8
Adri is pissed at us for stripping last night. I’m pissed at us for stripping last night and getting carried away afterward. Emmett hasn’t spoken one word to me and I want to curl up and die of embarrassment. I had his fucking cock in my mouth and if we weren’t interrupted I don’t know how far that would’ve actually gone. I can no longer deny that I am attracted to him. But… I am also in love with Adrianna Hilton and it’s been that way since elementary school. I just haven’t been able to tell her because if I do I will also have to admit to her that she just isn’t enough. I would never be content with just her.
I’m messed up and I’m completely fucking selfish. I just pray that one day I will figure out exactly what it is I can live with and just exist. That’s all I’m expecting for my life anyways, to just exist.
“I can’t believe you don’t see how bad this is.” Adri is still screeching as we stand in the middle of E’s kitchen. “Your father’s business partners could see this and pull contracts.”
“I don’t care about any of that shit.” I shrug my shoulders, “my father’s company can burn to the ground for all I care.”
“What?” She breathes, “Travis, this was your father’s legacy to you.” She shakes her head.
“What do you know about my father, Adri?” I take a step towards her, “you think he built that empire just for me? Maybe for my mother too? To sustain us in the future?”
“Well, yeah.” She looks at me with confusion.
“My father was fucking evil.” I grit out between my teeth, “he hated me and he hated my mother. That business was his escape from us.”
“No…” she shakes her head.
“Yes.” I ground out. “So, maybe I hope every investor he ever worked hard to get sees that shit and deems MY business not worthy any longer and just maybe that shit will self destruct. A final fuck you to the man who ruined my whole life.”
“Ruined… how?”
I shake my head and open the fridge to grab a Gatorade, I can never tell her everything that happened to me. She just wouldn’t get it and on top of that, I don’t know if she would even believe me. She saw my father the same way most of this town did. An upstanding citizen who gave plenty to charities and built wings on hospitals and schools. He had buildings made for the homeless and he loved to volunteer the whole family on thanksgiving at the local soup kitchen. Robert Greene gave a lot to Whitsborough but he was also ruthless and as much as the townsfolk loved his contributions, they also saw his lack of warmth and eyes full of cunning.
"I know he wasn't the nicest man," Adri stutters as I gulp down the Gatorade. "But I didn't know... I had no idea..."
"I know, Adri." I cut her off and put her out of her misery. "Just don't assume the same things that were important to him are important to me as well."
"Okay." She nods. "I actually wanted to talk to you."
Great, another Adri argument, "about?"
"Us." She raises her eyebrows. When I don't reply, she carries on. "I just don't know what's going on with us, earlier in the year, when we thought I was... you know," she waves her hand, "you were different. More attentive and it seemed you actually wanted to give this a shot, like be together. But after, you just froze up and since I wasn't carrying your child you just tossed me aside."
"I have never tossed you aside." I shake my head, "I just can't give you what you want, Adri. I'm not ready." I throw the empty Gatorade bottle into the recycling and turn to face her.
"You don't even know what I want." She stomps her foot.
"Oh yeah? Try me." I say as I take a step into her.
"Fuck!" She groans, slipping her fingers into the bun on top of her head, "I want us back to what we were before that fucking party in grade nine."
"You sure about that?" I ask, taking another step closer. Our chests are brushing with each breath.
"Yes," she breathes.
"Then we couldn't do this." I run my fingers along her cheek and lean in until our mouths are an inch apart. "We couldn't even think of this." I press my lips to hers and she gasps opening her mouth under mine. And just like every other time I've felt Adri's soft plump lips, it's just never enough. My tongue slides into her mouth and my hands grab her face to bring her closer. Her tongue tangles with mine as a longing groan escapes her.
I pull myself off her mouth and look her in the eye, "tell me that's what you want. Tell me you wish we had never done that and more."
"As good as that is, I'm losing you regardless." She drops her head to my chest, "at least back then you were mine."
I hear the sadness in her voice and it twists something inside me. I know I cause her pain by this limbo act I have us doing but I don't see how this will work with my current state of confusion and I just can't let her go.
"I have a lot going on, Adri. A lot of shit I need to work through. I'm not ready to plan the rest of my life, because that's what you are, the rest of my life."
Her eyes widen and I watch as a single tear rolls down her cheek, "I don't get it."
"You're mine, Adri." I press her hand against my chest, "this has always belonged to you. I just have a lot of shit to deal with before I take that leap."
She throws her arms around my neck and jumps up to wrap her legs around my waist. My hands automatically go to her ass and
