‘Have you not been happy?’ I asked. I was surprised to hear this. Jo had always struck me as one of the most contented people I knew.
‘I’ve been too busy to notice if I was happy or not, and maybe there was a reason for that. As long as I didn’t have time to think, I wouldn’t have to acknowledge it.’
‘I can relate to that,’ I said.
Jo looked thoughtful. ‘I wasn’t happy with Doug.’
‘But I always thought you were solid,’ I said.
‘Maybe in the beginning, but he changed, grew grumpy, critical—’
‘Why didn’t you ever say?’ I asked, and glanced at Ally. She had clearly known.
‘A few reasons. I dunno … I felt I’d failed and I thought you would advise me to leave. Ally did. I thought about it, believe me, many times but … there was also a part of me that felt sorry for him. No one else would have put up with him. What my heart-attack experience made me realize was that I’d made myself too busy to notice how I really felt about anything. Now I want to slow down. Express myself more. Some of the peace I experienced up there, wherever I was, has stayed with me, like a stillness. I don’t want to lose it by resuming my old life of running around after people.’
‘You mean let go taking care of family?’ asked Ally.
‘That and other things. I’m not sure yet.’
‘What about people your own age?’ I asked. ‘You have lots of friends here, don’t you?’
‘I do. There’s a wonderful community here and I do have some really good friends but, if I’m honest, not exactly like we were back in the day.’ She looked at me. ‘I know we’ve had phases when we haven’t seen or even spoken to each other, but we always seem to pick up where we left off. No one knows me better than you two.’
‘Sara’s TV series idea is about friends,’ said Ally.
I nodded. ‘Looking for old friends and their importance.’
‘Nooooo. I get it. Is that why you wanted to see us?’ asked Jo.
‘Not just that, no, please don’t think that.’
‘You can’t possibly want us to take part,’ said Ally.
‘Maybe, in fact yes, if you were up for it, but only if you want to and it feels right.’
‘I’d need to know more about what’s involved,’ said Jo.
‘And it’s a “no” from me,’ said Ally.
‘Tell me more,’ said Jo.
I’d already filled Ally in on the idea for the programme, so I quickly outlined it for Jo to bring her up to speed. ‘You don’t have to decide immediately … in ten minutes will do.’ I laughed. ‘No, seriously, think about it. Take your time – but finding Mitch would be part of it too.’
‘That I would be interested to do,’ said Jo. ‘I’d love to see her again, not just to discover what she’s been up to all these years, but also because,’ she glanced at Ally, ‘I’d like to talk to her about her experiences with that group she joined. Remember them? The Rainbow People, or was it Rainbow Children? I dismissed it at the time but now I wonder if she was on to something and experienced the same inner peace that I did. I don’t care what you think.’ She folded her arms defiantly.
Ally reached out and put her hand over Jo’s. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to dismiss what you experienced. Floating about on the ceiling with an astral being sounds perfectly normal.’ Jo laughed. ‘And yes, I’d love to find out what happened to Mitch too. I’ve thought about her many times over the years and wondered what became of her.’
‘I did try to reach out to her once,’ said Jo. ‘I went to one of the Rainbow Children’s meetings in the early days in Brighton, then wrote to her afterwards asking why she felt she had to join the commune. Not everyone involved did. She didn’t reply and, as you know, she didn’t come to my wedding either, but like you, Ally, I was never sure if my letter got to her. I tried Friends Reunited years ago and I regularly trawl through Facebook. I reckon she’s not in the UK any more, and hasn’t been for a long time. Otherwise I think I’d have found some trace of her.’
‘Or …’ said Ally.
‘I know,’ I said. ‘Not here any more at all.’
‘You mean dead?’ Jo looked shocked.
‘We have to allow for the possibility of that,’ I said.
‘Someone we know would have heard, surely?’
Ally nodded. ‘I just think she’s abroad somewhere, especially as you’ve been all over the media, Sara. If she was in the UK, or her sister was, remember her? Fi? Well, they couldn’t have missed you.’
‘Unless she didn’t want to get in touch.’
Ally shook her head. ‘Why wouldn’t she? We were such good friends. I can’t imagine why she wouldn’t. Let’s think back. When did you last hear from her, Sara?’
‘About the same time as you both, when we were in our mid-twenties. She wanted me to go to the Rainbow Children meetings, but to me it sounded as if she’d got involved in some kind of cult. Not my thing at all. I don’t know why I didn’t do more about it at the time. I feel bad about it now. I spoke to her a few times on the phone and she sounded evangelical, not at all like the Mitch we knew. And didn’t she go to India at one point? A lot of people did around that time, the hippie trail, the search for God and all that. And I seem to remember she was briefly in Devon. I can’t believe no one has heard anything since.’
Jo shook her head. ‘It would make sense that she was in a different country. We could try her parents’ address; rule that out before we go any further. Has anyone still got it?’
Ally and I shook our heads. ‘But I remember exactly where it was in Manchester,’
