Suave burst out laughing. “You’re sorry for good old Pastor Ralph? He was a pig!” Suave spat angrily. “He lived like one, and I killed him like one.” Suave’s eyes widened when those words came out of his mouth.
Annette gasped but quickly regained her composure. “You killed your uncle? Why?”
Suave paused, wondering if he had said too much. No one knew that he was the one who had killed Pastor Ralph, and within minutes he was confessing to this shrink. It was because her soothing voice sounded so much like his mother’s. Come to think of it, she even resembled Gloria. Was that why he was so open? Was he about to face two murder charges?
“It’s okay, Suave. That’s why you’re here,” Annette assured him. “Was your uncle hurting you?”
Tears filled his eyes, and he quickly wiped them away with the back of his hand. “Hurting me? He was molesting me,” Suave yelled and jumped to his feet. He began pacing the floor, walking from one end of the office to the other as he spoke. “Night after night, that vulture would . . . would...” Suave’s legs suddenly felt too weak to hold up his body, and he fell to his knees and bawled. His shoulders shook as the grown man was reduced to a child by the secret and the pain he had kept locked inside him all these years. Despite all the wealth Suave had accumulated over the years by building his drug empire, it still wasn’t enough to eradicate the sexual abuse he suffered as a child.
As a mother, Annette’s heart was breaking, but right now, she had to be professional. Please, help me, Lord. Annette prayed silently. I know you didn’t send Suave here for me to fail him. Please help me so that I can help him.
“Talk to me, Suave. What did that pig do to you?” Annette prompted, getting in agreement with Suave so he would know she was on his side.
“He would pull down my pants... and... and... put his mouth on me.” Suave curled himself into a ball on the floor as if he were protecting his private parts. “Then he’d beat me when I resisted.” His loud crying filled the room. “I tried to stop him, but he was too strong.”
Annette replied above the sobbing. “He was a grown man, and you were a child.”
Whether or not Suave wanted to believe it, he was no longer in control of the situation. It was time for him to heal. “He told me that if I told anyone, they would say we were gay and kill us both.” Snot ran down his face as he poured everything out. “I begged God for help, but He never came. He let that nasty piece of trash suck on me night after night.”
Help me, Lord. “I’m so sorry, Suave.” Annette now understood Suave’s resentment of God and pastors. Alwayne had told her about the incident in church the night before. “What made you finally decide to stop Pastor Ralph’s abuse?”
Suave didn’t respond. He cried for a few more minutes, and Annette allowed him the space. Soon, the crying faded, and Suave pulled himself up into a sitting position on the carpeted floor. He fished his handkerchief out of his jeans pocket, blew his nose, and wiped his face. Surprisingly, he didn’t feel ashamed for displaying so much emotion.
“Suave? Why did you kill the pig?”
Suave turned red eyes to Annette. “He told me he was about to turn me into a man,” he replied. “Said I was ready and slapped me on my behind. I knew he was going to rape me next time.”
Annette felt sick to her stomach. She got up and walked over to a small table in the corner of the room. On it was a pitcher of ice water and two glasses. She filled both glasses with water and took one over to Suave.
“Here.” She handed him his glass, where he sat on the floor.
Suave gratefully took the glass, turned it to his head, and greedily drank.
Annette waited for him to continue as she sipped her water. “So, you felt you had to kill him?” Annette finally asked when Suave remained silent.
“I couldn’t tell anyone what was happening. They would say I was a punk and probably kill me. Mason and his men always talked about killing gays.” Suave leaned back on his elbows and gazed at the ceiling. “I couldn’t let him rape me either. Then the answer came to me, and I knew what I had to do.” Suave told Annette about the pig he saw being slaughtered. “I knew it was a sign. Pastor Ralph was a pig too, so I decided to do him the same.”
“You carefully planned it out?”
Suave smiled nastily and related everything he did in preparation for Pastor Ralph’s death. “‘Take it like a man’ he always told me when he was molesting me. And you know what? I told him the same thing after I cut his throat, and he was dying. Then he was gone, and I was free.”
“Are you really free, Suave?” Annette leaned forward, her eyes locked on his face. “Are you free from Pastor Ralph?”
Suave looked away from her. How could he tell her about the nightmares that sometimes seemed like they were strangling him to death? Would she understand his will to survive Pastor Ralph by torturing another homosexual man for so many years? Would she think he was sick... or even worse, that he was gay?
“I won’t judge you, Suave. I want you to talk to me so I can help you to help yourself.”
“I’m feeling tired,” Suave said, shutting down. He staggered a little when he rose to his feet. “I think we should call it a wrap.”
Annette didn’t push. In fact, she was amazed that they had made so much progress in their first session. God certainly had a part in this. “Okay. I just want to thank you
