the early morning chill. Susannah waved and Kate waved back again as the ferry left the harbour, pushing out into still waters. It was the calm before the storm. A nor’easter was predicted, coming from Canada and due to hit the island in the evening. Susannah felt a twinge of worry about her mom and Kate, but they’d lived through enough nor’easters just the three of them. The wailing of the wind around their house always made Susannah feel something bad was coming. One year the neighbours’ chicken house had been thrown by the wind into their garden. She and Kate had found the chickens hiding under their porch. They hadn’t laid eggs for weeks after that.
Susannah watched Kate walk right to the edge of the harbour, take her red scarf from her neck and wave it like a banner. She unwound her own blue scarf and did the same thing. Tears pricked her eyes. It hurt so much to leave Kate. She felt like she was abandoning her and yet she couldn’t stay. Kate often talked about how she imagined their island was part of a magical kingdom apart from all the rest of the world. She believed time was different on Vinalhaven with all the seasons at different paces. The slow measured breath of snowfall, the heat and race of summer, long endless days of steady rain, and the sudden fury of a storm. Nature was their queen and they were all subject to her whim. There was an island part of Susannah. She could never deny it. A deep wish to hide away in their house. A whole life could be spent in such a way. Look at her mom. Afraid even to take the boat to Rockland for the day. But Susannah pushed against this desire to retreat, because even more powerful was her need to be a part of a bigger picture, to learn and to connect. She’d always known she was different and if she didn’t leave now, she might never understand why.
It had taken her weeks to build up the courage to tell her mother. After the thrilling day when the letter of acceptance had arrived at the library and she and Mrs Matlock had actually hugged, Susannah had put off telling her mother.
‘You really need to speak to her,’ Mrs Matlock encouraged Susannah every time she called into the library. ‘I’m sure she’ll be proud of you, Susannah. I mean, you got a full scholarship too!’ Mrs Matlock beamed.
‘I couldn’t have done it without your tutoring,’ Susannah said.
Mrs Matlock’s wide smile took years off her face. In those bright blue eyes, Susannah saw the young idealistic student who had also gone to Harvard so many years before her.
‘It was my pleasure, Susannah,’ Mrs Matlock said. ‘Just promise you’ll write to me.’
Susannah had immediately confided in Kate too, and the two sisters had danced around their bedroom. Her sister’s advice had been different from Mrs Matlock’s.
‘Tell her closer to the time,’ she’d said. ‘Then it’ll all be organised and she can’t stop you.’
Finally, just two weeks before the academic year was due to begin, Susannah could postpone telling her mother no longer. She waited until they were eating Sunday dinner, right after church when she was hoping her mother was feeling the most generous in spirit.
‘Mom, I’ve got something important to show you,’ Susannah said, her voice shaking with nerves as she handed her mother the letter from Harvard.
‘What’s this?’ said her mother, putting down her knife and fork.
Kate gave Susannah an encouraging smile while their mother read the letter.
‘How long have you known about this?’ her mother said, placing the letter down on the table, and giving Susannah a hard stare.
‘I only just
