Carefully I climb the front steps and disarm the alarm before entering the front door. Once I find a pair of sweats in the laundry room I search her out, pausing in the entryway of the living room. Curled on her side, a large blanket wrapped around her body securely, is my sleeping beauty.
The large chaise that holds her is barely large enough to fit my body alone, so instead I slowly lift her and move her to the oversized couch. Crawling in behind her I hold her body to mine and simply breath her in.
As I start to fade I hear her softly whisper. “Are you ever going to talk to me?” The sadness I can hear lacing her voice adds to the ache I already feel knowing I worried her. “You’ve been so different since you arrived back home yesterday. So angry,” she turns her body and brings her front to my own.
Taryn’s eyes lock with mine and she lifts her hand to cup my cheek.
“I don’t know what’s happened, but I’m worried about you. You’re not the same man you were last week. You’re sad, aggressive, and it scares me.”
“I would never hurt you.” she couldn't possibly believe I would ever harm her.
“Physically I know this,” I sense a but coming. “But, you could destroy me emotionally.”
“Taryn,” I lean my forehead against hers and fight off the emotions that are beginning to cripple me.
“Please talk to me,” there is such a desperation in her voice. “You can tell me anything, but avoiding me, that is only tearing me apart.”
For a few silent minutes I hold her close and together we simply accept the other's touch. I can feel myself calming, feel that ache inside of me slowly begin to ease up. “I love you,” I confess, pressing a gentle kiss to her lips. “And I’m sorry I’ve scared you, but I promise that everything is going to be okay.”
She starts to argue, and I again kiss her.
“Right now I’m exhausted, and all I need is to hold you in my arms to feel safe. Just lay here with me and believe me when I say that I’m dealing with something, and soon I’ll share. But for now, I need sleep, and I need you to soothe me.”
My girl wants to demand more, I can see it in her eyes. I’ve learned her moods and looks, I can sense when she is argumentative, and right now she wants to insist I give her more than my pitiful explanation.
Taryn takes a few deep breaths, I nuzzle in a little closer and then she sighs. She’s given up, accepting what I am in desperate need of and has decided to give me exactly that.
Keeping my mind from thinking all the things I want to, for fear of her hearing my thoughts, I instead focus on the good. I envision my love holding our child, rocking her in her arms, pressing a kiss to her head. I picture the two of them snuggled up together in an oversized chair reading It’s all so beautiful and I find it easy to fall into a deep slumber holding the woman I adore in my arms.
Taryn
I pull Merick’s truck up in front of Amelia's clinic. I’m here for a checkup, but I don’t know how much bigger my belly could possibly get, I can no longer see my feet. I grab my purse and then climb out of the truck.
I can feel eyes on me and find Jonathon down the street with his phone to his ear. He gives me a chin lift and continues to watch me until I’m safely inside the building. “Amelia?” I call out.
She comes out, frowning for a second, but then hiding it by smiling. “Hey Taryn.” Amelia pulls me into a hug, “you look great. You’re all belly.” She places her hands on my stomach. “Just perfect.”
“Thanks. I feel like a whale.” My baby kicks my hand when I place it on my belly. “This little one loves to party the minute I lie down.”
“That’s completely normal.” She looks behind me. “Where’s Merick?”
My eyes begin to burn. “I-um...I told him not to come.”
“Oh okay. Let’s go.” She leads me into the exam room. “I want you to take off your bottoms, panties, and cover with the drape that is behind you. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
The moment Amelia steps out of the room the tears brimming in my eyes begin to slide down my cheeks. The morning Merick came home I thought maybe things would get better between us, but it hasn’t. We sleep together every night and he holds me tightly, but when I wake he is always already out of bed and in his office.
Everyone has been stopping by to check on us. I know what they see when they look at me. Dark circles marr the skin under my eyes, I’m pale, and my appetite has been non-existent lately. I eat for my baby and that’s it.
Merick’s been keeping his thoughts to himself, but every now and then I hear him think the name Abigail. I haven’t been able to summon the courage to ask him about it yet. I’m scared to death about what he’ll say.
Earlier when I was getting dressed, I found him watching me from the doorway. I turned away and pulled my shirt down over my belly that was expanding at a more rapid rate the past week.
When I turned back around, he was gone and I felt my heart shatter. Downstairs I found him standing by the door with his coat. I felt my anger build and I stopped right in front of him. “I’m going to my appointment alone. Can I take your truck?”
His face gave away nothing...as usual. “That’s not an option. It’s not safe.”
Instead of holding onto the sadness that’s invaded me I let my anger take over.
