Oh, I’m so glad you finally got to have your College Feeling. I’m actually a little choked up over the thought of you in a tutu (wouldn’t your kid self be proud?). It just made me really happy, in the same way your rainbow shoelaces make me happy. I love watching you try on this part of yourself. You don’t have to give up a single day of iced coffee, Simon, I promise.
Tell Kellan I say thank you for the recommendation! I can save it for when you’re here in December, if you want. I’m really glad to hear about him and Grover! I kind of suspected it when Kellan stayed in Grover’s room that whole weekend (also, you realize Kellan has a framed picture of Harvey Milk on his desk, right?). So maybe you have a touch of Marjorie in you, but don’t we all? I’m not exactly batting a thousand on this stuff either (see also: prom night).
Anyway, I love you. And I miss every edition of you. Text me when you’re up, okay?
Love,
Blue
FROM: ABBYSUSO710@GMAIL.COM
TO: LEAHONTHEOFFBEAT@GMAIL.COM
DATE: NOV 5 AT 10:18 AM
SUBJECT: HELLO, I’M A GENIUS
This just in: I, Abby Suso, have officially figured out the solution to boredom itself. Right now, I’m in Analytic Geometry and Calculus (it’s just as enthralling as it sounds), but the point is: I’m emailing you!! From Analytic Geometry and Calculus!! So, here’s the trick:
Open up a Word doc.
Title it “Anal GC” (god, I love abbreviations).
Minimize it into a horizontal bar with the title showing, loud and proud.
Open up a “compose email” window and slide that lil dude right under your Word doc.
And . . . voilà! MOVE OVER, ANAL CALCULUS. Welcome to Emailing Love Letters to My Girlfriend 101, where class is always in session. Let’s see, what’s on the syllabus for this morning? Shall we discuss the geometric properties of our dorm room? Leah, much in the spirit of CatDog, I’d like to note the vast and complex advantages to be derived from merging two separate entities into one (wow, I sound like a lawyer prowling for sex). Okay, what I’m trying to say is we’re long overdue for some strategic furniture rearrangement.
To be clear: I, Abby Nicole Suso, am officially proposing we push our beds together, and I will make my case below.
Picture this: We push my bed to your side of the room, instantly freeing up almost a full wall on my side (and then we cover it with those temporary, fake white brick panels for the ultimate Pottery Barn aesthetic!!!).
I am aware, of course, that having a single bed is a Statement. That said, us being literally incapable of being near each other without some form of physical contact is also a Statement. So maybe we just lean into the Statement?
WE END UP IN ONE BED 90 PERCENT OF THE TIME ANYWAY, LEAH BURKE, AND YOU KNOW IT.
I’m just saying, the analytic geometry of the situation looks pretty clear to me! (Speaking of geometry, my professor just caught my eye and gave me a satisfied nod—she is LOVING my diligent note-taking!!)
So I forgot to tell you, I talked to Simon yesterday when you were at the library! He’s doing better, I think? I’m sure he told you about his cute weirdo roommate coming out (actually, I don’t think Kellan was ever not out, but Simon is Simon is Simon). Anyway, our boy is clearly loving having a platonic gay guy BFF, and he would like us to know that Kellan has a healthy general interest in horror and paranormal phenomena, and is not, in fact, “into clowns.” And apparently Kellan and his boyfriend talked him into going on some Philadelphia ghost tour on his birthday weekend?? (Um, I’m not the only one who remembers him and Bram at Netherworld last year, right?)
Anyway, it’s nice to hear he’s finally hanging out more with Haverford people (oh, and I finally asked about the “customs group” thing—apparently it’s basically just his hallmates?). I don’t know, Leah, I’ve been so worried about him since fall break. Didn’t he just seem a little bit off when we saw him? I know the long-distance thing is hitting him really hard, and I think this is their longest stretch this semester without seeing each other. I wish I knew how Bram’s holding up. Did Garrett say anything when you talked to him? Can we just, like . . . text Bram and check in? Would that be weird?
God, I don’t even know how they do it. I can barely handle your bed being across the room.
Okay, class is ending in a second, so I’m rereading this really quickly before I send it, and hmmmmm I feel like it’s missing some critical love letter elements. Maybe more four-letter L words would help? Just a thought!!
xoxo,
Abby
FROM: LEAHONTHEOFFBEAT@GMAIL.COM
TO: ABBYSUSO710@GMAIL.COM
DATE: NOV 5 AT 2:11 PM
SUBJECT: RE: HELLO, I’M A GENIUS
Okay, Suso, I’m trying out your methods in Intro to English Lit (but if you think I’m not still titling my doc “Anal GC,” you don’t even know me). Anyway, so far, so good! Question, though: Are we trying to learn any of the actual course material here, or nah?
Well, Abigail, I’ve reviewed your proposal, and I have no objections (other than the fact that I’m clearly setting an unfortunate precedent of being easily persuaded by multipoint lists). (God, you’re going to ask me to marry you one day with a numbered fucking email list, aren’t you?) But even I have to admit that points two and three are very persuasive. Pottery Barn, though. You know you’re emailing me, right? Leah Burke? Not, like, Simon’s mom?
Moving on to your most important question: Are you the only one who remembers Simon and Bram at Netherworld? You mean the time they both got so scared they had to be escorted, crying, out the emergency exit? I bet Simon’s going to be a real treat
