‘Things changed in Year Thirteen. Along came Jenni Barnes, we’re still mates now. You mentioned friends who hurt and heal. She healed because, up until then, I thought there was something wrong with me, that I was the problem because I was different, not invited to parties, not included in the gossip. She made me look at things differently. Jenni was different too: a chubster, so she didn’t fit the mould. I was a skinny round-shouldered thing, didn’t fit the teen dream either.’
‘So what happened? I mean, look at you now.’
‘Everything changed when I met Jenni. I had someone to talk to, someone to hang out with. Us against the world. We thought the same, read the same books, liked the same music; we were smart too, worked hard. But what changed was this. I’d gone into victim mode before Jen came along. Poor me, why me? Crap me. One day I realized I had a choice – sink or swim – and I thought fuck it, I’m gonna swim. I could have gone on forever feeling sorry for myself but yeah, fuck that. It’s all how you look at it. I could look back and think the worst but, actually, I choose to see that all that happened made me who I am; it made me strong, independent, self-sufficient. It’s choice, innit, not chance that determines what you make of your life, and I chose to move on, be myself, be proud of who I was. It’s not what life throws at you that makes you who you are, it’s how you react to those things. I started writing songs about everything I’d been through, not in a “poor me” kind of way, more in a “let’s celebrate me” kind of way. So I don’t fit the popular mould – that’s because there’s only one of weird-and-wonderful me, and that’s OK. I started playing locally and yeah, people liked it, it took off, got spotted by a producer and yeah, look at me now.’
‘Have some of the girls from your old school been in touch?’
‘You bet. They all want a bit of it, a bit of me now that I’m famous, but no way. Not no way in a nasty way. I choose love, but they’re not coming in my space.’
‘And friends now?’
Luca shrugged. ‘Some other musicians who get the life. Jenni still as well, though I haven’t seen her in person for a while now she’s living in Goa. Your programme researchers said they’d fly her over so we could do the big reunion; that will be cool, though we regularly FaceTime. And course there are the hangers-on. People just want to know me because I’m famous, but what’s that about? Sometimes it’s hard to know who to trust in this business. But there are other people I’ve met, successful in their own right. They’re not envious and they don’t measure what they’ve got with what I’ve got because they’ve got their own.’
‘Equals.’
‘Yeah. Equals. How about you? You’re successful. Sara Meyers. You got good friends?’
‘Ones I’ve been rediscovering. I get what you’re saying about the people who you’re unsure why they want to be friends with you. My real friends go back a long way, knew me before I was Sara Meyers, TV star, etc.’
Luca held up a fist, I did the same and we knocked knuckles. ‘Sweet,’ she said.
‘Sweet.’
I liked Luca a lot. A wise head on young shoulders. She was a great role model and her songs were inspirational.
‘So what advice would you give to anyone who has been hurt by friendships? Someone who, maybe like you were, is being bullied.’
‘Talk to someone about it. Being strong doesn’t mean not asking for help. You have the power to change things. Learn to love yourself, that’s a good starting point. Treat yourself the way you’d like others to treat you. Do not go into victim mode, it’s a waste of time and the only person who suffers is you. You have the power. Look at the support sites on line. Don’t engage with bullies, don’t try to win their approval, most of them are cowards anyway. Don’t stoop to their level. Be yourself and proud of it. It’s never too late to change and live the life you know you really want.’
‘And for making friends?’
‘Don’t hide away. Get out there, meet people, go to things. There’s always stuff happening somewhere. Find your tribe. Don’t focus on the negative, what you haven’t been invited to. Go to somewhere, something where everyone’s welcome and doing something you like – music, art, books, travel; whatever is your thing. And get a dog. I got my boy Baxter. Best friend a girl could have after Jenni.’
I laughed and told her about our programme featuring animals.
‘Wish I’d been there,’ she said. ‘I’d have brought Baxter.’
‘I’d love to meet him, and look forward to meeting Jenni too.’
I left the hotel an hour later, feeling inspired by Luca, plus she’d given me more good rules for my friendship list. She made me think. No doubt about it, I’d spent many years feeling sorry for myself about Charles and how my best friend Ruth had betrayed me. ‘Choice, innit,’ Luca had said. ‘Not what life throws at you but how you react.’ I nodded. I’d been so hurt by Charles and Ruth, two of the people closest to me, so I’d reacted by not letting anyone get near to me in case they did the same. Work had been my refuge. It was time to change that and embrace life outside a career again. Travels, fun, leisure time and, with Jo and Ally, I had just the people to do it with. If we could just find Mitch, our old gang would be complete.
*
Back at the office, I had a meeting with Gary and Lauren about what else to use in the programme. Luca had been so upbeat, I didn’t
