“Do not challenge those bigger than you, Devadatta, that is what I was trying to tell the jackal, because you will be crushed.”
“I find it interesting that I have no memory of this lifetime whatsoever, Perfect One.”
“Perhaps you remember the lifetime in which you were a cruel elephant who had its eyes pecked out by a crow?” (SYEJAT)
“It sounds memorably painful, but no, I don’t.”
“You don’t remember the fly laying eggs in your empty eye sockets and causing you to fall off a cliff?”
“I don’t, actually.”
“Well, I am certain you recall this lifetime, Devadatta: I was a monkey-king named Jolly who lived with his younger brother, Jollikins, and—”
“I’m sorry, Perfect One, but did you just say your name was ‘Jolly’ and your younger brother’s name was ‘Jollikins’?” (JTMKJAT)
“Yes, and we lived with our blind mother. One day, however, an extremely evil man showed up in the forest.”
“That would be me.”
“It certainly would be. You were a cruel, vindictive and ugly man.”
“That is not surprising to hear.”
“You wanted to eat our blind mother, so Jollikins and I sacrificed ourselves, but it did not matter because you killed us all anyway.”
“Well, success for me, I guess.”
“No, Devadatta, NOT success for you, not in the least. At the very moment that you killed us, lightning hit your house, killing your entire family and then when you got home the house fell on your head and crushed you!”
“What a reversal of fortune.”
“After that the earth opened up, swallowed you and deposited you straight into Hell, Devadatta.”
“I find it fascinating that I don’t recall any of these lifetimes, Perfect One.”
“This final one I am quite sure you will remember, Devadatta. Does a white elephant ring a bell?” (OEJAT)
Devadatta’s eyes suddenly widened. “Perhaps I do remember this lifetime, Perfect One. Was the white elephant beautiful?”
“Extremely.”
“Did his eyes sparkle like diamonds?”
“Yes.”
“Did his feet gleam like polished lacquer?”
“They definitely did.”
“Did everyone love him?”
“Except for one person, the evil King.”
“Who was jealous of you, wasn’t he, Perfect One?”
“Yes. So much so that he (you) tried to get me to walk off a cliff, Devadatta. And do you know what, I did it too. But there was something you did not realize about me.”
“You could fly, couldn’t you, Perfect One?”
“That’s exactly right, I could fly. I was a flying elephant who, in the end, became the emperor of India.”
“That is remarkable because elephants aren’t usually made the emperor of India, Perfect One.”
“No, Devadatta, they are not, but I was.”
“I should listen more carefully to your words, shouldn’t I, Perfect One?”
“Yes, Devadatta, you should.”
“But oh, before you go, may I ask you one question?”
“You may.”
“Would you say it was ‘perfect’ on your part to walk out on my sister and nephew, your newborn son?”
I gazed coolly back at him, shook my head. “I find it sad that you still seem not to grasp that I had a world to save, Devadatta, a universe perhaps. Your sister was thinking only of herself, wanting her beautiful husband with his perfect body and his magnificent mind to stay with her. But this was self-involved. We are not meant to think of ourselves in that way, do you still not grasp that, Devadatta?”
“To be clear then, walking out on your family was ‘perfect’?”
We stared at each for a moment, then I spoke: “I am sorry to have to say this, Devadatta, but you are a degenerate and you are not welcome in my sangha anymore.” And with that, I turned and exited his tent.
Not long afterwards the murder attempts began.
23
Devadatta’s first attempt on my life started off simply: He ordered a man to kill me. Quickly, however, his plot got bizarrely complicated. To cover up my murder, Devadatta ordered two men to kill the first man. To cover up that murder, he ordered four men to kill the two, then eight men to kill the four and sixteen men to kill the eight. When I heard about this plan, I shook my head in disbelief. “It’s the stupidest idea of all time,” I remember thinking. “If Devadatta keeps hiring killers to kill other killers, before long he’ll have a thousand killers killing five hundred killers!” It didn’t matter, however, because when the first killer showed up to murder me, he instantly grew frightened. “Don’t be scared,” I reassured him. “I am pure love and compassion.” Before long my spotless vision had converted him. Before long, in fact, I had converted all thirty-one of Devadatta’s assassins! (CV 7:3–4)
After this initial failure, Devadatta decided to take things into his own hands. He climbed to the top of Vulture Rock, waited for me to pass by, then hurled a stone down at me. (Why Devadatta thought I was so feeble that a thrown rock could kill me I still do not know.) The rock did not kill me, obviously, but a shard of it did hit my foot, drawing a bit of blood. That offended me deeply. I glared up at Devadatta and screamed, “You have drawn the blood of a Perfect One!” I then turned to Ananda and told him the same thing: “Devadatta has drawn the blood of a Perfect One!”
That night, my foot hurt so badly that it kept me awake. For some reason, Mara chose that moment to reappear. “Why are you lying down, monk?” he jeered. “Don’t you have better things to do than rest?” “I rest out of compassion for all living things, Mara,” I instantly shot back and, as always, he instantly deflated and slouched away in defeat. (SY 4:13) I would have to say that I was fortunate in my adversaries. Mara was a witless blowhard; all he ever did was make bombastic threats, then leave as soon as I told him to. Devadatta turned out to be similarly feckless. If he wanted me dead so much, why didn’t he just sneak up on me while I was asleep and cut my throat? His plans were both convoluted and idiotic.
That said, I will acknowledge that Devadatta’s third attempt
