“I’m really sorry, baby.”
“What? Why? It’s not your fault. This is the life we lead. Mrs. Visser deserves to have her killer caught.” Guilt all around. Guilt for Lou, guilt for wanting to be selfish, guilt because sometimes it was so bloody hard to do the right thing when it planted itself firmly in my way.
“But,” I added, “we have to try to at least have an hour with her for present-opening tonight.”
“Yes.”
“Hallo, Dean.” At the moment, Cherry entered the kitchen in a fluffy white bathrobe, her hair tied up in a towel.
“Hallo.”
“How was your bath?” I asked.
All of her makeup was gone. “Wonderful, thank you.”
“Sophie has some more clothes for you. Come on, let’s go have a rummage.”
She offered Dean a tired smile, then left the room with me following behind her.
Cherry had taken some nightwear, downed some headache pills, and curled up in mine and Dean’s bed.
Lars had taken Mr. Visser down to the station, ready for us to question.
Mr. Visser had confirmed what we already knew—the body was that of his poor wife.
I’d canceled everyone, and now Lou was sobbing in Dean’s lap, me trying to comfort her with pathetic words that did nothing. She had to cry this one out.
Sophie had retreated to the kitchen while we tried to console our daughter.
Hearing her sobs was the worst pain. She was four. She wanted her daddy and papa to stay home.
“Fuck,” I whispered.
Her head immediately shot round, her red-raw eyes glaring at me. “I heard that, Daddy. That’s a full swear.”
Whoops.
“Yeah, Daddy,” Dean agreed. “That’s some terrible language you just used.”
All I could offer was a weak smile. “Naughty me.”
“Come on,” Dean said, “pay up.”
I got up and went over to my piggy bank—an actual pink pig, with a mustache and a monocle. I called him Giles.
“Here.” I showed them the Euro and then popped it into the black swear box decorated with silver stars—made in collaboration between daughter and boyfriend.
Boyfriend. Maybe it was time to call him husband, or even fiancé for starters. Would he go for slipping a ring on his finger? We’d never talked about it. Ever. I was too much of a coward to bring it up. The fact I’d been married before wasn’t holding me back. That had been then in all its messy complicatedness. This was different. Being his husband would be right, uncomplicated, perfect.
My nerves always got the better of me.
Lou sniffed. Seemed the tears had stopped, and I tentatively went back over to my spot on the sofa.
“Daddy and Papa need to fight the bad guys,” she said.
“That’s right, sweetie,” I said.
“Superheroes.”
“Nah,” I protested. “We just like helping people.”
She wiped at her eyes. I took a tissue from the coffee table and dabbed at her cheeks.
“Tonight?” she asked.
“Hopefully, sweetie.” I couldn’t make that promise to her. “We’ll see.”
“You not allowed your presents ‘til I am,” she said.
“No, he isn’t,” Dean agreed.
“Why do you two always pick on me?”
“Gots to keep you in line,” Lou said.
“Is that so?”
“Yes, Daddy.” She giggled.
“You’re as cheeky as your papa.”
She reached out her arms and shuffled to me. I took her in my arms.
“Ik hou zoveel van je.”
“Love you more,” she responded.
Man, this was so hard. “We have to go now, sweetie. You’ll be a good girl for Sophie, yeah?”
She nodded.
I kissed the top of her head. “Okay.” I had to get out before I outdid her in the sobbing stakes. My eyes were already wet, threatening to let tears roll.
I headed for the kitchen, drawing a shuddery breath.
“Are you all right?” Sophie asked.
Leaning on the doorframe, I battled for some bleedin’ composure. “No.”
Sophie, in her pale-yellow dress with a golden ribbon in her hair, placed a hand on my shoulder. “Would you like some tea before you go?”
“As much as I’d love that, it’d make the situation worse.”
She nodded. “Everything will be fine. We’ll have a lovely afternoon.”
I wanted to have a lovely afternoon. “Thanks, Soph.”
“Of course. Luuk will be over shortly with some new games he bought. He’s been looking forward to trying them out.”
Luuk was the exception to the rule of no one else in the house. Plus, he would use the backway that no one else could, completely avoiding the front door and the risk of Tessa fighting her way inside. The wards wouldn’t let her, but that didn’t stop me from worrying about it.
“You’ll have a lot of fun,” I said. “Maybe we can squeeze a game in later?”
“That would be nice.”
Dean came out of the living room. “Okay. You ready?”
“Tot ziens!” Lou called her goodbye.
“Doei, sweetie!” I responded.
“We’ll call you with updates,” Dean said to Sophie as she headed for the living room.
“Vaarwel,” she said. “Good luck.” When she disappeared through the doorway, she transformed into full nanny mode, Lou laughing as the fun began.
I wanted to run in there.
Dean took me by the hand. “Ready?”
“No.”
But I let him lead me out of the front door regardless.
Thirteen
Dean
Leaving Louise behind really hurt. Every time we had to do it didn’t lessen its sting.
Jake pulled his motorbike up beside mine at the police station, his golden spear strapped to his back, glinting in the sunlight. I wouldn’t mess with him with the way he looked now.
Without a word, he followed me inside.
A policeman at the reception desk, behind glass, looked up from his paperwork. “Oh, it’s you,” he said frostily. When he spotted Jake, his indifference became something warmer. “Hallo, Jake.”
I’d never liked the way Liam looked at Jake. If he ever made a move, he’d lose a finger.
“Hi, Liam,” Jake replied quietly, not even looking at the guy.
“Go through. Lars is waiting for you.”
I leaned in closer to the glass, giving him a sharp look.
Liam smirked and looked away, pushing the button that opened the gated doorway to the interview rooms.
Lars was waiting outside the second room down the gray and blue corridor, looking so worn out.
He said hi to Jake, who nodded his hello.
“How’s it going?” I asked.
“He’s
