The reality of being with a McDade meant secrets. It was the only way he knew how to be. It wasn’t his fault… But there she was making excuses for him again. Shyla had to start looking out for herself and stop making excuses for others.
Maybe she could live in a relationship where she didn’t know everything. Where she had to trust her partner while always knowing their relationship wasn’t equal.
Beeks’ certainty that she would be killed by her potential in-laws wasn’t something to be ignored either. Lies and secrets were one thing. Murder was another. Could she trust Score would step up and protect her from his father and brothers? Shyla didn’t even have to think about that one for long. He’d already told her that he’d answer the call if Burl requested his return to the family base.
The years, the betrayal, it meant nothing. It diminished none of Score’s loyalty. In his own way, he’d told her that. On more than one occasion, he’d asserted that he was a McDade. Being a McDade was a prominent part of his identity. Maybe he just didn’t know who he was without that part of himself in place.
She and Beeks had been sitting in silence for at least a minute. Shyla would’ve stayed that way, lost in her own head, except he spoke up.
“You’re a good person,” Beeks said. “Kind and generous. I think you’re a wonderful human being. I thought you would be good for him. It’s my fault that I wasn’t more vigilant. I should’ve said something at my first inkling you were attracted to him.”
Which would’ve been the minute she first laid eyes on him.
“It wouldn’t have stopped me,” she said, staring at her empty glass. “I need another drink.”
“That wouldn’t be smart.” He was probably right, it didn’t take much to push her over the edge. “I am sorry, Shyla.”
“It wasn’t just a one off,” she said. “He didn’t take advantage of me in a vulnerable moment. You can think he’s some kind of evil playboy if you want, but it really wasn’t like that.”
“Score isn’t a playboy, I know that. But he is more worldly and should’ve known better than to get involved—”
“With a child?” she asked, tipping her chin his way. “That was harsh. I might be sheltered and inexperienced when it comes to men, but I am a woman. All grown up.”
Seemed silly to be so dogged about ownership of her decisions when she’d made so many wrong ones. Her first real relationship had lasted all of a day. She had a lot to learn. Being a fool had been easy. In her naivety, she’d believed her and Score were just beginning their life together, when in truth, they were already over. All those lessons others learned in their teens and early twenties would’ve flagged the relationship as temporary. Shyla had missed out on those lessons at the time, but was in the midst of a crash course.
“You are. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean physically. It’s just that you—”
“I know what’s wrong with me,” she snapped, not in the mood to have her faults listed.
Beeks put a hand on her arm. “I am sorry, Shyla. This isn’t about you. It isn’t about what’s wrong with you. McDades are dangerous—”
“So people keep telling me,” she said, twisting her stool to sit up straighter, removing her arm from Beeks’ patronizing consolation. “I understand I’d be easy to kill. I don’t know how to protect myself or even what to look for in an assassin. What I don’t understand is why they’d hate me so much I’d drive them to murder. I don’t think Burl has killed every girlfriend his boys ever had. Far as I know, he didn’t order Siobhan dead and she caused Score’s incarceration.”
Even though it had been orchestrated by Biz, Shyla doubted Burl would care about that. If he wasn’t going to punish one son, he could vent some of his frustrations on the woman who’d been instrumental in taking another away.
Beeks paused. His expression grew more serious as he licked his lips. “You are not in danger because of anything you have done.”
That didn’t clear anything up. “But I am in danger.” He didn’t confirm or deny that, but he didn’t need to. He’d been explicit upstairs. “Why? What don’t I understand?”
“Being involved with a McDade puts you in danger.”
Hearing that was almost tiresome. On a loose nod, she raised her shoulders. “Yes, okay, I get that. Score told me that his enemies could hurt me. He knew that, he admitted that. That doesn’t explain why Burl is a danger to me. What is it? Just because I’m not good enough to be a McDade?”
“It’s more complicated than that.”
“You know, the easiest way to stop thinking of me as some blind child is to stop treating me like one.”
“I know,” he said, talking over her last loud word. “You think it’s simple, but it isn’t. Score doesn’t want you to know everything.”
“How do you know that? How would you know that? You asked if I knew something. Why was that the first place you went?”
If Beeks hadn’t known about their relationship, his first reactions were the most honest. Something had come into his head before anything else. She didn’t know what it was, but whatever it was, Beeks’ initial thoughts took him straight there.
“I can’t tell you,” he said. Once again, she tried to turn
