As Kate’s coffin was lowered into the ground, the rain lashed into them and their neighbours cowered in the downpour. The deluge mirrored Susannah’s sorrow, extreme and intense, biting her with icy cold down to the bone.
That night, Susannah and Ava’s love-making was the most intense surrender Susannah had ever experienced. Without words, Ava took her loss into her own heart, and held her. Susannah sobbed in her arms, wishing she could tell Ava the truth. But she knew she never could.
The next morning, after breakfast with her nieces, Susannah announced to the girls they were going on an exciting journey with Aunty Susie and Aunty Ava to the great New York City.
Rebecca didn’t understand what was going on, but Lynsey frowned.
‘We can’t leave Mom,’ she said, a fierce expression on her face.
‘We’ll come back and visit her once a year,’ Susannah lied. She had no intention of ever returning to Vinalhaven.
‘But what about Granny?’
‘She’s coming with us,’ Susannah reassured her niece.
Her mom turned from the sink, her arms covered to the elbows in suds. ‘We’re not going anywhere, Susie,’ she said, her mouth set in a grim, determined line.
‘I told you, Mom,’ Susannah said patiently. ‘It’s for the best for the girls. You don’t want this hanging over them for the rest of their lives.’
‘We belong here.’
Her mom looked quite lucid. But last night, after the funeral, she had agreed wholeheartedly they should pack up home and go to New York. It would be a squeeze in the little apartment in Brooklyn, Ava had said, but cosy, and they’d find something bigger soon. Ava’s job was going well. It would only be a matter of time before she was promoted, and Susannah had her lectureship in Columbia starting when she got back.
‘I’m staying here. With Katie,’ her mom said, adamant.
‘But you said it was a good idea last night,’ Susannah told her as Ava locked eyes with her in alarm. They needed Susannah’s mom to come with them to mind the girls while they were both at work. Besides, no matter how mad Susannah was with her mom, she really didn’t want to leave her alone to deal with the Youngs.
‘We’re island women,’ her mom said. ‘You, me, Katie, Lynsey and Rebecca. But she don’t belong here.’ She pointed at Ava. ‘Get her to go!’
‘Mom, stop it, you’re not making sense,’ Susannah said, getting up from the table. But her mom pushed past her.
‘I ain’t going nowhere. You hear me?’
Lynsey started to cry.
‘It’s okay, honey,’ Ava consoled her. ‘Let’s go out. You can sit behind the steering wheel of my car.’
Ava picked up Rebecca and took the two girls outside. Susannah went after her mom. She found her in Kate and Matthew’s old bedroom. She and Ava had stripped the bed of all its sheets, and packed everything they could away. But the room was still full of Kate. Her jewellery box, open on the chest of drawers. A small jar of dead flowers she’d clearly put in the window.
‘Mom, please, you’ve got to come with us. It’s the best thing for the girls.’ Susannah approached her mother. ‘Don’t you see, we need to take Lynsey and Rebecca away from here? It’s not good for them.’
The older woman turned with her back to the window, crossed her hands and looked at Susannah coldly.
‘We’re staying,’ she said firmly. ‘Otherwise I’ll tell the cops what really happened to my son-in-law.’
‘Why would you do that, Mom?’ Susannah gasped, horrified.
‘I will!’ she threatened, looking wild-eyed. ‘I’ll tell them the truth. How we dragged his body out like he was an animal. And you threw him in the sea like trash.’
‘He was trash, Mom!’ Susannah found her voice rising.
‘It was a sin,’ her mom said. ‘We’ve got to spend the rest of our lives asking forgiveness for it. That’s why you’ve got to stay with me, Susannah.’
The walls of her sister’s old room closed in. Panic swelled up inside her. Her mom was giving her an impossible choice. In fact, it was no choice. She was trapping her on this island, for the rest of her mother’s life. And no matter how much she loved Ava, Susannah knew she couldn’t let her stay too. She would have to let her go. This was the price she’d have to pay to protect her family.
39
Emer
31st October 2011
She stumbled along the trail. All she wanted to do was get away from Henry. Why had he been so duplicitous? Not told her who he really was?
She followed the track as fast as she could, not sure what she would do once she reached the parking lot. It didn’t look the same as the trail they’d taken up the mountain. As she rounded a corner, she saw the sea, and that part of the trail was submerged by seawater. She’d clearly gone the wrong way. She turned around and headed back the way she’d come, trying to remain calm. Shadow came bounding towards her, and next thing she knew, Henry had rounded the corner.
‘Thank god,’ he said, all concern. ‘I saw you’d gone the wrong way. At high tide that trail is dangerous.’
‘I just want to go home,’ she said, close to tears.
‘I’m sorry, Emer,’ he said, all his anger gone now. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you. That’s the last thing I wanted to do.’
‘None of this has anything to do with me,’ Emer pointed out. ‘It’s a tragic story from the past.’
‘But don’t you see?’
