I hear a shuffle on the other side of the door, so I pause, listening for a sign that she is there. Then I feel it, that closeness, the completion I’ve felt every single time she’s near, even if I can’t see her.
“I know you’re confused, that you fear me, but I need you to know that never would I harm you. More than anything I need you to know that you can trust me. You are and always will be the purpose of my existence.” I grow silent, almost willing her to accept what I’ve said. I know I am taking a chance coming here, she could run and though I would find her I know that I may never truly reach her. I could be risking my future and the future of everyone that is looking to us to save them. But if telling her all the things I need to, if being here on her porch now triggers a downward spiral then it’s something I will have to live with. Because staying away from her any longer is impossible.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why spend so many years at a distance, letting me believe it was nothing more than wild dreams? Why?” I can hear the desperation in her voice.
I trace my finger over the space I imagine her head to be resting, taking a moment to weigh out the words that are swarming around in my mind. “Had I come to you ten years ago, or even five, would it truly have made a difference?” She doesn’t respond. “Would you have feared me less, or more?”
I wait, and the longer I am met with silence the more restless I become. Until, after what feels like forever, I heard the sound of the door unlocking. Leaning back I place one hand against the frame of the door and wait with anticipation as the door slowly creeps open. I want to move forward, I want to hold her close and get rid of this ache inside of me that has been there since the moment she ran from me three days ago. Only I hold back, knowing that I am on shaky ground and at this point, anything can happen. I want her trust, I need it.
“I don’t fear you,” Taryn’s voice is so soft and I was desperate for her answer, but now I’m somewhat relieved. “This all seems crazy. Like at any second I’m gonna wake up and I’ll be tucked in my bed in Chicago. It’s surreal, maybe not for you, but for me, it doesn’t seem possible.”
“I understand.”
“Do you?” the look of distress on her face is killing me.
“Yes,” I reply, but she doesn’t seem convinced. “Because to me, you are a dream, a fantasy that I’ve dreamt of for so many years and now you are here, standing before me. I’m terrified too, but for completely different reasons. I’m afraid that you can’t see me the way that I’ve always seen you.”
Her head tilts just a fraction as she looks up at me.
I've ,never needed something more than I need your acceptance. Because I will never force you to feel something you can’t. The life I live appears normal in the eyes of someone on the outside looking in, but to be a part of it, that's when it all changes.”
Taryn
I stare at him, not knowing what to say. How do you respond to something that is so heartfelt, so powerful? He’s being sincere, I know it and I can feel it. What should I do? Isn’t this why I came here, to find something bigger, more meaningful? Granted I never believed this is what I would find, not even for a second. Merick is asking me to take a leap of faith, but am I ready to do that? I don’t even truly understand what’s he’s asking of me.
Before I have the opportunity to change my mind I take a chance. “Come in,” I say quietly as I step back, allowing him to join me inside. His frame is so large that the opening in the doorway seems small in comparison.
Merick removes the black puffer jacket he is wearing and I didn’t think something so simple as the movements of a man could become so hypnotic. I recover quickly, reaching out to take it from him and resist the urge to bring it to my nose, inhaling the masculine scent coming from it. I drape it over the kitchen chair and turn back around to face him.
His dark hair is shaggy and unruly and it’s curling around his jaw. My fingers itch to run through it. I’m imagining the softness gliding against my palm. I shiver and hope immediately that the reaction has gone unnoticed by him.
His size should be intimidating, but there is this calmness in him, this soothing manner that I can’t help but feel too in his presence. Jesus, he’s big. I point to one of the chairs by the fireplace. “Have a seat. C-Can I get you something to drink?”
He smiles, causing the skin around his eyes to crinkle and his alluring brown irises to sparkle. “I’m good, thanks. Come sit, talk to me.” He taps the empty space near him, and I feel my earlier confidence dip.
Choosing to sit in the chair opposite him in order to maintain some much needed distance I see the disappointment in his eyes. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Do you have any questions for me?” His voice is measured yet rough and it causes goosebumps to pop up all over my body, as I do my best to ignore them. My eyes immediately go to his full lips and visions of me kissing them run through my mind. “You’re staring.” His words are laced with humor.
My cheeks heat up with embarrassment. Of course, he noticed me staring at him. I tuck a loose strand of my hair back from
