Midnight wasn’t dumb—far from it—and I knew she’d picked up on the slow disintegration of our relationship, even if she didn’t understand the reason for it. I wasn’t surprised at all when she finally decided to call me on it.
I was, however, surprised with how she broached the subject.
“I suppose we could talk about the games, as if you cared even the smallest bit about them, but I think I’d rather talk about you leaving campus Friday night.”
“How did you…?” I stiffened, part of me unconsciously reaching for my power even as the truth hit me. “The gate guards.”
“The guards,” she agreed. “They record every individual that passes through their gates. Imagine my surprise when I received an alert that you had been one of them.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I want to know why you left. And given that the guards only have record of you coming back in, I’d like to know how too.”
“I hopped the wall by the forest’s edge,” I told her, figuring a little bit of truth might help the rest of my lies go down. “As for why? You try being cooped up on this campus for a full year, let alone sleeping in the same room with The Human Snore. For one night at least, I wanted some space.”
“You jumped the west wall?” Alexa’s voice sharpened. “Fascinating. Did you know that the police found several dead members of the Blood out in that direction yesterday morning?”
“I don’t watch the news, so no.”
Black eyes met mine from across the room, and I felt the light in the room dim almost imperceptibly. “I will ask you this once and only once. Did you have anything to do with those bodies?”
I shook my head and told the literal truth. “I didn’t kill anyone, Alexa.”
She waited for a long moment, still studying me, then nodded. “Good. Now let’s get back to you leaving campus in the first place. That’s the second of Bard’s rules that you’ve broken. Are you trying to get kicked out of the Academy?”
“No.” If I’d been smart, I would have just left it there, but the anger inside of me surged back up. “But let’s be honest. It’s just a matter of time now.”
“Meaning what, exactly?”
“Don’t bullshit me, Alexa! I know the teachers talk. You know exactly what I mean. Combat was my best shot at becoming a Cape, and that’s gone to hell now.”
“And that’s why you’ve started paying even less attention in class than usual? Why even Macy has publicly wondered why you’re still showing up to Mobility?” She caught my surprised look. “As you said, teachers do talk. And I have ears in place to hear when they do.”
“The end of the school year—and my time at the Academy—is less than a month away,” I told her. “They should be happy I’m showing up to class at all.”
Alexa shook her head. “I would have sworn you were the sort of person who would die before he quit. Clearly, I was wrong.”
That stung, as it was no doubt intended to. “What did you want me to do? Become a postal service employee?”
“A what?” She frowned, but moved on. “I told you not so long ago that there were other ways for a Power to serve than as a Cape.”
“For a first-year dropout who’s doomed to go crazy? I bet the recruiters are just lining up.” They could join the non-existent line of women other than Vibe who wanted to go to the dance with me.
“You’ve been here a year, and you’re still sane. You don’t know—”
“Sally told me—”
“Sally Cemetery said a lot of things,” she interrupted, eyes flashing, “most of them contradictory. And that’s assuming her ghost was even real!”
“If it wasn’t, then I’ve already gone crazy.” I smiled the smile that Silt still said gave her nightmares. “Either way, I’d say I’m fucked.”
For just a moment, Midnight’s careful mask slipped, and I saw something that looked suspiciously like weariness and very real concern.
“Hold it together for three more weeks, Damian. I’ll have answers for you by Remembrance Day. I promise.”
That brief moment of naked compassion almost did me in. I almost told Alexa everything; the truth about Christmas, about what I’d seen of my mom’s death, and what I was planning to do. Part of me wanted to know what alternatives she had in mind. Part of me wanted to imagine a future where I didn’t die, insane and alone.
Ironically, it was Gabriella Stein’s lessons in Control and Alexa’s own instruction over the past year that helped me choke down that part of me. There was a shuttle leaving Los Angeles two days before Remembrance Day, and I was going to be on it. Everything else was just a dream.
I met her eyes and lied. “Okay.”
Felt almost as bad about that lie as the one I’d told Kayleigh, weeks earlier.
•—•—•
I was in a weird mood as I trudged back across campus. Some of it was guilt, of course. Whatever our differences, Alexa had spent months trying to help me, and necessary as it had been, lying to her didn’t feel good. But mixed in with the guilt was a whole lot of other stuff. Anger. Exhaustion. Impatience. Even sadness and regret that nobody would know what had happened to me until the vids hit. That I wouldn’t get to say a real goodbye to the handful of people I called friends.
Like I said, a weird mood. Maybe that explains what happened next.
•—•—•
On a Sunday afternoon, the common room was normally packed, so I was surprised to find only two people there when I entered. Olympia and Tessa. Spectra and Poltergeist. Could’ve been worse. Could’ve been Winter. The Weather
