I smile back but don’t respond. That sounds nothing like the mother that Ember described to me and I can only imagine it’s because our dad changed her so much. Or fear changed her, I don’t know but it cuts something deep inside me and I am suddenly overwhelmed with grief. I wish I knew her, even the quieter version that Ember is always comparing me to. Maybe we are both like our mother and nothing like our abusive father. One can only hope and I can’t wait to tell Ember that just maybe she’s more like our mother than she thought.
Thankfully, Sharla doesn’t say much more and the funeral mass comes to a close.
3
My belly is super full and we are sitting in Coach’s big truck on our drive back to my house. He smokes a lot and I hate the smell of it but he opens the window and it’s not as bad. When my mother smokes in the car she never opens the window and it’s so hard to breathe.
“I am so proud of you, Sport.” Coach says. He has a weird scratchy voice and it’s probably from all the cigarettes he smokes.
“I can’t wait to tell Father.” I exclaim.
“You know what, Sport?”
“What?” I ask as he takes my hand and holds it in his lap.
“You are my favourite boy.” Then he presses my hand down onto a bulge on the front of his pants. "See? That means you will always be my favourite.”
“What is it?” I ask as I pat the bump.
Coach’s head tips back and he lets out a moan. I yank my hand back, afraid that I hurt him and I won’t be his favourite anymore.
“No, no,” he takes my hand again, “you didn’t hurt me. That just felt really nice. Just like those massages I do for your shoulders after a game.”
“Oh!” I nod. I can do that for Coach too. He always rubs my shoulders. So I begin to rub the bulge in his pants and I hope I am making him feel better.
“My favourite always, Travis.” He lifts his lap up to rub harder into my hand, “but you can’t tell your father or mother about this. They would take you from me, like Kai’s dad did to him.”
“I won’t tell them anything.” I shake my head, “I never want to leave the team.”
“Good boy.” He groans and forces my hand down on him harder.
He rubs against my hand quicker and in short jerks. My hand starts to feel funny from the roughness of his jeans rubbing against it but I don’t want to stop making Coach feel good because I want to stay his favourite forever.
“That’s it, that’s it.” He moans and then stops moving as the bulge in his pants keeps jerking.
“Do you feel better Coach?”
“Yes, Sport. I feel so much better.” I like that I did that for Coach. He deserves it for how hard he works to make sure we are a good team.
“Remember,” he pops the top of my nose with his finger that smells like smoke. “This has to be our secret, or you can’t be my favourite anymore.”
“Don’t worry,” I shake my head. “I won’t tell anyone.”
Coach starts the truck and he drives me back to my big house filled with silence and sadness. He pulls into my driveway and the gates are already open, Sonja is probably waiting for me to get home. Coach stops beside my front door and I see Sonja standing there waving.
“Remember, our secret.” Coach holds his finger to his mouth.
“Okay.” I nod and hold my finger to my mouth as well.
He smiles wide and pats the top of my head. It feels nice to have someone like me as much as Coach does. He’s my favourite, too. I get out of his big truck and run towards Sonja, I am so excited to tell everyone about my very first home run today.
“Hello, Mister Travis.” Sonja says as she wraps me up in a big hug, “how was your baseball game?”
“I hit my first home run, Sonja!”
“Oh my!” She exclaims, “that is wonderful! Come inside and let’s get you ready for bed.”
“But I need to tell Father!” I yell as I kick off my shoes and run for his office.
“Wait, Mister Travis!” Sonja calls after me but I’m too quick and there’s no way she can catch me. That’s why I got a home run today because I am a fast runner.
“Father!” I yell as I open his office door and run inside, “Father!”
I can see by his face that I made another big mistake. It looks like he is on a phone call and it’s probably important, like all of his calls. He comes around the desk really slowly and I’m so scared that I can’t make my feet move.
“Yes, we can complete that merger next week.” He says into the phone as he stands in front of me.
He pulls back his lips and grits his teeth at me as I watch him raise his hand and slap me hard across the face. I fall and hit my head on the carpet in his office and I can taste blood filling into my mouth.
I forgot one of his most important rules, do not enter his office when the door is shut.
4
I haven’t thought about how Coach started his grooming of me in a long time, if ever. I guess his funeral triggered something in my subconscious that’s causing me to dream about it. I toss and turn as I try to get my brain to shut off and fall back asleep but it’s fucking useless. I throw my covers off and bend down to grab my sweatpants off the floor, I might as well go downstairs and find something to eat.
I walk by Emmett’s room and pause, there’s no sound coming through so I guess he’s sleeping. I continue to go down the stairs and head towards
