She took the pale pink envelope in her hand, surprised not to see the telltale shake.
And then, once Dean had left, she opened it and pulled out a huge, over-the-top Valentine’s Day card featuring an enormous unicorn dressed like Cupid.
She ignored the tears falling down her face and made herself open it.
Dear Suey –
Happy Valentine’s Day, love! Happy Valentine’s Day for this and all of Valentines yet to come because if you’ve found this card, then you know I’m not here anymore. I’m so sorry, but I just can’t anymore. I’m too close to dragging you down the rabbit hole with me. If there is one thing I meant from the bottom of my heart it was my marriage vow to you to always, always protect and care for you. This is the best way, love. I know it might not seem like it now, but I promise you, it’s the best way.
Things took a different turn than I thought they would with the business. With Dad gone … oh, Sue. I’m not good with numbers. Bills. All of that stuff I was desperate to be a part of. Dad was right. I was wrong. Cancer took him too soon and now that I’ve cocked just about everything up beyond repair, I’ve decided it’s best to take myself out of the equation. Know this – I love you. Always have. With all of my heart, Suey, I love you.
And I’m sorry. I’m so incredibly sorry I have chosen to do what I am about to do, but for me it will be a release. I hope, one day, you will see it that way, too. None of this is your fault. Quite the opposite. Besides my dad, you were the only one who ever believed in me. That makes you the strongest woman I’ve ever known. You stood up to everyone when you married me. You stood up in front of the world and said, I believe in this man even though he is pants at Maths, and Biology, and all of those other subjects I should’ve done at school that you were brilliant at. You changed your life to be with me. I may not have told you, but I thanked Heaven every single day that I had such a brilliant, loving girl by my side. Now I will be free and I hope you grow to feel the same way. You can do anything you want to. Put the unicorns in the bin and live the life you want to.
Love, your Gary
TWO YEARS LATER
‘Fifteen seconds to air, Kath.’
Kath gave her spine a little wriggle. Two years it had taken to get to this point. Two years of staring every single one of her life’s failures in the face, hugging them, thanking them for making her the person she was today, then bidding them farewell.
Bidding farewell to Kev had, surprise surprise, been relatively easy. Why would she want to spend the rest of her life with someone who treated her as though she was inferior to him? Worthy of ridicule? There had been some hellos as well. Things with her children were good. Really good. They’d rekindled their relationship as adults and it was a comfort knowing they’d always pick up the phone to her now when she rang. The run on Strictly had been brilliant as well. She’d not won, but the public had really been behind her and Claudia Winkleman was a friend now, as was Bruno. The love. Him and his saucy Cha cha cha.
‘Ten seconds.’
She gave her audience the thumbs up. Women mostly, but there were some men out there, too. Ever since the cycle ride, they’d begun popping up on her Twitter following as well. In all honestly, she could hardly believe they’d filled the two-hundred seat auditorium. And the buzz! The energy crackling through the place made it feel as though she was about to open the Strictly season.
She glanced at the side stage where her ‘secret’ guest gave her a here we go smile.
‘And we’re live in five, four, three …’ Kath’s eyes slid to the producer’s fingers, just below the studio camera, then up to the lens as …
‘Hello and good afternoon Britain! I’m Kath Fuller. I hope you’ve all got a nice warm drink and are sitting comfortably, because we have got an incredible woman here to talk to us today on this – my brand new show – I’m Listening.’
Kath walked to the front of the small stage in the regional television studio wondering whether anyone beyond the people in this room would see the show. She stared at the camera and saw the autocue roll into place.
She was meant to launch into a deep and meaningful, but artfully crafted, monologue about the ethos of the show, how it had been born from a void she’d felt not only in herself, but in society. How her entire life had changed when, amongst other things, her marriage fell apart on live television. Her weaknesses had been made public. But, despite all of the shame and embarrassment and pain that had followed she had risen, like the Phoenix from the flame, to host her own television show again.
But she didn’t want to. The monologue was too … it was too beige for what had actually happened. The truth was, even with the incredible amount of support she’d received from the public, she’d lost her job and no one else had swooped in to capitalize on her time in the limelight. She’d felt ugly and old and unwanted. Particularly when Kev had been offered a job before she had. It’d fallen through in the end, but he was hosting some sort of radio show in the Midlands these days and had, by all accounts, a very loyal following. She wanted to tell them how soul destroying it
