She gave Sue a wave and then made an ‘I’ll call you’ gesture with her hand standing in for a phone. Sue nodded, her own expression looking every bit as dazed as hers no doubt was.
Sue was shell-shocked.
They were all here.
Every last person she had expected at Gary’s wake.
His football mates. His pub mates. His step-mum. Her entire family. Even Katie. Which was very peculiar, because they were all meant to be in the Canaries. When she had crested the hill and pulled into the square in front of the castle she had felt elation and relief at finally having finished the ride but also a strange sense of hollowness. As if a chapter had closed in her life and she’d not yet found a way to turn the page for the next one. She had a job to go back to, a house to go unlock the front door to, but … she didn’t think she wanted those things anymore. The ride, the talks with Kath, the terrifying incident with Becky, the talk she’d had this morning in hospital … they were all game changers. And why do something like this if she wasn’t going to finally start listening to what the universe was saying to her.
Her eyes scanned all of the beaming faces, their voices and congratulations all blurring into one happy buzz.
It’s your choice.
It’s your future.
As she was showered with flowers, and was instructed to read all of the banners and silly signs (We believe in U Sue! She’s a SUEnami! Watch out life! We’re going to SUE you!), Sue felt a strange sense of calm come over her. There was no need to feel uncomfortable or awkward or unworthy. She had earned this. Literally by the seat of her padded pants, she had earned this.
Flo barged through the lot of them at one point, pulling her into a fierce hug, whispering promises to bring her bicycle to the nearest metal merchant so they could all watch it be crushed into nothing and to please never let her talk Sue into anything quite so ridiculous ever again. Sue gave her a kiss, unable to put into words how very grateful she was that Flo had talked her into it. This ride had changed her life. Her perspective on it anyway.
Later, after her mother who had been none too subtly trying to wrangle an introduction to Kath, had met and lavished her with adoration, Sue caught eyes with Raven and Dylan – both of whom gave her big old fat waves, their faces happy as could be.
‘He’s a good lad.’
Sue turned to see Dean also returning a wave.
‘Is he still at the agency?’
‘Absolutely. He’s a bright young man. Works hard. I’ve offered him a full-time job.’
‘Oh?’
‘Would’ve been a fool not to. He knows things about computers I could only dream about knowing. Thanks for the intro, Suey.’ Dean’s face went a bit funny and he scrubbed his jaw and pushed his lips out as if he were trying to hold in something he wasn’t entirely comfortable saying and then, finally, as if someone had turned a key in his back, he said, ‘Sue, I owe you an apology.’
‘What? Why?’
He glanced at Katie, who was squeezing Bev for the entirety of her conversation with Kath, then steered Sue away from the crowd to a bench. ‘Gary came to me.’
Sue’s heart went still – suspended in the centre of her chest as Dean continued.
‘He came to me a few times after his dad died, asking for help.’
‘What kind of help?’
‘With the accounts.’
Her heart lurched up into her throat but she still managed to ask, ‘And did you? Did you help him?’
Dean pushed his chin out and looked away, a gesture which told her all she needed to know.
‘I’m so sorry, Suey. I hadn’t realised it was that bad.’
‘How do you mean? How do you even know it was bad?’
‘Dylan told me.’
‘What?’
‘Don’t be mad. Raven told him about you and the boxes and all of Gary’s invoices and he suggested that – whilst you were away – he bring the ones you hadn’t been through into the office so we could have a look.’
Sue tried to swallow and couldn’t.
‘He’s owed a lot of money, Suey. He owes some, too, but …’ Dean finally met her eyes again. ‘I fucked up. I’ve got four of my best freelancers on it but I’m overseeing it all. We’re putting a proper set of accounts together. Sending out invoices. Talking to all of the vendors. We’re getting it sorted, alright? You’re not to worry about money, little sister. You’re going to be okay.’
A week ago, Sue would never have believed him. A week ago she would’ve wondered what he wanted. More babysitting. A cake to be made for his staff. A run round the lounge with the hoover before Katie got back. But there was something about the way Dean looked at her now – as if she were an actual, real person – that made her believe him. And whilst, yes, more than anything in the world she would’ve preferred to be up to her neck in debt and have her Gary by her side, that wasn’t the case. It never would be the case.
Dean pulled an envelope out of the inside of his jacket pocket (a jacket Katie must’ve made him wear because it was royal blue and she knew for a fact Dean couldn’t bear royal blue, but people did things for the people they loved even if they didn’t always make sense, didn’t they? Though she’d never once admitted it, Sue couldn’t bear toad-in-the-hole. But she made it, because the way her Gary’s eyes lit up …
‘I found this in one of the boxes.’
‘What is it?’
He glanced over her shoulder to where her family were all
