Declan let out a snort. “Women are complicated, Finn. It’s not rocket science.”
“I’m not cut out for relationships. There! Are you happy now?”
“You love her, Finn. It’s written all over your face. You show it every time you glance in her direction. Ever since Maggie’s been back in Love I’ve seen a different side of you. One I thought was gone forever. You’re happier. Your soul is lighter. You laugh more. That’s because of her.” Tears pooled in Declan’s eyes. “I know how much it hurt you when Mom died. It was agonizing. You’ve always tried to hide your hurts, but I saw your pain. You haven’t been the same since then.”
“What do you want me to say, Declan?” He let out a groan. “Yes, I love her. But I’m not cut out—” Finn stopped midsentence and shook his head. The words were stuck in his throat. How could he explain himself without revealing the truth about the night their mother died? And if he did, Declan might hate him for the rest of his life. He couldn’t bear the thought of losing his brother. He’d already lost so many people in his life. Losing him would gut Finn.
“Don’t run away from what you’re feeling for Maggie. Stay. For once in your life stick around and face things.”
Finn shrugged. “Who says I’m running? Maybe I’m just walking away.”
“From the woman you love? Why would you do that?” Declan asked.
“Because I don’t deserve her or Oliver or a nice house with a white picket fence. I don’t want to hurt them.”
Declan winced. “Why would you say something like that? You deserve it all, Finn.”
“No, I don’t. Don’t you get it? It was all my fault. All of it. Every loss our family endured. It was all because of me. And I’m scared to death I’m going to do something to hurt Maggie and Oliver.”
“What are you talking about?” Declan asked, his voice sounding raw and wounded. Finn knew he was hurting Declan and it killed him.
Finn swiped away tears with the back of his hand. “I can’t do this. Please. Just leave it alone.”
“No way. You can’t say something like that and then backtrack.”
Finn heaved in a ragged breath. He’d avoided this conversation for two decades. Finn felt tired. He was so incredibly weary. For so long he had carried this heavy weight on his shoulders. He was close to the breaking point.
“It was me. All me. I put the bullets in the shotgun. When I was home alone I did some shooting practice in the backyard even though I knew we weren’t supposed to touch the shotgun without adult supervision. I replaced the gun right where I’d found it, but I didn’t empty the shells.” Finn couldn’t bear to look at his brother. He didn’t want to see the look of disgust on his face.
Declan let out a blast of air. “And you’ve been carrying this around on your shoulders for twenty years? Blaming yourself?”
“How could I not? I knew what I’d done, but I didn’t tell anyone. And Dad took the blame for it. He took off and stayed gone. He even served a prison sentence after running on the wrong side of the law. If you ask me, Gramps died from a broken heart. He couldn’t take all of those losses.”
Declan met his gaze head-on. “That’s nonsense. He died of emphysema. He’d been dealing with it for years.”
“The facts don’t lie. I was the one who put the bullets in the rifle. That afternoon I was home alone...ten years old and eager to try something I knew was forbidden. We were taught to always empty the shotgun. I didn’t do that.”
“And so what if you did? You were ten years old, Finn. A child! I was eight. It could easily have been me who played around with the shotgun.”
Finn shook his head. A part of him knew Declan was right, but another part of him still couldn’t let himself off the hook.
“But it wasn’t you who did it! It was me!” Finn exploded.
Declan shook his head. “Finn, you’ve got to find a way to put this to rest once and for all. You’re giving up your future! I’m not going to let you do this to yourself. Do you hear me? I won’t allow you to sabotage your happiness.”
Finn watched as Declan stormed away from him and out of his house. He loved his brother for trying to lift him up, but there was still so much resting on his heart. It felt as if someone had placed a heavy anchor on his chest. Try as he might, Finn still didn’t think he was worthy of being with a woman like Maggie.
Chapter Thirteen
A feeling of euphoria seized Maggie as she stood outside Keepsakes and looked up at the beautiful sign. A few days ago Finn had painted it a brilliant red against a backdrop of white. “I hope we’ve made you proud, Uncle Tobias,” Maggie murmured as she scanned the display windows. Everything looked so festive and beautiful.
After feeling down in the dumps for several days about Finn, Maggie had convinced herself to snap out of it. As Oliver’s mother, she couldn’t allow herself to feel disheartened for too long. And she certainly wasn’t going to allow Oliver to see her mope around like a wounded bird. She was going to keep her chin up and keep moving forward. If there was any awkwardness between her and Finn, Oliver would be the one to suffer for it. She was determined to treat Finn with nothing but kindness and friendship.
When she walked back inside the shop, Finn and Oliver were playing a game of checkers. She had to smile at the sight of them. They were strong competitors. Neither one wanted to lose the match to the other. Despite what had gone down between her and Finn, she didn’t want anything to change for Oliver. Finn was still a very good man.
