‘My god, you’re stunning,’ he gasped as she took off her jacket. ‘Where did you get the dress?’
Emer didn’t have time to answer as he began kissing her again, while helping her unbutton Kate’s organza gown.
Their synergy was effortless as they came together. How could she stop herself from succumbing to what felt most natural, most right? Lars unlocked her body, which had felt so cold and unloved, encased within her tomb of grief. Both of them naked, they made love on top of the bed in the inn, not even bothering to get under the covers. As Lars kissed her lips, her throat, her breasts and belly, each part of her awakened, and gave back. It had never been like this with anyone else in her life. She had wondered after their first time if she had imagined how connected she and Lars had been physically, but now she knew it was as if her body had been made for his. The sensations were beyond anything physical: it was her mind which was opening with pure rapture. He brought her to the edge, and for the few minutes they were united, guilt, responsibility, everything was abandoned to bathe in pure, erotic love.
It was only afterwards as she lay in Lars’ arms, snug under the covers now, that Emer remembered Henry. She slipped out of bed and rummaged around for her purse. Found her phone. Henry had sent one text.
I guess you’re not coming. Shame.
She felt a little irritated by it. How did he know something hadn’t happened with Susannah? But then she had stood the poor man up. Her feelings for Lars had made her selfish yet again.
As she watched the love of her life sleeping, it all came back to her. How her need for Lars had taken precedence over Orla’s need for her. In the end, she’d let everyone down. Even Lars, by bringing him into the whole mess.
She began to get dressed.
‘Where are you going?’ Lars asked her as he woke up, stretching his arms above his head.
‘I have to get back to Susannah.’
‘Is that the name of the lady you’re looking after?’ Lars asked her, leaning up on one elbow. God, he looked so gorgeous, it was all she could do not to get back into bed with him.
‘Yes, I can’t risk falling asleep here; she might need help overnight.’ She put on her jacket, zipped it up.
‘Emer, what are you doing here?’ Lars said, sitting up completely. ‘This is crazy. Come back with me tomorrow. We’ll find a replacement nurse for Susannah.’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t go back to Boston, Lars.’
Lars climbed out of bed, wrapped the sheet around his waist. ‘Then we’ll go somewhere else,’ he said, holding her shoulders and looking into her eyes. ‘Anywhere, as long as we’re together.’
‘We don’t deserve to be together,’ she said in a small voice.
Lars gave her a long, considered look.
‘Do you think Orla would want you to be unhappy, Emer?’
‘Stop,’ she said, pressing her fingers to her forehead as if she had a pain in her head.
‘You need to let it go. It’s not your fault.’
She pulled away from him. If she was too near to him, she’d want to make love, and then they would be back to the beginning of the end all over again.
‘I’m existing, Lars, but it feels as if I’m not alive. From the moment my phone rang in your place that morning, what we had was destroyed.’
‘You’ve got to stop thinking like that, Emer. It’s not true.’
He came over, squatted down next to her chair. The scent of him consumed her and it was all she could do not to disintegrate into his embrace again. ‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered, ‘but you need to leave the island. It’s over.’ She looked away, unable to bear the desperate look in his eyes.
‘Emer, don’t do this. We belong together,’ he said, reaching out to touch her.
She stood up abruptly, brushing his hand away with her body. ‘I don’t know if that’s true any more,’ she said, her voice shaking with emotion.
Grabbing her purse, she legged it out of the room before he could say something else. This was how it felt to have your heart broken. As she ran down the stairs of the inn and out of the door, up the road towards Susannah’s, she was in agony.
Even so, she would choose to have her heart broken again and again, if she were allowed just five more minutes with Orla.
21
Susannah
February 15th, 1960
Harvard, Cambridge
Dearest Katie,
I have big news! It’s why you haven’t heard from me in over a month. Ava and I are renting our own apartment! It all happened pretty suddenly. Professor Whittard and his family are moving to Florida because he’s been asked to work with NASA, the National American Space Agency. Have you heard all about that? We’re racing against Russia to get the first man on the moon, and my Professor Whittard is part of it all! Imagine, maybe in the future we’ll be able to take holidays to the moon – although by all accounts it’s a dark, cold place with lots of rocks and craters. The Whittards told me I was welcome to go with them to Florida, but of course I’m still at Harvard so couldn’t accept. I was devastated at first. Having to start all over, looking for a new family to lodge with – but then Ava suggested we get a place together. Said there was a job going in the coffee house where she works in the evenings, so I could pay for my share of the rent.
Before I knew it we were going to look at places, and everything lined up so perfectly because we found the
