‘Are there no letters after Kate got married?’ Emer asked Susannah.
The older woman shook her head. ‘No, she got too busy with being a wife,’ she said crisply and looked away, clearly not wanting to talk any further.
At ten o’clock, as was usual most days, Rebecca called on the phone. Afterwards, Susannah was excited.
‘She’s coming home,’ she told Emer, her eyes shining with delight. ‘I’ll see my girl again!’
Emer couldn’t help feeling sorry for Lynsey, whom Susannah had never referred to as ‘her girl’. She knew exactly how it felt to be the least popular one.
‘I’ll get up now,’ Susannah said, with new gusto. The call with Rebecca had clearly given her fresh energy.
Emer had just settled Susannah downstairs in the front room by the woodstove when she heard a knock on the door.
‘Well, I don’t know who that could be,’ Susannah said, a puzzled look on her face.
‘I’ll go see,’ Emer said.
She already had a suspicion, which was confirmed when she opened the door. Lars was standing on the threshold. Her heart skipped a beat to see him again. It was all she could do not to fall into his arms.
‘I found you, again,’ he said, looking at her with serious eyes. ‘Can I come in?’
‘Who is it?’ Susannah called from the front room.
‘I’m at work,’ Emer whispered to Lars. ‘How did you find me?’
‘Well, that was easy,’ he said. ‘I just asked in the local store and they told me who the new Irish nurse was working for and where she lived.’
‘Please, Lars, I don’t know what to say any more.’
‘Emer, I can’t just leave, not after last night,’ Lars said desperately. ‘We need to talk.’
She bit her lip, sensing a lump in her throat. ‘Please, Lars, please don’t push me.’
‘Well, now. Who are you?’ Susannah stood behind her in the hall. Emer felt herself freeze. She couldn’t send Lars away now.
‘It’s a friend of mine. From Boston. Lars.’
Susannah looked at her and then at Lars. ‘Well invite him in, won’t you?’
‘Pleased to meet you, ma’am,’ Lars said to Susannah, as she waved him into the kitchen.
‘It’s nice to have visitors,’ she said, sitting heavily at the kitchen table. ‘Lars is your name, did you say? Norwegian?’
‘Yes, my mother’s from Norway.’
‘Always wanted to go there,’ Susannah said.
‘Well to be honest, this island looks just like the island my mother is from in Western Norway. Really, I could be back home.’
‘You don’t say?’ Susannah said.
What was happening? Lars was charming Susannah just as he had charmed Orla, and Emer’s stepmother, and everyone he ever met in her life. Emer put on the coffee, still not sure what to say.
‘Well now, Emer never told me you were visiting, else I’d have got her to get some cookies from the store.’
‘Lars can’t stay,’ Emer said quickly. ‘He’s taking the next ferry.’
‘Is that so?’ Susannah said, looking surprised. ‘But he only just arrived!’
‘I came yesterday,’ Lars explained. ‘I just wanted to see if Emer was okay.’
Susannah cocked her head on one side.
‘It’s been tough for her, since her sister Orla died,’ Lars continued.
Susannah jerked in her seat, and Emer could feel her eyes on her. Blazing into her. No one spoke for a moment. The silence in the room was heavy and weighted with questions.
‘Well, I guess I’ll let you young folk chat then,’ Susannah said, standing up.
‘Can I help you?’ Emer said, but Susannah batted her away.
‘I’m quite able to walk myself,’ she said, and Emer detected a sting in her voice. She was hurt. Of course. Emer had lied to her about Orla.
As soon as Susannah was gone, Lars leaned across the kitchen table and grabbed both Emer’s hands in his. ‘Please, Em, please promise me you’ll come back to me.’
‘I can’t leave Susannah; you’ve seen how sick she is.’
‘It’s not good for you to be here. She needs someone who can take care of her with none of your history. It’s bad for you, and probably not so good for her, either.’
‘That’s not true,’ Emer argued. ‘I let down Orla, but I’m not going to let Susannah down. I’m staying.’ She couldn’t explain it to Lars, but she also felt she needed to work out what had happened to Kate.
They stared at each other across the table. Emer absorbed every tiny detail of his face. Although she would never forget him, because he was always with her in her dreams at night.
‘You know that’s bullshit, Emer. You’re scared, I get it. But not everyone has what we have. Why would you let it all go?’
He didn’t understand, and Emer sensed that no matter how many times she tried to explain it to him, he never would.
‘I have to get back to Boston, the hospital,’ he said, making for the door. ‘But I’m here for you, Emer. All you have to do is call me.’
After he had left, she let herself cry. She imagined him waiting for her on the ferry until the last minute before it departed. The disappointment when she didn’t come running down the hill with her bag, hair flying, her heart open and ready to receive his love. She couldn’t do it.
Everyone leaves.
Orla had said it to her once, after their mam had died. You love with all your heart, and then they leave you. Mammy, Orla. Emer couldn’t fall into her love for Lars because if he left her too, forever, it would destroy her, and she’d never get back up. At least now, she was clinging on by a thread. Susannah, an old dying lady, was her lifeline.
The thought of Susannah
