Susannah met her sister’s eyes in the mirror. Could she tell her the truth?
‘I’m not sure I want to have children, Katie,’ she’d said.
‘What? You’re only thinking that because you haven’t met the right boy,’ Kate retorted. ‘Believe me, as soon as you do, you’ll want a baby all right.’
Early the next morning, Susannah watched Ava sleep. She was all she ever wanted. But how could she ever explain that to Kate?
Susannah closed her eyes and summoned their apartment off Harvard Square. All the books piled everywhere: towers of words, thoughts, knowledge. The big green chair in the window, where she’d curl up for hours, notebook balanced on her lap, flicking through her books and taking notes. She could see the sanctity of her desk now. The little black typewriter, her piles of paper, and the blue glass paperweight on top of them.
There was Ava back home. Sitting in her nook, black stocking feet on Susannah’s lap, balancing a cup of coffee on her knees as she gazed out of the window. They were listening to Billie Holiday. Her powerful lyrics binding them in complicity. Over the next couple of days, they had to keep their secret safe. Susannah couldn’t wait to be back at Harvard, and themselves again.
But today was Kate’s wedding day. Her little sister was getting married, and it was her duty to make the day as special and as wonderful for Kate as she could. Susannah pulled the covers off the bed, and opened the curtains. She stared out of the window. The view looked across their garden to the harbour. The bay was rough, waves cresting white and choppy, with clouds racing above. It looked like it was going to rain. Maybe if there was a storm so fierce nobody could leave their houses, the wedding would not go ahead today? Susannah felt a surge of hope, and then immediately guilty. She needed to stop thinking her sister’s wedding was an event to dread. She had to be happy for her. This had always been Kate’s dream. She’d been so excited in all her last letters, going on and on about all the plans.
I can’t wait to be his wife, she’d written to Susannah. It’s all I’ve ever wanted, to have my own family. Lots of babies, Susie! You’re going to be the best aunty in the world!
Ava stirred in the bed and opened her eyes, stretching and yawning.
‘Good morning, darling,’ Susannah whispered.
‘Good morning, my sweet.’ Ava smiled back.
Susannah felt better instantly. She was here with Ava, her love. This was all Kate had ever dreamed of, to be in love and to be loved. How could Susannah stop her from trying to have that? Maybe marriage would be the making of Matthew, and he would prove deserving of her sister’s adoration.
The rain stayed off, and the wind dropped. It was a picture-perfect wedding day. Kate looked like a princess in her long white dress, edged with lace she’d made herself. Not a soul could help but admire how pretty she looked, glowing with pride and joy as she showed off her gold wedding band. It was a small wedding, just the two families, and some fishermen friends of Matthew. Silas watched on, bottle of beer in hand, while poor Rachel stood behind him, heavily pregnant and looking miserable as a small child tugged on the hem of her old dress. She’d put on so much weight, Susannah hardly recognised the popular and glamorous Rachel from the night of her summer dance less than three years ago. Susannah looked away, terrified she’d just seen a vision of her own sister’s future.
Kate was dancing with her handsome groom, her long tresses golden beneath her veil. Sweet and wholesome. Susannah longed to take Ava’s hand and dance with her love, but could only imagine the reaction they’d get from the wedding guests if they did so. Already, they’d been getting looks from Mr Young. Susannah was in a dress, sure, but her mother had complained it was too short and the black stockings were indecent. Her hair was short too – gamine, Susannah had told Kate – and she’d outlined her eyes in thick black kohl. Ava looked slightly more conservative with her long hair, but her dress was as short as Susannah’s. It was more than her clothes, though, which made the islanders stare at Ava, and that made Susannah mad. She was tempted to give Ava a smacking kiss on the lips. Why not give the Youngs something to really talk about?
Ava passed Susannah a lit cigarette. She took a drag and fixed her gaze on Matthew, Kate’s new husband. They’d barely exchanged words all day long. Almost as if he was avoiding her. When she’d introduced him to Ava, he had flat out stared at her, not even offering a hand or word in greeting. Susannah had been mortified, and shocked that Kate hadn’t noticed his blatant hostility. Now her new brother-in-law had a high colour in his cheeks from all the drink. He was swinging Kate around and around. It was his wedding day after all, of course he was a bit merry. But something in the way he held on to her sister made Susannah uneasy. Let her go now, she wanted to shout out. Can’t you see it’s too fast? Can’t you see the worry in her eyes? But Matthew kept on spinning Kate, and the fiddler was going faster, and everyone was up laughing and jigging, even her mother with their father’s old friend, Danny.
Matthew was almost dragging Kate now, and her sister was stumbling over the hem of her wedding dress. Ava put her hand on Susannah’s arm. She’d noticed too, and knowing Susannah so well, she was trying to warn her. But when Kate almost went down on her knees as Matthew tugged at her roughly, Susannah joined the throng, instinctively protective. Taking a hold of Matthew’s arm, she pulled him
